My own kids are giving me sensory overload

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Arghhhhh!

This is just a vent, I don't expect answers.

So I am slowly coming to the realisation that I am an aspie.

I have a dd15 (NT?) ds6 (mild asd) and ds 4 (NT).

In particular, ds4 is driving me f@#king nuts. He does not leave me alone. He is all over me most of the day, touching me, kissing me, hugging me and climbing all over me. Tonight I had to lock myself in the bedromm for 15 minutes so that I didn't lose the plot. I cannot stand him coming near me now and he just keeps invading my space!! !! Yes I know he is 4 years old, but I am on the verge of having a meltdown!! !! !!

I felt that way with mine. People shouldn't have to be walled up alive with kids, they should organise themselves into groups so that the torch can be passed to fresh troops as soon as fatigue sets in. Kids have no idea how their constant demands for attention can do our heads in. And I can't even get rid of an adult without hurting their feelings, especially once I'm stressed out.

I'm not alone in this feeling then. I thought I was being a terrible mother.

No you're not.

I used to think I was a lousy father.....one thing that convinced me otherwise was when I took my son swimming when he was very small. I drifted out of my depth while holding him above the water. My head kept going under and I thought I was going to drown, and every time I went under, my arms automatically held my son aloft so he wouldn't drown, even though I was drowning myself in the process. It wasn't considered altruism or morality, it was raw instinct - my body clearly preferred its own death to his. So much for my idea that I didn't really care about him.

I totally know the feeling.. My 6 yr old is still catching onto the idea that theres only so much of her kissing me repetitively, draping herself over me, rubbing her face all over me, clinging, etc that I can deal with before I lose my cool
I've recently had to explain to her that I love her very much but I will not kiss her passionately on the lips... No idea where she got that idea from I've been single 2 years and I'm sure none of the TV shows she watches feature such things..
I have a special "adult only" area I escape to to unwind, pace, and not be clung to and she has learnt to respect that thank goodness!

Mine give me sensory overload a LOT...they have ADHD, all three of them and they can get very noisy and very "touchy". I have had to teach them to respect my personal space over the years (they're older now, 17, 13 and 10). The 13 year old is also being evaluated for AS and she "gets it" but often the other two do/did not, though the 17 year old is able to cognitively understand the AS now. It was a lot rougher when they were younger...whew.

~Kate

I'm not a parent yet but that's really normal, 4 year olds can be really clingy and mentally draining, especially if you have AS. Can your eldest help you out at all? Maybe only for a half an hour each day or something, just so you have a bit more time to yourself each day. And obviously take advantage of nap time!

It may also be worth trying to get your 4 year old to understand that mommy needs time out for herself too sometimes. I don't know if you do time out in your house or not, but if you do you can try explaining to him that you may need a few minutes to yourself sometimes. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed or frustrated, tell him that mommy needs a time out now, and ask him to play by himself for a little while or watch one of his favourite movies or TV shows while you sit by yourself. To reinforce this you can only give him a special toy, or let him watch one of his favourite shows and only let him play with that toy or watch the show during time out time so that eventually he will look forward to it and play quietly willingly.

Being the mother of four boys, all older now, I can relate.
One perspective that I haven't seen shared yet is that your 4 year old may be feeling insecure in your love for him. You stated that you "can't stand him coming near me now". Kids can pick up on feelings really well but they may not understand what is causing your feelings. It's possible that your child is actually seeking more affection in a physical way because he can sense your "rejection" and doesn't understand that it's the touch you are rejecting and not him.
I did explain to my boys at times that I was "touched out" and needed some space. My husband was also great to send me to my room at times that he could see that I was in sensory overload and I did try to make time each day for some showing of physical affection, like rocking with them and reading a story prior to bedtime. If you can find other ways of reassuring your son of your love for him, he might let up a little in the area of seeking physical reassurance.
Just a thought, hope it helps.

Mine are the same too sometimes I have three children, two on the spectrum. My oldest son is 13 and starting to understand, I think mostly as he has started to have more problems that way. Sometimes they are just so loud or I feel like they are all doing things that really drive me nuts but I know they don't mean it. Worst is when I'm tired or already getting overloaded and the other two set of my little aspie boy and I have to calm and help him while feeling like I really need some of that myself. If it's getting to much I got to my room in the dark for a bit which I always find helps or try and listen to some music on my own. Hate it when I get mad and shout cos I know they don't mean it and it doesn't really help or make me feel better

...just another reason I'm not really interested in having kids.

me 2, kids overwelm me. my sister and brother are much younger than me and when they were young...I had to be hospitalized because I would just nut up when they overwhelmed me. I know that I am not fit to be a parrent. I know this does not help, but websister is right, your 4 year old is sensing your withdrawl and is clinging to you more...perhaps you can explain to him that you love him but you dont like being touched and teach him ways to express himself without touching you or let him just touch your hands or something like that.

Jojo

Thank you everyone for the replies.

I am trying to get in to see my psychologist to get help for this and to get a diagnosis.

So glad that I'm not alone in this.