Independent living difficulties

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Hi there all,

I am interested to know how many of those of us with AS are struggling to live independently. It seems there is very little if any help out there for people struggling to live independently. What are the actual living skills you struggle with the most. Do we need more support services in this area.

paying my bills!! !
i have the money, the adress, the checkbook, the enveloppes, the stamps. Can't seem to send the money before they threaten to cut my gaz in 48 hours. wth...
support service needed: a secretary.

Me too......I'd go for direct debit, but I've heard horror stories of gas and electricity companies overcharging on estimated bills, and once they've got your money, it can take a long time to get it back. As it is, at least they get nothing till I've agreed they can have it.

I guess it's a case of executive disfunction. But I can't imagine any help for it apart from thinking about it and trying various solutions by myself. I find it very hard to tolerate any kind of interference in my life.......I've practically filled my house with low-value junk, and would love to judiciously throw a lot of it away, but the decisions involved seem too complicated for me. But I can't see myself taking kindly to anybody else trying to muck it all out for me - there's nobody alive who knows or particularly cares what some of my stuff means to me.

What I'd really like is free access to some kind of deeply respectful psychologist who wouldn't say a thing unless asked, and who wouldn't argue back if I rejected their advice. Not one of these -

I used to have more trouble paying bills but now I make sure I note a mail by date and put it in a prominent place. I used to lose bills all the time. My biggest problems are planning meals and clutter. I've been trying for years to get rid of the clutter but every time I try I get overwhelmed and then I get sleepy.

I suppose it depends on what you mean by struggle. I was extraordinarily lucky to marry a women that was adept at the details of living. It's not an exaggeration for me to say I would have ended up a wild eyed homeless man. I'm not convinced that I wouldn't end up there if for some reason the marriage ended.

My Aspergers is being referred to as a learning disability, so I'm very very far behind, I'm 35 and still trying for my schooling. Sheesh. Well I'm just glad that youths are being diagnosted more effectively.

My naievity and ability to trust alot of people, exhasperates my loved one, and they tend to think I am invalid and helpless. But as Paraolympians hate..... being mollycoddled, as do I. Help of course, but allow me to opportunity to learn better and badder ways to do things, so I'm not so clumsy and scatter brained. lol.

The purpose of this thread is to establish how much people with AS struggle to actually move out on their own and live indendently, What aspects of independent living present the greatest challenges, and weather or not a support service would help them on their way to independence, and autonomy.

I have managed quite well myself living independently, but many havn't had the oppornunity to learn how to, as I did. And I do know there are great people out there with AS who are struggling to get out on thier own who deserve to be shown the skills to be abled to.

I have trouble with making my bed, keeping my area neat, I know zilch about household appliances and I get paranoid about dealing with maintenance people. I have severe time management issues and procrastinate. When I'm hyper focused on something, I completely shut out and neglect my responsibilities.

Organizing all the paperwork of modern life. Taxes, bills, medical forms, student loan applications, car insurance, mortgage applications, etc etc etc. Everywhere I turn there is some agency, business, or person that wants to have some information about me. All I want is for the world to leave me alone.

As I said in my previous post, were it not for my wife, all of this "organizational" stuff would have crushed me. I have no clue how it would have worked out without her. I suppose in truth I DON'T live independently. Without her, it would have all come crashing down long ago.

A support service that helps manage all these details of modern life would be excellent for aspies/auties. It just so happened for me that service is my spouse.

Yes! I feel so stupid at all the things I don't understand. I get almost phobic about it.

Paying rent and utilities
purchasing food from the chaotic nasty grociery store
cooking that food
cleaning my dishes properly
cleaning everything in my apartment properly
taking public transit everwhere (a lot of planning and anxious bus stop waits)
not having any help in case things break or there psychotic neighbors (this happened to me)
running out of money and not knowing quite how I did it and what to do about it

and when things go wrong with those, it effects getting to classes on time, getting work done, etc.

Ugggh, where to start?

My mom handles most of my paperwork for me. Almost all of it. I am afraid to get a job because they never go well.

I never clean, it's boring and redundant! I hate to vacuum, dust, so I don't.

I never cook for myself. I really don't know how to handle anything but pasta, frozen pre-cooked meats, and eggs. Everything is prepackaged for me!

I'm terrified of living alone because I would always be alone. I have no social contacts outside of family whatsoever, and I have no idea how to get them. Been trying for over 2 decades now.

I have so much anxiety; when I get a lot on my plate, so to say, I shut down. I can't move, even if it's just one thing sometimes!! !

I seriously had no idea how to drive on a highway up until a couple months ago! My mom had to take me out and show me, step-by-step! It still baffles me!

I'm scared to drive. It makes me anxious!

I feel like I need to bag me an adept husband! JK

I have no solution, except that it's easier online as long as the money's there. It's good to write the payment date on a year planner as soon as the bill arrives, as long as you can get into the habit of looking regularly at the year planner. I hang mine on the living room door so it stares me in the face every time I go into the kitchen.

Go early in the morning before the crowd arrives? Buy stuff with a long shelf-life in bulk so you don't have to spend as much time in the shop?

Live on salads, sandwiches, instant soup and ready meals, to keep the job simple and repetitive? Avoid messy food such as spaghetti and crumbly bread?

Minimise the number of dishes to one bowl and one plate? Supplement with disposable plates?

Keep most stuff in closed boxes and cabinets (so it won't get dusty), ensure all your furniture etc. is easy to clean with no awkward crevices to trap dirt?

Get a bicycle or a motor-scooter?

Set up a CCTV camera to watch the door, and don't let anybody in if they look suspicious? Get strong doors and locks? Carry an inoffensive object that you could use as a weapon if you had to? Don't hang around outside your home? I don't know about things that break......I try to fix broken stuff, but when I can't, I replace it or get the man in. Your utility bills should have the phone numbers of the people who can fix gas, water and electricity, though they might try to put you through management-speak hell when you call them, and it's hard to know if they're helping you or just fleecing you, which is kind of important if money's tight.

Money can be easier to manage if you deal only in cash - you can see how much you've got. But it makes it harder to pay the bills. Could possibly use an online account with a debit card that has no overdraft so that you can't overspend, if you make sure you move any money you want to save into a separate account that doesn't have a card.

Those are the coping strategies I've used for the problems you have. Everybody's different of course, but hopefully there'll be something in there that's worth a try.

I have the calendar marked with the mortgage date--I cross it off after I pay it each month. For other bills, I've gotten into the habit of paying them as soon as they arrive--that way I don't clutter my mind with having to remember to pay them.

Except I forget to look at the calendar. This has always been a problem for me. It almost like I can focus on the task of organizing, or I can focus on something else. I can't focus on a task and have a secondary focus on the organization. I can't ever seem to meld the organizing with the tasks the organizing actually apply to. Organization is a task. Once I switch off organizing and move to a task, the organizing is lost.

Does that make any sense?

Yes, it can be tough to remember to look at the calendar--fortunately my wife will remind me once in a while! Ideally, we would get into the routine of looking at the calendar each day but this isn't easy.