Kind of inbetween being socially very good &......

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I'm not sure how many people are like this on the spectrum or not even on the spectrum as the case is with me, but I feel as though I'm very good at social interaction up to a point. I seem to dress myself up, hiding under a vale in order to hide my problems & difficulties but when it comes to people getting to know me more or me opening up to people everything starts to become very obvious, that's when people start treating me like I'm a bit different, which annoys me. I feel like I'm on my own, there is no one I can relate to & really feel comfortable around, I'd love to be able to meet up with people who experience life on a similar level but I'm not even sure they exist. Anyone else feel like this?

OMG, I am so there with you. When I want to be I can be very sociable and charming and entertaining. But it is more like an act, like I am putting on a show. Seldom do I have the deep discussions I really wanna be having with people. And seldom do I feel any connection to people.

People are always confused about me, once they get to know me. They think I'm a social person who gets along with everyone. Sure, I CAN. Anyone can, if they work at it. But when you come home and feel no one can relate to you, there is a problem.

I'm sort of the same. I can socialize very well, but I'm usually just faking it. I've learned appropriate responses for different situations, and have observed how other people socialize enough to be able to reproduce that effect. However, this gets exhausting very quickly and I need to have enough alone time to re-energize before I try to socialize again. Once I get closer to people and they begin to realize my difficulties, they usually just think I'm a quirky person. A lot of people think I'm being quirky on purpose and think it's hilarious, even though I'm not trying to be funny. Thankfully, they're almost always laughing with me instead of laughing at me. This has actually helped me make some friends. The few close friends that I have know that I'm on the spectrum, but they don't really understand how much effort I have to put into every moment of socializing that I do.

I'm good at socialization with adults, but not peers.

When I'm feeling confident I'm a pretty good socializer, and I am pretty quirky too. It really does feel like an act when I'm talking to people and I want to make that deep emotional connection so badly. I just don't know how to go about it. It's like I get overwhelmed everytime I try. I have a habit of mimicking the social atmosphere I'm in so I can fit in better but it's really just a coping mechanism. When I'm around people I don't know I have no idea how to do anything besides ask generic questions. I've never opened up to anyone and I really don't know how. I feel like I lack the ability to be myself around others

I get along better with people who are at least 5 years older than myself, than I do with my own peers. I share more interests in common with people who are at least older by one age group. I feel that my typical peers would be a waste of my time and that I would be better off listening to my music than hanging out with them on the nights that I don't go out with my friends. I had one so-called friend who was within my age group. She was into guys, make up, Top 40 and the fashions of today. I had nothing in common with her, and we each went our own separate ways. I get to spend my free time on WP and listening to The Kinks and YouTube now. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I can also be very good at socializing if I want. People think I have a lot of friends and that Im a very social person. I have not learned it anywhere. I am conscious when socializing and I understand the people I talk to, so I know exactly how to act/adapt. I did this so good for a while that people treated me like a superstar (between 18-21). When my best friend left me (because he was in love with me, and I didnt want him) I started taking it seriously that I didnt have any close friends. I have tried to stop acting and to get down on a more honest level with people, which has led me into difficult situations -> most people dont take me seriously if Im not acting, and some people have abused my honesty.
I still dont have any close friends, only distant ones that think we are close; because I cant talk about the things that interest me and the things that I deal with personally, because its freaking people out. I have some very good aspie friends but they have less trouble socializing than me, they actually have many close friends, so Im not satisfied with myself, because I know there is something I could do better.
People can have the condition of acting and being unconscious at the same time (I guess they are honest then). This condition is impossible for me.
Anyway I recognize the condition of my conversation partners, and sometimes I have a conscious person in front of me, and thats the only interesting social situation I can have.

I wouldnt be able to deal with people if I had learned spesific responses for single situations. I read the people like I read my cat at home or any other animal, and I cant fit naturally into it myself; because Im conscious. I can only do the fake level, but I can also fake the unconscious level -> and let people understand what I want them to understand -when they think Im unconscious. I also have the feeling of being responsible because Im conscious about the way I affect my surroundings. Im aware of every movement I make, and therefore it is important to make the movements in accordance with my feelings (its a consentration issue), and because Im so aware of myself, it requires a lot of courage to finish the movements; because I know which effect they have. I dont want to be a fake, so this is my solution.

I just still cant support my solution with saying that I have close friends....so it is a hypothesis.

Sure. I'm exactly like that.

I can charm people for a short period of time but as they get to know me many people will realize that I'm not that charming person and put me in a different box. I call it, "being spotted". This was much more of a problem when I was younger but it's still with me.

One example of where that doesnt happen, or is overcome, is if I get along with someone particularly well. But setting aside the extremes (those who will greatly like/dislike me for other reasons), the great middle is what I'm referring to here.

ive found that the closer ive gotten to my friends the more problems come up and mostly because of me

The closer I get to my friends the more crazy they think I am. People have not thought about things in the detailed extent that I have, and they usually tell me that I have a problem, and want to end the conversation without even try to understand what Im talking about. Also I recognize their limits, so I know what they wont understand if I start talking, so it is often not even worth a try to get close. It is not worth it because if I tell somebody something and the person doesnt understand, I have a bad feeling about it all, because the person might understand things completely wrong. This led also me to think that I was the problem, and that Im maybe crazy. I know that I dont fit the standard, but Im not crazy.

Sure....I can hyperfocus on social stuff and sometimes beat the NTs at their own game. But it seems I can't keep up the effort indefinitely, and when I'm not hyperfocussed on it, I just have to sit there like an ineffective slob who has no interest in anybody.

+9000

I also need a break, but I can be a very effective slob, consentrating on the interesting stuff

Quite common. We learn the patterns, get together a big "appropriate behavior" database, but the natural behavior and flexibility that NTs have will never really be possible. And, unfortunately, that database doesn't include all the things we want to express and do; so it feels limiting to use it and we often have to break out of it--at the cost of seeming eccentric, confusing, or crazy--in order to convey what we really want to say. In my mind, it's best to simply get the people around you used to the idea that you are eccentric, so that they will be prepared to deal with somewhat unusual communication. It is much better than being misunderstood because you put on such a careful "normal" act that people assume anything you do must be within the context of "normal".

Yes maybe your absolutely right and now I think Ive almost understood myself. My natural behavior is not normal, so I cant be like that, I have to watch my step. I have the urge to express all that is possible to express according to how I feel, and that would definitely look crazy for a normal person. You cant do what you want in this society, so Im surpressing and surpressing my nature. If I want to lay down on the ground I already have to check if it might be inappropriate. Bad example, but if you understand; The social rules restrict me from following my nature. This "natural behavior and flexibility" of NTs is not very natural in the end, but it is in fact very much based on fear. It is also based on the neccesarity to concern that we live in a society and because we are so many, we must behave in a way that is comfortable for everybody, but there is a limit between this and where you can be allowed to live. Or do you think that all humans should behave in a way that helps the surviving of man kind/only care about the society? I think I can live like I please and contribute with what Ive got to share as long as I go the good way, and I think a lot of the social rules are superfluous. Me for example dont need a false smile and I wouldnt care if people would climb the trees etc. Do you know what I mean? Where is the limit? People are almost matching each other of fear that they might stick out.

I feel as though I'm simultaneously people-smart and people-clueless, but it's not about putting on a social act. It's more that there are certain aspects of how people work and how to get along with them that I truly know well and in a way that doesn't feel effortful/strained, but there are also certain aspects of the subtlety of human interaction and social cues that I'm clueless about.

Somehow, even though I'm 'useless with social cues' (as one friend said), I get along okay with most people I know. I find this a bit puzzling, but I'm glad it works out as well as it does.