Does my friend have AS?

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Or something similar?

My younger cousin was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism a few years ago. I researched it on the internet but didn't really understand it. Recently I've been talking to a male on MSN and things he does/says will often remind me of some of the symptoms I have read.

Because I don't understand this sort of thing I want to apologise in advance incase I accidentally offend anyone by thinking something is a symptom when really it isn't. I also have Pure - O OCD and therefore have heaps of things on my mind at once, so I apologise if I seem to ramble on or not make sense.

When we first began talking I didn't notice anything. He told me he didn't believe in religion because he knows too much about science and that it's really a stupid thing to even think about. When I told him that I'm open to the idea of 'God' he got rather annoyed at me.

Recently he hasn't been understanding what I'm trying to say. I will ask him a question, that to me seems to be self explanitory, but he will have absolutely no idea what I'm asking. Like I have spoken in riddle form. If I change my wording slightly, or explain it in more depth, he understands what I've asked. Sometimes I have to change the way I've said it more than once.

Sometimes it can be difficult to talk to him. I have to try really hard to figure out his interests, and that seems to be all I can get him to talk about. Anything other than that he seems to not want to talk at all. He also sometimes has trouble including me in the conversation. For instance I might ask how his day was, what he's been doing, or how he is feeling. He will answer me and usually the appropriate thing to do would be to ask me in return, but he seems to forget this.

We have used our webcams a couple of times, and every time he seems to have no expression at all in his face. After a while he might make a small, very quick, smile but it seems as though he could be forcing it. Almost like he's remembered he needs to smile.

He's very good with humour though. A very funny young man, but his humour is rather odd. Sometimes I have to stop and think about it, or it may even be something surreal that he's said.

Another thing he does is I think he may purposfully confuse me. Playing with words and sentences...almost making riddles. If I say I think he means one thing, he will change it to mean another, and then change it back again.

The biggest thing that made me wonder if he has AS was his reaction when I told him I was reading about it. Actually I said I was reading about High Functioning Autism because I wanted to know how it affected adults. He said "badly haha" I asked him if he knew much about it and he said yes. I then asked him if he knows people who have it, to which he said "I've known people". After that I asked him if he thought it was interesting. He said it was an interesting gene mutation which I thought was an odd response. He went very quiet after that.

However, since I brought the AS subject up, he seems to be more open to talking with me...and with this, the amount of times he misunderstands me has risin. In fact we had a misunderstanding this afternoon where he thought I was disagreeing with him on something when I was actually AGREEING. It was over very quickly because he got so frustrated he ended up going offline without saying anything.

Also he has job in IT that seems like a professional would be hired to do, but he never finished school and didn't study computers in the first place. He trained himself to do his job.

I realise most of the examples I've shared don't really have anything in common with AS symptoms but I thought I would ask anyway.

Oh and I forgot to mention he doesn't seem to notice other peoples feelings. Often times he has hurt me without realising. He also doesn't pick up when I've said something to him that needs a response E.G telling him about my feelings, he may just ignore it, as if I never said anything to begin with. Not understanding that I needed to at least know he acknowledged what I had said.

Hmm... That actually sounds alot like me. Almost seemed like you were describing me


I can relate to him about religion, though it's not really a common trait as there are plenty of Aspies who are religious

This sounds very AS to me. If we're not blabbering on about our interests our conversations will likely be very direct and to the point (At least that's how I am..)



Not exactly an AS trait but I'm pretty sure alot of Aspies are like this as well.



Not really AS though I'm the same way. I love jokes that you have to think about for a second



I don't think he's really ignoring you, he's just not acknowledging it which is another problem I have. Again, sounds pretty AS


I doubt this is of much help but in my opinion I'd say he's most likely an Aspie. Based on your description he does have some noticeable AS traits that I can relate to

Here, let me check my seeing orb.

Hmmm.

Mmm.

Oh?

Ahhh.

After 5 shakes it still comes out as "ask again later", sorry.

Pfft, orbs.

Cleverbot is where it's at!

Thank you for that, it was really helpful. I realise everyone is different but just being able to see what others think is typical or not is a big help. Also when people put it into their own words it helps me understand a lot more; where as before I was reading a generalised list which doesn't help at all.

Please don't take this wrong, but why does it matter if your friend is Aspie or not? Are you having trouble with the friendship because of these things?

Wow good question, I never thought of why I want to know. It doesn't matter and I'm not having trouble with the friendship because of it. I guess I'm mostly curious...and I figure if he does have it then it would help our friendship a lot if I wasn't ignorant about something like this.


I also want to be supportive of him. I figure if I don't understand what's going on, I could end up making things difficult. Also my OCD tends to make me over analyse things so if I knew what was going on I think it would be easier for me to accept it, rather than spending all night wondering what had happened

But yeah, if he has it or not, it doesn't (and won't) affect the friendship at all.

Sounds like you are just being a good friend. Cool. I guess I would suggest not to push it too hard with him, but not to forget it either. Friendship is valuable.

Thank you very much for your advice. I will do that

It shouldn't really matter.

He sounds kind of Aspie. Try not to get upset if it seems like he's ignoring your emotional state. He may not be picking up on it.

I'm just curious. Are you attracted to him, or are you purely seeking friendship. If you are looking for more, then I suggest YOU make the first move... and don't beat around the bush or try to drop hints that may be completely missed.

It sounds like your friend knows a lot about AS, so if he is then he probably knows. It's possible that he's ashamed of it, though, so it might be best not to press the subject.

I appreciate that you care about your friend and want to understand him better, but the important thing to remember is that aspies are individuals too. We all have different personalities and different needs. Learning more about AS may help a little, but ultimately you know your friend better than we do, and the best way to understand him is to pay attention to him as an individual.

Yeah I am attracted to him. I've noticed he's rather outgoing when it comes to meaningless relationships i.e uncommitted ones but yes I can see that I would have to make the first move and not drop hints. I did tell him I like him so I cannot have an uncomitted relationship with him but he didn't seem to really want to talk about it. He gave me the impression that he ignored me but after reading things here I've realised I might have taken it the wrong way.



Thank you very much, that's awesome advice. Yeah I actually use a wheelchair and it can be hurtful when people treat me as a disability and not an individual so thank you for bringing that to my attention.

Glad I could help.

It may well be that he isn't responding because he doesn't know how, and is afraid that whatever he says will make things worse. It's tempting to just ignore things that make us ("us" meaning people of all stripes) uncomfortable, even though it doesn't help.

Yeah that's true! Yet another thing I hadn't thought of!