I was diagnosed with it when I was nine years old. They really didn't tell me what it was or anything but I guess it does very on the spectrum. I often wonder if its HFA or if I'm just varying from the scale of being mild to moderate autism.
My meltdowns are massive when they happen. It's like I lose all conciousness when they occur and lose sight of those around me. They can go off as quickly as striking a single match. I never know when they can happen but often times they just do. I can never control them but sometimes others think they are tantrums because they usually don't last.
I do have loads of problems with social interaction. I tend to become very painfully shy, especially around new people. Sometimes its so disabling that I'll be totally mute and no one can get me to speak.
The only routines I have are those before going to bed and then being on the computer all the time. People often wonder why I don't go out and I think its because of fear but also change as well. I feel even more isolated because I just feel... wrong.
I don't mind touch but if its unexpected touch I tend to get a little panicky but not meltdown. Sounds I usually cover my ears over but its usually anything from sirens, babies crying, motorcycles/loud motors, loud bangs, popping sounds and I could go on.
I do have very few interests. These being mostly restricted to only anime and Japanese music as well. It's often something I pursue very much and will meltdown if not pursued correctly.
I don't have meltdowns often but things tend to upset me and I have a habit of throwing myself on the floor and almost whining into meltdown mode. It's something I do when something minor still upsets me.
I do have trouble with emotion but because anxiety/depression, I tend to have too much of an emotional overload. Other than that I could be sitting down somewhere and not even know what I am feeling. I often can't actually explain how I feel so often times I usually assume it's how I feel. It's a problem sometimes when expressing because I don't always tell anyone when I'm upset. I usually try to express it by showing them with sad expressions or something. It's just odd for someone like me.
Anyway, I just find myself wondering my spectrum of autism. It just seems odd not being on an actual scale since it varies depending on how thrown off the edge I become. I can't say Asperger's Syndrome because of my other disabilities. I have ADHD and a learning disability which I was diagnosed with in second grade. I also have mental retardation that affects my daily living skills and my developmental age which is about that of a ten year old.
Other things that I do are carrying around a scarf and my Axel plushie which I get upset over if I can't have them with me. I also sleep with them at night too.
So anyway, I just wonder if you guys can help me figure out what my actual autism diagnosis is. I was already diagnosed by a professional but then I don't think my parents really know what it is either.
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Diagnosed with an autistic disorder (Not AS but mild to moderate classic Autism), ADHD, Learning Disability, intellectual disability and severe anxiety (part of the autism); iPad user; written expressionist; emotionally-sensitive
10 Sep 2010, 3:34 am
