How to avoid infatuations and undue stress

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Right now I have about three or four infatuations with girls in my university happening. I am 21 years old; and unfortunately I have struggled with infatuated emotions for most of my life. I really don't like having to be chained to infatuations, which can lead to other emotions like jealousy or frustration. I do want to emphasize I am not a creep or a violent person; I just get "stuck" on a person and if that person has a boyfriend or is in a higher social strata than myself I get butterflies in my stomach and get very agitated. I have a crush on a girl who right now has a boyfriend, and I want to enroll in a law class at uni that she will be in but the only reason i want to enroll in this class is not out of intellectual curiosity but my infatuation for my love interest. I want to banish these infatuations so I can move on with my life and not have an infatuations chain itself around me tighter and tighter until I can't move on. One girl I have had an infatuation with for four years and I don't know if my infatuation will ever dissipate. What exactly is happening in my brain and how can I remove this problem. I have Asperger's too, by the way.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I've noticed that the amount of stress I'm under is directly related to my infatuations and their severity.

So you have a problem with infatuations. This itself, I don't know the solution to. However, even though you may not be able to rid yourself of the actual infatuation, perhaps you can reign in some control over it by coming to a certain realization...

I will explicitly state it for you.

When most people become infatuated with someone, it's usually a rare occurrence, and thus, has a sense of urgency associated with it for that reason. They really may never find someone they feel such a way for again.

However, with you, it's a frequent occurrence. It really doesn't matter if girl A, B or C gets away, because you may very well become just as enamored with girl D. So you need to tell yourself that that sense of urgency is unreasonable. Think of that part of your brain like a child who thinks they NEED to buy that video game today because the store clerk said it's the last one. It's the last one today. They will get a new shipment in.

Keep reminding yourself that your infatuation is probably fairly baseless and that for a relationship to actually work, you need to have some level of mutual compatibility, which you may not actually have with the girl of your infatuation at the time.

Also, learn to be pickier. If another girl with whom you are infatuated is almost always going to come along, there's no reason to bother with girls who are uninterested, or have a boyfriend, or have apparently mental instability problems.

If you can't learn to determine if your infatuation is reasonable or not, here is what will likely eventually happen.

1. You will become infatuated with a girl who is available and interested in you, but the relationship has no valid basis for you other than your infatuation. After a few months, your feelings for her will fade and you will become infatuated with another girl, much like Henry the VIII, who most certainly had borderline personality disorder. You will likely not be able to maintain stable relationships.

So with that in mind, be pickier. Try to stop your infatuations with women who are not available or obviously not interested before they happen by redirecting your attention. Take time to analyze your feelings and determine whether there is any basis for them, or if you are just infatuated with a baseless mental image of who you think this girl is.

You should also probably seek professional counseling as I'm nor a qualified therapist by any means and am just voicing my perspectives.

Hi there,

Here i think we should make clear what is meant with "infatuations". Is it just an shallow, but strong feeling, or is it a very intellectual kind of love, which i often have. I think of one person very often, think extremely alot about her and analyze if she is a good girl and fits to me. But on the other side, i nearly don't have any social interactions with her, and don't know so much about her. But the few things i know, those i have analyzed and still analyze very well.

byebye,
Anton

I've done that exact same thing twice since last November. I had this obsession with this one girl and knew very little about her, and then I found out we had nothing in common and she was already taken. For like a week I would barely sleep at night, because I couldn't stop thinking about her. I was pretty let down then. The second time it didn't affect me as much, and I didn't let it get me down. When it happens I can't control my feelings, even though I consciously know and acknowledge that it's happening. But now I at least won't think about a girl a lot, unless I know a lot about her, and that I have reason to think she likes me at least.