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ThomasL
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26 Nov 2010, 5:02 am

I've only had a few so-called friends in my entire life, usually one best/only friend for a number of years before he finds a regular girlfriend, gets married, etc. (and the girl hates me so that's that.) Then I'm all alone for a while. Now that I'm getting older, I wonder if I'll ever have a friend again.

Then again, I don't know if that's so bad. It seems that my "friends" mainly liked to have me around to make fun of... I'm a pretty "good sport" about it, and can laugh at myself, but I really don't know what's good-natured kidding around and what's unhealthy. I suspect all of my friendships have been unhealthy.

I don't know... some great thinker said something like "hell is other people" and I paraphrased it to "people are hell", and that sounds about right to me. You never know what they're really thinking, or how they really regard you, or when they're going to hurt you, reject you, betray or abandon you... but it seems it's just a matter of time... give people enough time, and they'll prove that people are indeed hell.

At least that's been my experience...

Any thoughts?



rmgh
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26 Nov 2010, 5:10 am

A friend is someone that is nice to you and will be there for you when you need help. No, I have no idea how to acheive one of them either.



ToughDiamond
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26 Nov 2010, 6:30 am

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship

Don't know what else to add, except that I believe in friendship. Not that I'm all that successful in acquiring and maintaining friends. Just that I think it would be very depressing to give up all hope on the idea. There's something about the very idea of friends that I don't want to let go of, even if I keep messing it up for the rest of my life.



samsa
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26 Nov 2010, 7:14 am

I've really got no idea. It's one of those terms that everyone knows the meaning to, but no one (except perhaps philosophers) can define.


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menintights
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26 Nov 2010, 8:43 am

If it's one-sided, it's not really friendship.

Some people consider me a friend, but due to my trust issues (i.e., not unlike the ones you have), I've only considered them acquaintances.



Philologos
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26 Nov 2010, 9:49 am

I have had a few years, had a few friends.

Classmates or work associates who find me moderately interesting [in some cases useful] and with whom I can talk at a surface level for a short time, longer if I am expounding something.

Longer associations with a smaller number who considefr and treat me as an equal pleasant to be with, with whom I can occasionally talk on more personal subjects.

The very small inner circle - people who GET me [most of whom would fit in well on WP], whom I GET, with whom I can talk about almost anything safely, interestingly, in depth.

No way to locate any of these except by bumping into them and having mutual interest of ther appropriate level aroused.

Numbers VERY small - takes a lot of patience.

Steer clear of the ones who just have a use for you - it feels better than no society for a while, but it turns around and bites you.



ZakFiend
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26 Nov 2010, 10:22 am

Friendship can be determined by how well you get along and the frequency you spend together and the emotions you are left with afterword.

Emotional connection strong or weak?
See or talk to each other regularly?
Do activities together on regularly?

That simple really.



Shadi2
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26 Nov 2010, 10:44 am

As some mentioned it is someone who is there for you, and for whom you care enough to be there for too.

Friendship is

... like my best friend when I was 6-7 year old and we were playing persian princesses ... who else would have played that with me lol

It is like my other best friend who bought me a certain chocolate egg for Easter and I had bought the exact same egg for her ...

(yes I had more then one best friends because we moved a few times and unfortunately too far from the other best friend)

Something I notice after thinking about this, is that my best friends were NTs, the total opposite of me, they were the social ones, the ones who knew the rules, but also the ones who were protecting me when the other NTs were making fun of me ... I was lucky to have such good friends

Shadi


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Simonono
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26 Nov 2010, 11:45 am

I've forgotten what it is as well. I haven't made a friend since the 4th of November 2007, who has since faded away...



huntedman
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26 Nov 2010, 11:56 am

ThomasL wrote:
Then again, I don't know if that's so bad. It seems that my "friends" mainly liked to have me around to make fun of... I'm a pretty "good sport" about it, and can laugh at myself, but I really don't know what's good-natured kidding around and what's unhealthy. I suspect all of my friendships have been unhealthy.

I don't know... some great thinker said something like "hell is other people" and I paraphrased it to "people are hell", and that sounds about right to me. You never know what they're really thinking, or how they really regard you, or when they're going to hurt you, reject you, betray or abandon you... but it seems it's just a matter of time... give people enough time, and they'll prove that people are indeed hell.


In terms of hell is other people i think your talking about Jean-Paul Sartre, I have not read much of him, but his philosophy is supposed to be interesting.

My initial definition of friendship was based on mutually assured destruction, like nuclear weapons in the cold war. If they entrust you with an important piece of information they do not want other people to know and you can do the same, then that is approximately friendship.

But i'm actually looking for a new definition for friendship, the old one maybe too strict. I actually had a colleague working on a project say "you know we are friends right?", all I managed in response was a confused "really?", not a good scenario.