Breaking up with an Aspie

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How have you Aspies dealt with significant others breaking up with you? I mean, I am a 19-year-old, and I love girls. They usually tend to like me. I've only really had one girlfriend in my life. I met her through my cousin, and I went to see a movie with her and her friends. I sat next to this girl, and we ended up holding hands (She was the one who made that happen). We went on a date a couple days later, then another one about a week later. One day, she texted me and asked me what we were exactly. I could tell she wanted to be my girlfriend, and I wanted her to be that too, so I called her that night and asked her out. She happily accepted. Now, this girl was perfect for me. She and I had a similar personality, she was crazy about me, and I was crazy about her. We were made for each other. Now, we dated for about a month and a half and we were a very happy couple. Then, she started to be very quiet. I called her and asked her if there was something wrong. She told me that she was waiting for a time where my cousin could drive her to my house (She didn't have her license and lived about a half hour away from me) so we could talk about it. I immediately thought that she was going to break up with me. The next day, she came to my house and broke up with me. She said she just felt that she couldn't connect with me. I thought about telling her right there that I had Asperger's, but I didn't. Then, I broke down in front of her, which I probably shouldn't have done. I was very sad, because I felt this girl was perfect for me. She even told me then that I was the sweetest guy she ever met. This happened a couple months ago. I'm not as sad as I was then, but still.... That's my story. I'm curious as to what your stories might be like and how you coped with break-ups

Two break-ups. One was dreadful with me and my ex screaming at and cursing each other, the other was as good as a break-up could be and we remained close friends until she found her true love.PM or e-mail me for details.

Yeah, many of us can relate.

Can't connect with people. Can't form close relationships. Maybe I should tell them I'm slightly autistic? Would they believe me or would it not matter in the first place? Should I care at this age?

I don't know but I can say, at this age, young man (and I'm not much older myself) that most girls aren't looking for sweet young men or complicated questions and answers.

I don't know what we're supposed to do next so all I can do is believe.

I remember the end of something that was more of a friendship, than anything else. It wasn't very pleasant. I took the brunt of a lot of abuse, over the Internet, at this very community. I became very cynical and depressed, just to resurface last September.

I had one where we are still friends..The only reason the relationship wouldn't work was because he was a foreign worker and when he tried to apply for permanent residency, the government rejected his application. He had to go back to his country since he was already on his last visa. He seemed aspie to me so it wasn't anything to do with that. He was obsessed with Spawn and video games and didn't like being around alot of people. He was quiet and the same as me with respect to eye contact and socializing. He had bad coordination and could not swim. He was treated poorly by his roomates. He was a really sweet guy but the government didn't want him because he only had a high school diploma and was only an unskilled labourer.

I have never broken up with anyone over not feeling connected to them. I tried staying friends with my ex's but it was hard. We just drifted off and my mom wondered why I even bothered because they were such jerks. I still saw my first ex a couple times but I didn't see him as much because of gas. With my second one, I tried to stay in contact by calling him and IMing him and he claimed he has been very busy so he hasn't been answering his phone nor IMs.

I don't know if he dumped me or not but I was happy when I found out he had moved on and I was single again and we were not together anymore so that was why he was not answering his phone and IMs. It felt like heaven. Then the funny thing was he IM me that Thanksgiving and we talked for a few minutes and mom asked me why did I even bother. I never saw him online again nor did he ever IM me again which I found strange. My husband suggested maybe he was seeing if I was single again so we get back together and I was like "Are you kidding me, why would he want a big baby? I was an embarrassment to him."

So I was cool with both my break ups. I dumped the first one though and the second one I wanted to dump but he had depression and I didn't want to add to it by breaking up with him.

But both my ex's had a hard time connecting with me and they both didn't feel anything from me and it felt like they were hugging a robot when they hug me. I honestly started to think no guy would want me and I was incapable of a relationship.

My first two girlfriends ditched me and I just accepted it - I was upset but didn't feel there was much I could do about it.

Another one started an affair right under my nose - after that I just didn't want anything to do with her. Technically I suppose I ditched her, but she must have known our relationship was going to be wrecked, so I'm not sure how to categorise that one.

Another one told me she wanted us to talk about our relationship later but she broke her promise to get back in touch about it......I wrote to her and went to see her (she was out), then I sadly accepted that she must have decided to end it.

All the rest I've broken up with myself.

Really I don't think there's much anybody can do if their partner says they want to end the relationship.....could try offering better conditions, but I think usually it's gone too far by the time that's possible, so even if you do offer more, they'll likely not be interested, or they won't believe the inprovements are going to last any longer than the threat of termination. And the last thing you want is a partner who is always ready to quit, it makes it very difficult to have any kind of equality if there's a threat like that compromising all you do to keep your hands on an even distribution of power.

Well, my first girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, I just hung up and got on with things. I'm not sure me and her ever had any real feelings anyway.

Me and my Aspie ex, however, had a very on off relationship. We were worse than Ross and Racheal from Friends, and when things went wrong with us, I got very upset indeed.

So, yeah, how I deal with it depends on how I feel about the relationship really.

I've had exactly that happen. It's horrible to know something important is up but not to be able to put a finger on it and also to know that you've been doing something "wrong" and been completely unaware of it.

I'm much better at it these days, but I used to take break-ups very badly.

First I'd get frustrated if it didn't make logical sense to me, then I'd get really upset (more upset that a normal person would because I had the double whammy of being thrust into what seemed a nonsensical situation and having my heart broken) and then usually it would drag out for a few bitter days as we talked about it and I tried to make sense of it unsuccessfully.

These days I've learnt to accept it. It still hurts and I still rarely understand if it does happen, but repeated long periods of feeling awful forced me to accept what I can't change (to whatever extent I can when feeling broken).

I can relate as well but my dad found my mom and he is very aspergers (been together over 25 years), women who enjoy honesty will enjoy someone who has aspergers.

I would say if you go out with another girl wait a couple months of going out before you tell her you have aspergers so she accepts you for you before you start explaining yourself because just saying that doesn't make it a whole lot less confusing for that other person- most don't know what aspergers is, or will misinterpret what it is.