Not being aware?

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I am not saying this accounts for all aspies but is thier a reason why we are 'unaware' of the wishes needs and feeling of our friends and family?

Probabaly the reason why my friendship is going down hill.

What kind of awareness do you mean in your topic? Could you elaborate?

I think, in retrospect, I was incredibly oblivious of a lot of things until my early-mid 20s. This would bother me a lot when I was that age because I'd realize I was totally oblivious and feel like there was something seriously wrong with me.

For me, it was my mid to late-20s, and even into my 30s and even today.

Now, various breakthroughs have been seeing that social reads of where another person is emotionally are inherently vague, inherently imprecise. And that is perfectly okay. For example, if someone needs space, I can go ahead and give them space with that intermediate step of asking if they 'should' need space.

I use sonar. I constantly repeat, "are you okay?", "How's it going". I bounce it off people all of the time hoping theyll just tell me.

My gf was kidding me about it long before I suspected AS.

I am still pretty oblivious. What you said about asking people and simon_says said about sonar helps. Although, I had a couple people claim that was attention/reassurance seeking behavior because they couldn't imagine why I would check with them like that.

I actually learned to ask people these things in a college class. It was aimed at neurotypicals, but the part that stuck with me was the advice on dealing with social uncertainty, for some reason.

Its hard to make good impressions and maintian friendships when you do not know how they feel about you or what they expect you to do for them. i am not saying people with AS need instructions or anything but you will find you will repel a lot of people if you do not do what is expect from you.

i think this all has to with theaory of mind etc.........

I'm pretty much blind to social cues when I am interacting with someone. There is a part of my mind that just hates to focus on such things. I can do it if I force myself to do it, but I constantly have to remind myself to do it. If I'm distracted or trying to concentrate on what I am doing, I lose it.

I think it's because a lot of it is communicated nonverbally or non-directly, and we tend to have trouble with that.

I'm developing more of an ability to tell when someone is on a good positive flow.

And to pay them a matter-of-fact compliment, or otherwise coach them along.