When is a friendship .. more than a friendship ?

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Not sure whether this has been discussed elsewhere on the site, or even whether it's supposed to go here in this Forum, but .. I'm just gonna lump it here.

My question is ~ when does a 'friendship' become more than a friendship?

I have friendships, with both sexes (though only interested in the male variety, in that way). I always find situations where a friendship seems to have the potential to turn into something more: frankly confusing.

I'm not really sure I will ever find a relationship of the kind I'm talking about, and I'm kind of ok with that, but .... well, I don't even know if I'm supposed to act differently or not when the situation does come along.
Am I ?


Thanks for anyone who contributes

I don't really know because I have never experienced it, but from what I've heard/read, you would feel 'attracted' to the person, want to be around them and talk to them all the time, and you might get that 'butterflies in your stomach' feeling when you talk to them. Hopefully the other person would feel the same way so it can become more than a friendship.

Yeh, that last bit's the doozy. That and that crazy, crazy 'wanting to talk to them' thing. I'm solitary. I get crazy and confused when that happens ! !

I think a special friendship, or partnership, is defined by the following progression:

- Exclusion of other people, and the wish (on both sides) for more time or more interaction at the expense of other relationships.
- Intimacy involving more personal details and greater intrusion into personal issues, personal space, family and work.
- Physicality involving touching (sitting close, touching hands, touching for longer than necessary when passing objects, helping etc).
- Sexual physical contact progressing from hand-holding, arms around body, hugging, kissing etc.

The difficulty for many people is how fast and how far the physical and sexual aspects of a relationship develop. I think that autistic people should state in clear verbal terms when they feel uncomfortable (and possibly also state in clear verbal terms when they are comfortable with progressing). Most people develop physical relationships entirely by assumption and judgements of body language, and most people run into awkward misunderstandings.

Last edited by StuartN on 06 Sep 2010, 7:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks, StuartN. that was useful.

It's partly a decision.

It's like, you recognize if you have those kind of feelings that lend to that sort of relationship.

You see if the other person seems to reciprocate.

And you decide if you are interested in that.

Which.... the last two don't have to be in that order if deciding no. Like, for me, as a married person, as far as other guys I meet, the first two things aren't even relevant to deciding if I'm interested. I'm not, end of story. But, if I were looking for that kind of relationship, I'd need to, with the guy, be aware of my own feelings for him, and what I'd like, and then try to get an idea if he might reciprocate. Or maybe just take a chance. I can't claim a lot of experience in that. My husband being the only guy I've had that sort of relationship with.

But I wanted to note that part of it is making a decision what kind of relationship you want with that person.

Thanks, Mysty That's so sweet your husband is the only guy you've had that sort of relationship with. And, I appreciate what you're saying.