Brilliant Disguise

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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idnJnjV_8rg[/youtube]

Does any of you have a 'brilliant disguise', a chameleon-like behaviour in social situations so that you blend in without your true self barely showing?
But in the end not really making contacts and friends because of it?

I've been doing this for years as my survival technique, while it has alot of in-the-moment advantages it's tiring to do for me since it is not really being me nor does it make friends - which makes me unhappy.

I've been thinking about cutting down on the acting and only using it when really neccesary.
But I did it in the first place to atleast have some communication since most people shun or avoided me for being me. While later I found out later I could use it to avoid and defuse volatile situations, understand social interaction at it's base (pushing the right buttons so to say resulted mostly in sought after responses, more then I solely achieved with reasoning - the how instead of the what), able to pluck apart people to see how they tick as a person, see through illusions like I create myself (lies, deception, persuasion, etc.), reading between the lines (paying attention to what is not said, but is thought and/or experienced) and finally helping other people with these abilities.

This all might look like alot of swell things to be able to do, but not if you want real long-lived contact with people . I'll go back to being me, people like me more that way, I suppose.

true self??

I have always been honest but a bit more polite, helping and tolerating than I'd like to be I suppose...

By this I mean how you are alone as oppossed to in social situations.

I know how to "act," and my sister once told me that I'm a good actor, but being myself is what gets me in so much trouble socially. Three lost jobs, two people who accused me of stalking them after first dates, countless situations in which I got yelled at for my "bad attitude" when I had no idea what I said that was so offensive...

I'll stop there or I'll be typing this up all day.

I disguise my brilliance quite well, thank you very much.

Great song, btw.

I'm incapable of acting. I think my 'disguise' is to be very subdued and boring because I've always attracted negative attention for my eccentricity. I also act emotionless because I have so many negative emotions that I feel I need to hide. I disguise myself as a robot. Despite aspie stereotypes, that's not what I'm really like.

I can relate to your post, though.

I try to, but no matter what people always notice something strange about me. It's like there's just something about my eyes that freaks people out.

But other than body language, yes, I very much do have a disguise that I use. I'm really not even comfortable with people knowing about my true self.

I do this in a way. I sort of refer to it as my mask. There are things I do in private that I do not do around other people. I try to act normal I guess, in my own unique way

i also wear a disguise; more then just a mask, although it still makes me a 'shy, weird dude'; but i'm trying to cut down on it, both amongst friends and in public.
some of the biggest things i have learned is to internalise stimming; trough on-the-spot awake meditation i can create something i'd call 'spiritual arms' which i can then use to stim with without anyone else seeing it.

This is my life. I dont always help, but most of the time I let them live their lies.
Sometimes helping is only possible if the person doesnt understand that I have "read" him/her. I activate their self-reflection and consciousness about personal deadlocks, get them to reconsider vague ideas, and I dont receive anything in return, because they dont notice that I understand them. It can happen, that they are insecure if I understood more than they like and Im tested. If they get it, I risk being attacked (not physically) and then most people try to convince me of the opposite (psycho-war) and the help never arrives. This is a seldom situation, as Im a very good chameleon.
Very seldom I help somebody in an open conversation, and those people are more than greatful and understand what Im giving and understand that Im a rare species. Thats mostly young people who still are looking for advice.



Being me is like tolerating the attention of everybody, because I notice that my presence disturb all the invisible bands between the people, which draws their attention, no matter how big the room is or if its outside.

Ironically, that is brilliant.

My boyfriend's sister has worked with autistic children for years. When I was first introduced to her, way before I'd been diagnosed or even suspected it about myself, she phoned him later to ask why he hadn't told her I was autistic and how I managed to 'blend in' so well. Apparently she picked it up within two minutes of meeting me, and she said it was the way my eyes moved about that was the giveaway.

I read an article about autism a while ago and it was about tracking eye movements as a method of diagnosis. The person to be diagnosed gets hooked up to an electronic thingy that tracks what they look at, then they're shown a short film of a social interaction between two people. NTs predominantly focus on the two people's eyes and mouths and hands, and look at each thing for a certain amount of time. Autistics spend hardly any time actually looking at the two people, and flick their eyes on and off each thing much quicker than NTs do..

So there probably IS something in your eyes that people pick up on as being 'not-quite-normal'...

I did disguising for a lot of years, not realizing I was doing it - guessing because I hadn't known I had Asperger's. In hindsight, I can see that I did a tremendous amount of 'studying' for my disguise(s)...researching body language, very precisely mentally recording others' NT behaviors, and firmly deciding beforehand how I'd act/speak during a forthcoming interaction. I was a very apt mimic. ...I also think I'd done some kind of 'unnameable' damage to myself by immersing that far into disguising. For this last year...18 months...I've been working on reversing some of those disguising mechanisms. Even while understanding I'm 'losing ground' in terms of progress in the NT world, still I feel freer and better now that I'm not 'faking' things to get (so-called) rewards that NT's often withhold from those they deem unworthy.

The comments about tracking eye movements reminded me of when I went to MSF (Motorcycle Safety Foundation) training. They showed attendees some pre-recorded trackings on paper, gathered from various drivers at various skill levels. The trackings that showed the most 'flitting' from object to object and the least 'resting' (i.e. staring) were presented as having been accomplished by drivers with the highest skill levels. When it comes to Aspies looking quickly and all around, it may well be concluded that they are the most skilled in assessing environments (that have just been changed or have had a new element added) and are most alert should there be hazards to be dealt with (and, often, there are indeed hazards for an Aspie entering an NT environment). ...A survival technique that critics would like to use as proving that such behavior demonstrates inappropriate lack of relaxation (i.e. paranoia).

I should have been diagnosed much sooner. I never look anyone in the eye, and my eyes are always darting around any room I'm in. My family has known for quite some time that there was something "off" about me, but it wasn't until last year (I'm 27) that I found a psychologist who even bothered to bring up Asperger's, and I was just recently diagnosed. I think it's because "autism" means "Rain Man" to my family, and I'm not quite that obvious.

I'm so brilliant, I don't even have to try to disguise my brilliance to disguise it quite well.

I'm just more silent so I don't say anything offensive. I actually act more autistic, or stim more, when I'm with other people than if I was just around the same people at home.
I don't really know how to put on a disguise.