Confrontations and the aftermath

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Last night I had something of a confrontation with my aunt who has some prominent narcissistic traits. I tried to avoid it getting heated and just keep it civil. Everytime I made a point she shrugged it off and kept speaking like all she says is 100% fact and I should just listen. It got to her saying she loves me and wanting to know how I felt so I told her I am indiferent to her. (her words contradict her actions) I could tell it really upset her finding out I didn't love and adore her, she even tried to convince me I have the wrong impression of her and she is just so nice. Is this a big nono telling a person so focused on self they aren't as loved as they think? How do you guys think I can deal with the aftermath? I'm sure things will be awkward.

People like that shouldn't be allowed to exist in their little plastic bubbles of denial. You did the right thing.

I know it takes two to have an argument, and it is rarely worth assigning blame, but ... who is going to feel awkward here? It honestly sounds like she walked herself into discomfort, and she wanted your answer to her question. So she didn't want the honest answer you gave, but she still asked for it and you gave it.

If you didn't lose your cool and shout or use inappropriate language, then nothing has changed for you. It has changed for her and she will learn to deal with it.

No I can't stand shouting. Whenever I get really angry I tend to cry but it didn't get to that. I live with her and she is capable of making things dificult for me so I guess that's what I'm mostly concerned about.

I have an aunt on the ASD side of the family. I almost never see her but It's shocking to me how quickly she can say rude things. It's like she realizes she only has a brief window to insult and just jumps right in. Others have a similar reaction to her comments.

If you determine that she is one of those people who just looks for trouble, just avoid her.

What you describe sounds like one of these situations where someone has an issue in mind which is really bugging them, but get into a confrontation about something else. I am really, really bad at understanding what people mean by these confrontations, but I don't think it actually matters. If you are civil, polite and consistently honest, then you would have given the same answers whatever issues she raised.

Is there anything you said, or any method of saying it (e.g. tone of voice) that you regret, or feel you should apologise for? What about her? Maybe she will pretend nothing happened, maybe she will be awkward and silent. At worst, you might have to ask her to explicitly state what has upset her, because (as she must know), you have some difficulty in comprehending social situations.

Since she got in she hasn't said a word to me so awkward silence it is. I don't think I have anything to apologize for but she loves to be loved and since she now knows I don't particularly love her its upsetting to her.

Maybe you could apologize for hurting her feelings, without retracting what you said? She might appreciate the gesture. Just a thought.

I wish I could but I didn't speak to her disrespectfully and I was honest. She also wouldn't accept an apology like this, knowing her I would have to apologize for everything that took place for her to even consider it. Right now I'm trying to make arangements to move out by the end of this month.

I agree that you can not sincerely apologize for the way she feels, only for your own actions. But if there is an opportunity to have a discussion that is not further confrontation, then perhaps there is misunderstanding that can be resolved if all the facts are made explicit. She may have no idea at all that you want to move out because of this.

Good luck with how everything turns out.