Can a meltdown be stopped by giving in?

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My 5 year old has thrown a few memorable tantrums in the past and almost all of them have involved losing at games or sharing/buying toys. I read someplace that once a meltdown starts, it can't be stopped by bribes. Is that true?

Also, is it possible to have had no classic meltdowns by the time a kid is 5?

I had a lot of meltdowns as a kid. The way i experienced them was kinda like a huge panick attack and you can't really stop a panick attack by bribing. As i grew older i learned how to cope with this better, for example breathing into a bag helps.

There is also something very few NTs seem to understand but that is very important: the meltdown may not have anything to do with the event that started it. An AS child may have a lot of frustration building up inside because they can't express what's bothering them and a minor irritating moment, like someone taking their toy, can start a meltdown where all their build up frustration just makes them explode in anger.
I'm not sure if anything i say helps. You can ask me questions if you want me to elaborate.

Very true. Alot of the meltdowns I have have nothing to do with what triggered them. People get the idea that finding something on the counter that doesn't belong there sets me off. It was actually all of my frustration building up, being triggered by something very minor.

First of all, 'meltdowns' and 'tantrums' are completely different things.
Tantrums are characterized by things like what you said (losing at a game, not getting one's way, etc.) Usually the sign of a sore loser/spoiled child. And they usually stop once you 'give in'.
Meltdowns, contrarily, are brought on by, sometimes, things that the outside world don't notice (such as noises no one else hears, or lights that don't bother most people), or the inability to get one's needs expressed, etc. Usually the sign of a child with sensory processing problems or problems communicating. 'Meltdowns' don't have anything to do with classic 'brattiness', and sometimes may take much longer to stop. You can't "give in" to a meltdown. They just happen.

Oh yeah. Then I feel like a jerk when it happens to me because I felt like I threw a tantrum and then I stopped when I got my way. I am sure that's what it looks like to other people. My ex's sometimes thought I just chose to have anxiety to get my way. No I hate having meltdowns, they are hell and so is anxiety. Why would I want to have them?

But I don't get this way over losing or anything. Just when I get stressed out or frustrated. My anxiety is what leads to it. I can only avoid it if I stay away from situations that cause it. But sometimes I can't avoid it if another person is doing something to cause it and it's making me all anxious and stressed out such as not sticking with their plans or not giving me a time frame of when we are leaving. But if they stuck to those things, my meltdowns will go away. But if those people keep doing those things to me, I give up on them and want nothing to do with them. My husband's family is like this but I keep giving them more chances.

Are these actually tantrums? They aren't even intentional.


EdIt: Oh god, I really need to not be so tired when I post on here. This is about the the 5th time I have not really read a OP thoroughly and thought it said something else. I only answered the title.

Last edited by League_Girl on 09 Jan 2011, 12:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

no I dont think bribes would work to stop a melt down, in my experience when melt down occurs I often forget about what actually happened to cause the melt down though I can remember afterward.

plus it's a bad idea to bribe a kid....

The best way I have found to stop a meltdown is to wait for it to be over. I get embarrassed about the meltdown while I am having it so I go somewhere private and wait for it to be over. My opinion for emotional problems like tantrums and meltdowns is to give it time. Time is frequently the best medicine for these sorts of things (even sicknesses). It really annoys me when people try to hurry them up by bribing or whatever, ESPECIALLY asking "are you all right?" repeatedly. It just makes me feel worse.

The causes are usually lots of little, annoying things stacking up, e.g. not doing well on a computer game, whacking my toe on a corner, Mum giving me a bad chore to do, Mum shouting at me for being grouchy (how is that supposed to help?!), starts raining when I get on the trampoline, then I just feel murderous.

Autistic kids can have tantrums too but they are different from NT kids because of the way they see the world.
If things didn't happen the same way for me I'd scream and cry.
If people wanted to go out and so I had to stop doing what I was doing I'd scream and cry.

It depends on the severity of the meltdown if 'bribes' will or won't work. Sometimes you just have to wait for them to be over. I don't agree with restraining children, because I've heard some horror stories where autistic kids have suffocated because of them.