opinions please

Post Reply New Topic

I am so mad and scared. My husband tends to lose or forget things constantly- keys every other week, wallet, ever month or so, etc. He seems to live within his own mind and is very unaware of his surroundings.

Today we had a giantic scare. We were out on a speed boat, and we had anchored in a little cove. As we were speeding up to leave, I see the anchor flying out of the water toward the boat. He had forgotten to bring up the anchor. What made me really mad is that he said this isn't the first time this has happened to him.

We had my best friend and our baby boy in the boat. Somebody could've died today. The anchor was just a few feet from my friend's head.

I really don't know what to do about these lapses he has. What can be done? Even in the worst-case scenario if I were to leave him, he'd still have visitation of our son. I was more scared when our son was a tiny baby, but as he got older, I felt a little more relaxed. Today just brought back the realization that he could really hurt someone. Is there anything that can be done to help him stay conscious of the physical world he is living in?

Sounds simplistic, but what about a checklist for certin situations (like they use social stories for kids).

Yeah thats good advice. First your not going to make him stop "lapses". Maybe
going over basic boating safety rules would be helpfull. Myself I did not know
that about anchors.

You didn't know that about anchors? Maybe I didn't explain it right. He drove off with the anchor still in the water.

Perhaps you should seek the assistance of a good mental health counselor or Ph.D. psychologist. Ask your physician.

I understood what you wrote. I would not have thought the physic of the situation
would have made it into a projectile. Then I do not know how fast your boat is or
how light the anchor was. My guess would have been it would have slowed the boat
in a sudden jerk maybe knocking people down or overboard.

walk-in-the-rain has a great idea .......Checklists.



Keys: He should make multiple copies (suggest 5). They also have those magnetic boxes that you can hide a key in that would stick to his car if he is out and can't get home cause he lost his keys. I'm guessing he also puts them down somewhere, anywhere in the house, and then forgets where they are when he needs them. Then, the keys show up some other time in different places around the house. Is this assumption right? Key copies cost only a dollar or less per key.

Wallet: More complicated. You always need your license and some $...What about something that he can't place anywhere or remove from his body (ie: a fanny pack.) They are worn around the waist and have a zipper or velcro to store small things in.

Trying to help.

Summer

I dont knoe enough about your situation or your husbands...Does he have a diagnoses?Have any possible physical health problems been ruled out...hypothyroid,hypoglycemic,history of alsheimers(can begin very young for some),AS....I would suggest ruling out any physical causes of memory loss before trying memory inhancing tools(lists do help me alot...and post it notes,and always having one place to put my keys or purse when I come home)These dont always work but help lessen number of episodes...I am also worried about you!Sounds like you are feeling stresed and angry at him for something that he can probably not control(or without much intervention and support)Maybe I'm off base here...but I know my life long forgetfulness drove my mom up the wall and got me so paranoid that I thought shee was actually stealing my stuff and hiding it from me so she could yell at me...The tenssion between us about these missunderstandings really ahrmed our relationship....have you sought counseling to help you deal with his behavior?

I really wasn't aware of that about speedboats either - but I have just been in the little aluminum fishing kind so no sudden drastic starts. I would have thought the anchor would drag - not become airborn.

Wow!

That is scary!

I would just thank your lucky stars that you are alive and understand that it had happened more. I would be careful not to let him make the same mistake again.