Very cunning bullies

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I have had bullying issues at work for quite some time. Things had improved on what they were for a while until today.
A female supervisor who has identified all of my meltdown triggers is at it again. She was constantly hovering over me watching my every move, sitting in my seat, and then staring at me from a distance. She kept treating me as if I am stupid, pointing out things I clearly already knew about my job. She was then rushing ahead and starting some of my tasks, as if to make a point.

These triggers send me into a melt down. I just totally shut down, and can't do anything. She is increadebly cunning to the point of genius.
She will have everyone so convinced she is so nice while she sharpens her trusty daggers behind your back. She is so cunning you even dought yourself, because she can make her attacks so subtle. I didn't realise how much it affected me because it had improved for a while. Now I feel depressed again and see the affect it has had on me.

Has anyone encountered this kind of super cunning bully before, and how should you deal with them.

Yes I have. The trick is to stab them.

document her actions meticulously and build a case against her. make it factual and un emotional so it is obvious it is not just that you do not like her.

If you can bring this to her boss . of course this may not work but i see it as one of the only options

Yes, yes, yes. Workplace bullying is almost always of the sneak-attack variety, especially by female supervisors, who are well-known for these too-nice-to-be-nasty tactics.

If you're feeling brave, you can try "I need" statements. If you're not feeling brave, I have a book called BullyBlaster that I can email to you if you msg me privately which teaches you how to be braver (anyone who wants this book can contact me).

"I need......." My seat back, please.
"I need......." To not feel stared at while I'm trying to get on with things.
Thank you, but "I don't need......." To be instructed in things I already know how to do.
Thank you, but "I need......." To know I'm welcome to come and ask for help if I need it, instead of having my tasks started for me.

"I need" statements are non-confrontational ways to, basically, tell someone they are crossing your lines without outright accusing them of anything. "I need" statements claim back your rights. The too-nice-to-be-nasty person will find it very difficult to continue to pretend to be nice while obviously denying you something you say you need. At the same time, you're bringing the fact she's doing things like that into the open and challenging her to stop doing them.

On the other hand, avoid "You....." statements. "You" statements cause fights as the person you named begins denying whatever they were doing or counter-accusing you in defense of themselves. Even if the other person responds to your "I need" with an accusing "You" statement, you mustn't take the bait and must continue with "I feel" or "I need" statements.

But all this depends on how much of a bully the supervisor is and how many others around you she can make her deputy-bullies. "I need" statements really only work if anyone at all cares what you need or is at least attempting to PRETEND to care what you need. If all pretense at being nice is dropped and outright bullying begins, especially by a gang of bullies, no one will care whether you need anything or not. But many or most female bullies hate to be "outed" as bullies and will find it quite difficult to pretend to be nice while you're telling them what you need them to do (or not do).

Again, if anyone wants help feeling braver against bullies -- the sneaky verbal bullies, not the outright aggressive bullies -- message me for a copy of BullyBlaster.

If you email me a request at mollytroubletail@yahoo.com I can send it to you as a PDF file for free.

Alternatively, you can download it on the internet for $12.95 at http://www.bullyblaster.com/ .

Thank you MollyTroubletail, this book might help me.

Does she know you're an aspie and what that means?

I also had this problem with a total NPD. He visciously bullied everyone in the room and was always trying to use people's insecurities against them. I left the company shortly afterwards. Only one out of 5 companies I've worked at has been like this so I doubt you'll get this everywhere. Don't be affraid to quit the company as this is not defeat it's just doing what's right for you. Being out of work is not death either, I used to think like that. I read lots of books on the subject but if you have an NPD to deal with then there's not a lot you can do about it.

In hindsight with my experience I would avoid questioning authority, (I think letting others be in charge is hard for Aspies) and this can be bad for people who have authoritive job positions like managers. This guy in question couldn't even be good enough to shake my hand on the first day, instead turning to hide in the kitchen before being dragged out by his business parner.

I would say if you're really being hurt, leave, it just isn't worth that, and your next job will probably not be like that. This may sound strange but what I've found is that the job you expect is the job you get. So if you're afraid of bad things happening at work then they probably will.

I have had issues like that before yeah it happend with a couple of chefs at school like the latest one he always gives you some of the information to get the job done but not all and yells at you if you can't come up with the rest of the information yourself. Like for example he will say Get me butter and when I bring him a stick he yells at me cause it is too much. The last chef we had acted like a a** to my best friend and I was so enraged by him, plus he was so dumb he caught butter on fire, I also pointed something out a while after the incident about pies not being cooked properly and he had the gal to say that he knows more about food cause he has been cooking for 35 years and I have only been doing it for 3. The good chef comes in and tells me the pies are not cooked properly and to throw them away so it is nice to know I'm not crazy. Back to the point sorry for rambling yah I've dealt with people like that.

By The Way if your wondering why I work with Chefs at school it is because I go to a tech school for Culinary Arts.

You could try shomer-tec it will get you fired and possibly arrested if caught but it is worth it.

http://www.shomer-tec.com/department/re ... cts-33.cfm

I suggest http://www.shomer-tec.com/product/speci ... or-325.cfm

not to be used on others without their consent