It's probably all been said before, BUT ...

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Another completely incomprehensible social encounter that, I assume, no one will understand but aspies.
Basically, I no longer associate with 99% of the friends I had when I spent years trying to be normal. The other day, one of them sent me a text, saying she missed me and wanted to catch up for lunch. Instantly suspicius statement - there is not much about me to "miss" and "catch up for lunch" sounded like a pointless social nicety unless she was honestly hungry and just decided to eat with me. Against my better judgement I went.
It ended up as it always does - I ordinarily hate disclosure - I dislike anyone having any details about my life. I found myself telling this woman all these things I really didn't want to tell her, just to keep things moving. Otherwise we'd have sat there in silence staring at each other. The other option was asking her questions about her own life - that she didn't seem keen to answer. Why make a date with me if she didn't want to talk about herself? Plus, it seemed disingenuous to ask, because I didn't care. There was nothing from her that I could learn. I just sat there drinking coffee, smiling mechanically and wondering when it was polite to leave and not bother to try this again.
It occurred to me that maybe I actually don't want any friends. I assumed I did, because that's what everyone wants. Most people need. But apparently, I really don't want any. It's awkward and uncomfortable and completely pointless. I just don't understand the point in any of this. Me, I'm more inclined to professional or functional encounters. Things that actually have a tangible point to them.
Can anyone explain what, exactly, is the point in these social encounters? Why do people pursue this? What do they get from it? Both aspie and NT perspectives would be helpful.

I was that way and I did shed all of my friends. If you can, I'd say fight the urge to drop everyone. You don't like gossip about yourself and the criticism you receive is moot, but even the NTs get this...It's normal.

I think a longer term view is required. After 10 years of no friends in your home, the solitude you sought could end up being a lonely rut thats hard to get out of cause your old and settled

Humans are, in general, social animals. We tend toward the gregarious. Of course, there are people who are happy as, essentially, hermits, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Most of us want some sort of contact, at least once in a while. I'm very introverted and perfectly happy spending most of my day alone with my dog, but if I didn't see my husband every day and my friends on a fairly regular basis, I'd be pretty miserable. I have made friends on the basis of mutual interests -- video games, theatre, music -- so we always have something to talk about that isn't too personal. I have a couple very close friends (including my husband) with whom I talk about things like current events and politics, as well as emotional topics, but mostly some really cool people who I enjoy being around but would not choose to confide in.

As to why your friend might have been quiet, I can think of a few reasons. Understand, I'm not trying to insult you with any of them. They're jus things that can happen without us realizing they are happening!

1) She's more of a listener than a talker.
2) She was genuninely interested in what you had to say, and wanted to hear it all.
3) You were talking so much she had trouble getting a word in edgewise (this is my big problem with conversation).
4) You were asking her the wrong kind of questions (i.e. too personal, too general, not open-ended enough for much of an answer).
5) She wound up not feeling in a great/chatty/communicative mood, but wanted to see you, and didn't want to hurt your feelings by cancelling.

There are lots of other reasons she might have let you do all the talking, too...I don't know your friend, so I don't know her reasoning. Don't assume she wasn't interested, though. Don't write her off -- after all, this is a person who reached out to you. There are lots of people in the world who would give much, just for that.

I can completely understand why you are asking these questions. I wonder this every day myself. But I wouldn't link this incident to this subject area very much, if at all.

I suspect, from what I read, that perhaps something had happened in her life that she was upset about and she felt like she couldn't talk to any of her friends or relatives. So, she thought of someone that she had not seen for a long time to bring herself out of her situation and perhaps compare her life to yours with regards to how they had panned out since she last knew you. There may have been a certain quality in your personality that she appreciated and felt she could make use of in her situation. But personally, I view this type of thing as "using". I've had similar experiences and I felt that they were being a little selfish. I mean, if she's just sitting interviewing you (essentially) then what can you get out of it? Anyway, that's just my opinion.

I had a couple of really interesting, positive jobs where morning coffee was a ritual that most people attended. The two environments were very diverse and tolerant research labs, and coffee chat was fascinating - people would ask for help with the tasks they had, or methods of organising and coping with work, or discussion of themes from the news and science journals. Sometimes it would be artistic or philosophical ideas to save the planet and improve humanity.

People rarely discussed each other, or disclosed personal details. Most conversation was directed "information exchange".

Unfortunately, these two places were the exception and most social gatherings are about the beta primates displaying submission to the alpha primates.

I think that you've been trying to associate with people with whom you share very little--common interests, personality, whatever; you just don't have much in common. No wonder they bore and annoy you; you made those friendships while presenting yourself as someone you weren't.

You may find friends who do have things in common with you. But yes, it's possible to be happy without friends.