Are there any NTs on this site right now? NT's only please

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If you are NT, how does it feel? How many friends do you have? How do you party? How do you feel looking into a strangers eyes? How are your anxiety levels? Is it easy to socialize and make new friends?

Prior to coming to WrongPlanet it did not feel any way in particular. I had never heard the term NT. When people asked how I felt, I told them my feelings of that particular moment unless it was just politeness protocol in which case I said "fine". I am guessing you are meaning how do I feel that is apparently different from the way many AS people feel. The best I can answer is I feel that I mesh with the world in a seamless way that is a constant struggle for those on the spectrum. My struggles are of a completely different nature and don't have anything to do with neurology.



I have about 10 or so very close friends and a couple dozen who are more distant friends.



I'm middle aged so I party by talking about miscellaneous things with friends while slowly drinking a beer and checking to see if the burgers are done yet. I would have given a very different answer 20 years ago.



The feeling depends on what they are trying to communicate with their eyes. I respond to the message sent, rather than to the act of looking into somebody's eyes.



My anxiety goes up if I am waiting to find out if something will turn out badly or well. If I fear I am awaiting bad news, I am very anxious. I am anxious when the phone rings and caller ID says it is my daughter's school calling (schools tend not to call unless they have something urgently terrible to tell- if it's not urgently terrible they send a note home). I am anxious if awaiting medical test results for myself or anybody I love, unless I am fully confident that those results will be in the normal range. I am anxious when the economy takes a dive and there is talk that my company or my husband's company will have lay-offs. The common theme is I am anxious when something really bad might be just ahead but I don't know exactly what it is yet.




It is fairly easy. The unhappy flip side of this is that when socializing is easy, not socializing is hard. If I don't have human contact regularly I start to get twitchy and tense. Once upon a time when I was young I worked the night shift and saw absolutely nobody for the entire 8 hour shift except the very beginning and very end. It put me close to a nervous breakdown (but the money was good- that was the enticement). It is probably similar to the feeling that AS people have after spending an entire 8 hour workshift with people. If you are wired to socialize, it is easy to socialize but very stressful to be alone for long periods. If you are wired to not socialize, the exact opposite would be stressful. NT Heaven=AS Hell and AS Heaven=NT Hell.

I guess I'm an NT - I'm not an aspie - but I'm very... "socially awkward" My anxiety level is very high, especially in social situations, and I have a really hard time expressing my feelings. But I'm happy, I have some close friends, and I'm "breaking out of my shell." It doesn't feel any particular way really - I think all people are generally the same deep, deep down.

I believe I'm NT, although I do have a few AS traits. I thought I was AS for a while, but a lot of the "symptoms" went away when I stopped taking birth control pills (hormones). So now I just consider myself an NT introvert.

Anyway, to answer your questions;

How does it feel? It just feels like being me. I don't know how it feels to be anyone else. I do know that I find extroverts baffling and exhausting. I feel more comfortable with myself than I did as a young 20-something, when there were a lot of people around me who put pressure on me to be more outgoing. I no longer have that kind of pressure.

How many friends do you have? Counting my husband of 13 years and the good friend who I haven't seen since 1992, two.


How do you party? I don't. On Saturday nights, after the kids go to bed, my husband and I watch a DVD and drink a bottle of hard cider. Once in a while I'll invite my dad and his wife over, and listen to my dad tell stories about military history. That's as close to partying as it gets for me these days.



How do you feel looking into a stranger's eyes? Usually like I'm being too familiar. I can manage it for a few seconds, but it doesn't feel right. It really depends, though. If they are talking, it's easier to maintain eye contact for a bit longer. Not for more than a few seconds at a time, though. If I'm talking, I can't look into the person's eyes, except for a brief glance here and there. The eye contact makes me lose track of my train of thought.

How are your anxiety levels? Fine now that I'm off the birth control pills. Before, I had a constant feeling of anxiety.

Is it easy to socialize and make new friends? Nope. Not even close. It's hard to meet people, and even harder to establish any kind of friendship. Since my kids were born, 12 years ago, I've only met a handful of new people. Two or three seemed like they might become friends, but I never knew how to keep that going, without making a pest of myself. To be honest, I don't go out trying to meet people, but I have in the past. I never learned how, and felt creepy when I tried. I was once told that I should try to meet one new person a day. When I tried that, it made me feel like I was being a salesperson, and trying to reach a quota. I don't think I even meet one new person a year.

Still, I don't think I have the social difficulties that a person who is actually on the spectrum has. For the most part, I can read body language and facial expressions. If I know that I'm included in a group, I can join in the discussion, provided I have something to say. I generally don't accidentally say the wrong thing, although it really depends on the group. I don't do so well in shallow, gossipy groups, but I rarely find myself amongst people like that anyway.

I haven't the foggiest idea how to get included in a established social group in the first place, though. Not that I really want to, mind you, but that is something that eludes me. In the past, what I have always done is rely on a friend to do all the initial socializing, and I just hang on. Now I don't have that, because my only friend is my husband, and his social group is nowhere near our home, so I've never met them.

lmao. Come on mate, why go on an autism site and ask for NTs only to reply to your thread? You're practically asking to be flamed!

I know that you would choose to hurt a soul, now. I wouldn't.

While there are some people here on WP who don't care about social contact, I would say there are about as many, or perhaps more, who care very deeply and feel extremely lonely because they are unable to connect with other people or develop a relationship.

ALL THAT IS QUOTED HERE IS THE CORE OF IT ALL******************************************************************************

You don't have to get so nasty about it.

Corp900--

I say this with concern and respect, but have you ever tried some counseling with a loving, supportive therapist who specializes in helping aspies/auties with self-acceptance and tools for successful living in a non-autistic- dominant world?

If not, would you consider it?

I think experience through trial and error is going to help you so much more than answers to these very direct questions.

Other people's experience cannot help you find your own place within your community, your boundaries, your needs, your preferences... and how to achieve your goals.

It sounds like some confidence building and support could help you find your way.