Bill Zeller suicide

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I read the suicide note by Bill Zeller at http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizin ... e=true&s=i

Much of what he wrote is close to the way that I felt up until the time that I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, up until the time that I had a biological explanation for the sense of separateness and isolation that I always felt. Over here the feeling might be called "Original Sin", and I certainly felt like the serpent under Our Lady's bare foot.

I have no idea about Bill Zeller's personal circumstances, and I have no idea if there was any indication of neurological differences in addition to his experience of traumatic sexual abuse. But I do wonder how many people go through similar desolate depression and could be helped by a recognition of a diagnosed biological explanation for their feelings.

I think I understand what you're saying. That maybe the "darkness" had a biological origin as well? I know that I blamed my issues on the other things I knew about myself or things that happened to me. Discovering the biological influence (AS) that caused my disconnectedness to others ended up being the most significant in improving my self image and quality of life.

I had only first heard of Asperger's recently after my mother mentioned that she thought I had it. I read up alot on it, and almost everything matched me to a tee, convincing me that I have AS. You'd figure that finding out you have what people call a "syndrome" would make you feel worse, but for me it was a great relief to find out that there was an explaination for the way I have felt my entire life. I do feel that the past couple weeks that I have known AS existed have been some of best, and most eye opening weeks I've had for a long time. Just reading the forums, and being able to talk to others who have been through alot of what I have has made a big improvement in my self image.

Yes, that is exactly what I mean - being diagnosed with AS was a life-changing experience for me, and erased a lot of the sense of guilt and self-loathing that I had for myself. There is no doubt that the things that adults do to children cause unbearable, life-long suffering and undeserved self-hatred, but being diagnosed with AS helped me to get over the feeling that everybody could see my past and everybody treated me differently because I was tainted with something dirty. Most of the time I can rationalise my poor social interaction as a function of my own poor social judgement, not other people's dislike for me.

I don't want to say Bill Zeller might have had AS, because I know so little about him - apart from the suicide note and his successful work on MyTunes, and blog posts he wrote about topics I follow, like Google PageRank - but perhaps there was more to his social awkwardness and disconnection from other people than just the trauma od sexual abuse, perhaps some form of neurological difference that distanced him from the average. Perhaps an accurate diagnosis would have helped him understand and deal with his relationship difficulties.