Grief... and lack there of.

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My Mom went into respiratory arrest last night and flat lined for 30 minutes. Now she is in a coma and I am the one responsible for making 'pull the plug' decision. Uhg!

But all day I have been getting texts. "I'm sorry", "Gods will", etc. And I of course feel obligated to say something back.

What do I say that doesn't make me sound like the worlds biggest @$$?

I'm not an @$$. I just am so severely ret*d in this department that my brain can't process this event.

I think all that needs to be said is "Thank you for your thoughts". I think they also understand if you don't respond right away. They know you have a lot to deal with right now.

Just say "thankyou"... I don't know why but this seems to be the response people expect. Personally I have never like those sorts of cliche apologies and god-blaming rubbish.. I don't understand how it could possibly help or whatever but they all seem to do it O_o
Or, to txt messages you could probably say nothing and people may assume you are too upset to reply.

In my experience, I will often have trouble processing grief. It can take days or weeks before it sinks in. When my best friend was killed in a car accident in high school, I didn't cry a single tear until the funeral was over and we were walking down the street towards the cemetery. Yet I have written poem after poem about that event over the years, struggling to come to terms with it even decades later.

I understand you don't want to give people the wrong idea, and there's nothing wrong with trying to keep them from thinking you are something you are not. But don't sweat it too much. You are an individual. You process things like this differently from others. There's nothing at all wrong with that. You've got enough else to worry about without people who expect your reactions must be just like theirs.

If anyone notices anything odd, I would personally say that the impact was too great, and that you were still numb. That would be the truth (at least in my case, and I presume in yours) and it seems to be something even NTs can understand.

(Footnote: To give you an idea how bad my numbness can be, in the past, I have wondered if I might be a psychopath, because I didn't feel this or that which I was "supposed to" - only to discover the feeling was so intense it had numbed me so I only slowly came back to life.)

I don't think they're is a proper response. If someone has an issue with how you choose to cope with this situation than THEY have a problem.