Approachability

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Something really weird happened today and I just thought I'd share it. I was talking to this woman at uni, and during our relatively normal exchange she touched me lightly on my arm. She then went wide-eyed and apologised profusely, saying 'I'm sorry, I touched you'.

I dunno why she said that. I've been brought up in Australia but I am Korean in origin, so maybe she thought that touching is a no-no, perhaps incorrectly believing me to be of another culture? I don't know anything about Korean culture though, so I don't know about that. Maybe I give off scary vibes? I don't really think I'm that unapproachable a person, even though I don't initiate conversations and am what many might call aloof, or schizoid. Perhaps, as many people have told me before, I'm reading too much into this?

Your avatar image is of a man with an axe over his shoulder... and you're asking about approachability....

lol emp

LOL I see your point. But I don't generally take my axe everywhere. Only for very special occasions, when I really need to make a good impression.

Does physical contact bother you? If you have sensory issues with that then probably her reaction was because of your reaction to the touch - even if it was something subtle in your body language, NTs will notice that. I'm hypersensitive to touch and when I see a touch like that coming, I try to prepare myself and react as normally as possible, but people still always end up apologizing because of what they see in my body language. (You didn't mention anything like that though so I'm guessing that for you it's not a sensory issue?)

No, I don't have any aversion to touch. At least as far as I'm aware of. And I don't know how she could've seen any reaction from me because generally it takes a lot to get any reaction from me at all.

But then again, maybe I do react and I don't know about it. I know I do tense up if someone touches me in a way that could be sexual, or (far more frequently) a way in which it might be misconstrued that my touching them is sexual. But this, most definitely wasn't sexual, to my knowledge. Wish I could ask someone about this in real life, now this is bothering me even more because it might be something I'm unaware of.

Don't read into it too much. The woman realized that the touch bothered you, and was nice enough to apoligize. Just enjoy the fact that you had the benefit of dealing with a nice, courteous person. With the direction our society is headed, it's only going to become less common.

maybe she saw an expression on your face that would lead her to think that way.

I'm not bothered by her response so much as I am by the reason she responded that way. But yes, maybe I shouldn't think about it too much. It was confusing, that's all. I hadn't been aware that I might've been giving out signals.

I agree with the people who say "don't read too much into it"; but your analysis of NTs' actions is still commendable. The better we understand them, the better we can communicate with them; and open communication is a good thing.

I wonder if perhaps she thought she was rude by touching someone she had just met? Some people are raised in reserved environments in which touching is done only among family and close friends.

I read once that in Japane culture ppl there usually don't like to be touched ...that s why they don't shake hands in japan....not sure abt Korea.

If you haven't ever had this come up before when someone has touched you, then my guess would be that either she misread your normal body language or had some cultural misconceptions. If someone else has reacted similarly, then you might want to pay some attention to it, but otherwise... *shrug* Probably nothing. ^_^

Does she know that you have Aspergers. If she did then, if she has sufficient knowledge on the subject then she probably knew that Aspies do not generaly like to be touched.