Thanksgiving: screwed up already

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House full of people and haven't even had dinner yet. And, apparently I've said something 'terribly mean and insensitive'. I didn't even want to be a part of this nightmare; would have been happy staying home by myself but 'it just wouldn't be proper'..whatever that means. Why do people talk to me? I'm just going to be honest because I can't help it and they will be angry and it just proves to me that I should not have come. When will they learn?

What did you say?

Can't exactly remember how thing went down. It had to do with someone feeling bad because a person they knew had died earlier in the year and so couldn't celebrate Thanksgiving. I took it as it was sad for the dead person to be missing the holidays so I said, 'what would they care, they are dead'. Made sense at the time. Wasn't trying to be cold, it was just logical; a dead person doesn't care about the holidays. Maybe next year they will leave me home and save all of us grief.

Ah, i see now. First post made the reason unclear, you're second post made it clear.

Seem logical that a dead person wouldn't miss Thanksgiving , but they miss him/her and wished he/she would be there if they were alive.

It's grief, people can be pretty vulnerable for harsh words if they are in that state. Besides that they might think you are just like them or atleast sympathize/empathize with them - Depends if they know about your autism and it's workings. Not even talking about acceptance you having it.

Generally on the subject of death and grieving, people want of others empathy, and not logic.

When people are speaking of the absence of a person they cared about who is dead, they generally aren't concerned with how it feels for the dead person to be dead or to miss out on something, but how they feel in response to the person being dead.

As it can usually be a touch subject, a "sorry" will usually suffice.

It's really difficult knowing what to say so I try to say very little so it won't be taken the wrong way which has happened to me lots of times. People get really upset during times like this so I try to stay quiet and if possible, in another room surfing the internet until things are more cheery. It's an awkward time so be cautious.

I know how you feel!! !! ! I was stimming (bouncing a ball and that's "annoying" to my family) I was listening to a Youtube video on my laptop (around family at the kitchen table) "That's rude" (Since it was loud I guess.) I got up at 12AM to check Black Friday sales my computer was down at about 3AM dad nicely offerered his laptop. I expected IF I went in there to get it I'd make a racket and wake someone up but he seemed shocked "Why didn't you come get the other laptop?" I expected to make a ruckes and wake everyone else!! ! I've been called lazy multiple times today!! !! I never understand my family or there views DAMN IT!

One time, I had to do laundry as I had no clean clothes for school the next day, and I opened the washing machine to find someone else's wet clothing. I took it out and put it in a laundry basket and proceeded to do my own wash. Later that day my sister came in and yelled at me for not putting her clothes in the dryer, which was apparently "The common sense right thing to do!"

A few days later, I again had to do laundry, and again found someone's wet clothes in the washing machine. I took them out and put them in the dryer, and proceeded to do my own laundry as well. When my mother came home later that day, she started to yell at me because apparently the clothes were hers, and her favorite shirt had shrunk, and apparently, it's only common sense that "You don't put someone else's clothes in the dryer!"

Perhaps though, it should be common sense that one does not put their clothes in the washing machine and leave them there all day.

I live with 3 people.

Person A was abused about messes during childhood, is diagnosed OCD, but keeps a disorderly cooking surface as an adult. I remember the sequence and correct proportions of the recipes without looking in the cookbook but am not believed. I see that it's not being followed correctly but am not acknowledged in this. Person comes back later, tries to figure it out, is too nervous to hear what the original problem was. Will generally get resolved in several days, when I can get a word in edgewise. Will be asked why i wasn't more communicative, if I really knew all along.

Person B cannot answer direct questions, about times and plans. Second guesses long-established expectations, prevents any form of logical followthrough. No possible outcome will be adequate, and this will be dwelt upon, out loud, at length. Notices when people find other things to do and follows them, and second guesses what they are doing.

Person C had a chronic, medical condition and is unaware of falling asleep as a result of medication and fatigue. Hygiene problems and bill collectors must be dealt with when person is gone. Person is accident-prone when out.

I'm shut in my bedroom, with words and rhythmic music, which is turned up as needed, in order to drown out commotion. I have sunshine, fresh air, a view of nature, drinking water, and snacks. Would be nice if it was completely closed off to the rest of the house, and there was a door so that I could come and go without dealing with anyone else.

You and me both, pal. You and me.

Good news:

Even NTs struggle in this too. When it comes to loss, no one knows how to do it. They say the wrong things and stuff and they don't know how to act in the situation.

Loss is one of those areas that is tough for everyone.

Thanks all for your posts and advice. I realize now that I should have said something like 'sorry' and moved on. Sadly, I have a number of rehearsed answers for various situations and, since this had never come up before, I just said what came to mind. But, I'm home now with my laptop and surrounded by my books so all is good and safe in my world. Just wish others would stop involving me in their world where you can get into trouble just walking across a room.

I understand. Thanksgiving may be the most social holiday. I hate it.

I remember when my whole family is together and they would drag out the china, the ancient silverware thats probably worth more in meltdown value than anything we eat with it, and the drama.
Parent 1...more of a ring master than a parent: would ask questions that said person knew would start a fight between two other members of the family...any two..did not matter who.
Parent 2...worked hard cooking dinner, tired and wishes that we could have a peaceful dinner, but when tension builds between members...said person gets depressed and walks off from the table.
me... wishing I could be beamed up into another life
sibling 1...takes the bait from parent 1 and makes critical comment to sibling 2
sibling 2...starts screaming, yelling and throwing stuff
Parent 1...sits back and smirks at said person's puppetry
Parrent 2...cries while cleaning up dinner when no one is looking

That is the way thanksgiving used to be, but now we all live in seperate homes and we talk to each other on the phone for awhile, but enjoy our peaceful and drama free thanksgiving dinner without the need for xanax. Tonight, me and parrent 2 ate dinner with our pets...very quiet and enjoyable company.

Just so you all teens know...it wont always be this way.
As for the "its proper" reason for re-entering the whole family dinner, just make other plans ahead of time and it would be unfair to break plans with other person (s).