42/50 on the AQ test has opened up a huge flourish for me...

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So I was on Facebook one time and noticed a friend took the AQ test and I decided to try it. At first I scored mid 30's, but then I started to think about my responses in relation to my true behaviour, my past, others' observations, etc. (empirical evidence if you will), and ended up scoring a 42/50 consistently. At first I was really kinda shocked but in a way that seemed to make a lot of sense to me. I then read the wiki entry on Aspergers, and it really was like reading about myself. Sentence after sentence and paragraph after paragraph was literally like reading a bio on myself. So I've been watching videos on aspergers on youtube and reading comorbid conditions as well, in order to delve into the subject and see how it really fits me.

A bit of background on myself. People have always noted my advanced vocabulary at an early age (3) and my writing talent (various teachers throughout school and university). Couple this with the fact I may have been wearing diapers until age 5ish and not being able to start kindergarten at that age, and some things start to make more sense. I guess after that, at age 6, things started to fall more into place socially. Although I was definitely a "weird kid", always fascinated by science, especially astronomy. I was like a walking encyclopedia the kids liked to say (I was living in a very small town). And then my parents moved me to Alaska at age 12, and then perhaps together with puberty, my social life went into (in retrospect) some sort of abyss. In 8th grade fellow classmates here and there gave hints of how I radically changed from lively to pretty withdrawn. One girl on a bus remarked to her friend of how I changed, using a blank face to imitate me. This was shocking and made me push society further away. I can only explain the ensuing 3 years as a very dark, alienating experience. I remember in 9th grade science class hearing about how sensations we feel in the body are merely electrical activity of the brain, and I kind of identified with this feeling that I was trapped in a body, and of not really identifying with anyone or even myself, yet still being able to function satisfactorily. Of course, some teachers were concerned, and notified my parents, who asked if I wanted help. I declined this. I remember being made fun of in the hallways of the high school, but not being able to pull myself out of this sort of alienation. As I look back at this, I can remember endless days of isolation, and an emerging interest in mathematics of which I'm not studying at the graduate level.

I guess I was pretty infamous at my large high school (around 1200 students) as being very very odd, and not connecting with people. By 11th grade, I think I gained some more basic skills in interacting with people, but again I was definitely different. I never dated until undergrad, and have had a total of 2 girlfriends so far, despite being physically quite attractive. I guess though my cell never rings usually unless it's something more work related. There is a pretty big difference socially between me and the average person- I'm pretty happy spending time in the library, away from the "real world". Here and there, looking at things through the aspergers lens, some big events in my life kind of make sense (but at the same time I'm a bit skeptical). I remember having to move out of an apartment one time while an undergrad, and my cousin said it was because I didn't have a "single social grace bone" in my body. Parents of my two girlfriends have basically nixed our relationships, based on negative impressions or things said, but also my relationships were not so viable because I am hard to deal with in a realistic, long term mode.

Sounds oftentimes annoy me- like a fridge running, or a nearly silent ventilation system in an office building, I will notice the pattern of the decibel level rising and falling like a step function repeating. In meetings I will notice sweater patterns of people, or their jewelry design. I remember as a child being fascinated at night by the sounds of the cicada (clearly now it's a sine wave with a rough texture). I remember grabbing an astronomy book as a child and poring over it, even though I didn't really know what I was looking at! (Lol) I remember compulsively tracing out symmetrical figures on my thigh at school while sitting in class, around 8th grade. I also remember walking into 9th grade math class on the first day, and the teacher looking at me and asking, "did you spend all Summer in a corner??" Which of course, I kinda did being all pale and withdrawn- that girl in Beetlejuice totally reminds me of myself.

And now to the AQ test. I took it and found it to be a tad entertaining and intriguing. Then I started to think about my life. Then I recalled last Spring semester a friend of mine remarking how I "lack empathy" and finally asking if I had aspergers. Of course I thought this was amusing and wrote it off as him being a liberal bleeding heart type.

I am considering getting tested in a clinic. I guess I am just writing some of my experiences to see what others think. Thanks in advance.

the above should have read " of which I'm now studying at the graduate level."

Welcome home. Could have written that myself! In fact my first post on this forum a few weeks back was pretty close and I also learned about Asperger's from an AQ test link on facebook.

I also considered "getting tested" and booked an appointment with a psychologist in mid-December; if he's any good I'm 100% sure he'll confirm my self-diagnosis. It's extremely strange knowing there's a word for "it", right? =)

I should also mention I was very particular about my toys- aligning them in certain ways as a child and noticing when anyone would touch them during the day. I'd sometimes line them up at the kitchen entrance until finally my parents would get annoyed and move them, which of course flipped me out.

Also, I tend to lack a sense of what I would call "urgency" about real-world deadlines, modes of operation to be "successful", certain norms that are vital to maintaining really important aspects like employment and success at school. But I've worked on this and try to make sure to cross my t's and dot my i's.

OK.

1. Online "pop" tests are pretty useless at best, and at worst, can be misleading

2. Get evaluated not just for AS but from anything that has symptoms that overlap with AS. Pretty much everything you mention is not exclusive to AS.

3. Aspies and other autistics can be empathetic. We're neurologically atypical, not sociopathic.

4. Your political and cognitive biases (i.e. bigotry) toward people who don't think like you have nothing to do with whether you are genuinely empathetic or have AS.

Well vizioneer ... Welcome Home! as someone else said

It feels good to finally put the pieces together, at least for me it did, so many things you have noticed that were different about you but didn't know why. Things that seem so contradictory sometimes. So many misunderstandings.

And thanks for sharing a little bit about you with us

See you around!

Shadi

I should also mention I came out of the blue in conversations with new topics, to which some listeners remark that it was abrupt. I've also been told I have a 1-track mind and really dive into things...

Thanks everyone. Yes, indeed I may not have it, but it seems a bit achingly obvious- I'm totally not the type to want to be an emo-trendster. When I see clips from Rainman it makes me cringe thinking I would have anything in relation to the character. Yet, it seems I have some similarities.

Combo, wow! Our posts are very similar. Also, the style in which you write is quite similar to mine lol.

Welcome to WP!

I agree with Mercurial, there is a lot of overlapse with other diagnosis. But if you can find a equal grounds with people here, then sure what the heck!

Forgot to add- several months ago I tried dating a woman but she claimed I was distant and closed, which was surprising to me. I mentioned it to my Dad who said I am distant, and that at age 3 didn't like to be touched or held. Which again was surprising to me.

As some said some characteristics can be found in other "disorders", and many Aspies don't have all the characteristics either, but I think when you have many of them it points more and more towards AS, which doesn't mean you can't have some other issues as well unrelated to Aspergers.

Hi Shadi!

Thanks for the support. I really don't care if there are some skeptics/naysayers on the board. I just know I wasn't looking for an explanation to my life or events, I just know that I've always been quite different. Things in life are working out really well now in life, it was just that the test hit things like right on the head for me and now it's interesting in that I'm kind of making peace with my slightly autistic self.

Reading about possible discrimination and higher insurance premiums makes me think twice about going to a specialist clinic and seeing about a formal diagnosis though.