AS without meltdowns?

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Hi guys,

I finally read through Rudy Simone's Aspergirls and I think it cleared up some issues for me. I'm seeing that there ARE differences between me and the "typical" Aspie female, but also that there are some definite similarities. I'm not actively seeking a diagnosis, per say, but I'm just trying to learn more about my behaviors and traits. AS does explain a lot in my life, but I think I'm not a textbook example (if I do indeed have it). I think my struggles might be more indicative of a learning disorder or ADD. Who knows!

One of the main differences I noticed is that I was never prone to meltdowns. My mom was always really in tune to my needs and I never cried or fussed very much. I've always been very quiet. I am, however, prone to "shutdowns" every once in awhile, when life gets too overwhelming. I withdraw from the world around me and fail to take action when I should be reacting. It's "deer in the headlights" syndrome, for sure.

Another difference I noticed is that I'm not necessarily prone to literal thinking. However, I will expect someone to be someplace at the time they specify. It can make me very anxious if they don't show up on time. I will also expect them to be true to their word. If they say they do or don't do a certain thing, I take their word for it.

One more thing that I noticed is that, while I do have routines, they aren't necessarily of the OCD sort. My room can get messy. I don't have to eat dinner at a certain time or have a certain meal. I do try new things.

However, I'm particular about certain details. I'm very specific about what constitutes a "proper meal" and I can't always eat what is put in front of me. I'm picky, though I try not to be. Also, another example is that the sheets of my bed must be a certain way or I will flip out. I will get up in the middle of the night and fix them if they aren't just right. Some of this may be sensory issues.

Next, I am not good with planning ahead. The future doesn't really exist to me until it's here. I miss deadlines and I have trouble sustaining interest in something over time. Projects that require spending time and energy over the long term never work out well for me. I'm very forgetful. I don't do the things that I intend to do. I can be consistent about my hobbies, though, and other things that interest me. I do obsess often, but what I obsess over might change from day to day. Today might be something related to psychology, the next day it might be art-related, the next perhaps something school-related. I wish it weren't so hot and cold. I'd love to just settle on ONE topic of interest. My friend is in love with astronomy and she's studied that since day 1. She's now almost done with a PhD program... and I'm still struggling with what I want to be "when I grow up."

A few reasons I do think I have AS, though, are that I struggle a lot with making friends [most other social situations too]. I can be a good friend when I finally do meet the right person, but it takes me a long time to warm up to someone. Even then, I can go weeks without contacting them. It's not that I don't appreciate them... it's just that I don't think of it. I have to really encourage myself to maintain friendships. The idea of contacting someone for emotional support is also way out of my league. I don't mind speaking to them after the fact, though, and I sometimes give them the reporter version. "X happened, then Y happened, then Z. And this is how I dealt with it."

I also have some trouble responding in a socially appropriate manner at times. I've never been accused of being lacking in empathy, but I can be cruel sometimes without meaning to be. If I decide a relationship is over, it's over... and I will sever ties just like that. I have trouble noticing the impact that I have on others. When I do understand it, I will feel emotion accordingly. But if I don't know, I don't know. And if I can't relate to what a person's going through, I will not be able to respond properly. I'm socially savvy enough to "fake" a response, though. At least most of the time. I know what I should be feeling, and I know that I don't feel it.

Oh well, not sure why I'm even writing this. I don't really expect any responses. I'm just sharing because I feel like it, I guess. ^^ And because it helps me put some of my thoughts into words. I don't need anyone to tell me if they think I actually have AS or not. It's just a label, after all, and I've decided it's not important for me to obsess over. But if you relate to what I'm saying, feel free to respond. I'm always glad to find a kindred spirit.

hi,

thanks for your post, might help me understanding asperger girls better .
I would like to know, if your feelings, emotions are much stronger than that of normal people, are you hypersensitive?

thanks,
anton

I think that I am the only one who is has had meltdowns, but not shutdowns.

AS without meltdowns?

Like cheese without wine.

Hamburgers without ketchup.

Fish without chips.

They might go together well, but it doesn't mean they have to.

I tend to under-react more than overreact. I'm usually seen as the calm, level-headed one. I may have a lot of internalized stress, but I rarely show it outwardly. I've learned to show emotion like happiness, but I rarely express negative emotions if I can help it.

I do feel some things much stronger than others, though. I can't stand horror films, for example. They scare me and activate that "fight or flight" reaction. xD Logically, I will know that I have nothing to fear, but it really doesn't seem to matter. I also have difficulty handling "tense" moments. If I'm watching a movie at home and I know something bad is going to happen, there are times when I need to pause and walk around for a little. It never turns out as bad as I expect, but watching the events can be almost painful for me.

I also can't stand the idea of animals getting hurt. I'm much more likely to be in tears after watching a sad animal movie than going to a funeral. Otherwise, I rarely cry except when something is physically wrong with me (ie I'm hungry, tired, sick, or in pain).

In short, I'd say I'm hyper-sensitive when it comes to some things... but hypo-sensitive when it comes to other things.

I'm not really sure what a melt down is. I keep reading it here and can think of certain things I may call melt downs but I'm not sure that is what is meant. If anyone can elaborate on what a melt down involves then I can tell you whether I have them?

xD Well, you don't have to have shutdowns.

I can only remember losing my temper one time. I got into an argument with a friend when I was maybe 11 or 12. Long story short, I got really frustrated and lashed out at her. Afterward, I refused to associate with her and never contacted her again.

I don't know if it was a full-blown meltdown, but I do remember I had to take a bath after because I couldn't calm down.

I shutdown rather than meltdown. Meltdowns are always trouble and at 47 I have learned to stay out of trouble for the most part.

^^ Yay, food!

*sorry, distracted by mention of yummy things*

A meltdown is something like when a kid has a temper tantrum. From what I've read, they are often caused by sensory overload. I tend to think of a pot boiling over or something under pressure. It builds, it builds, and then it explodes.

I never had temper tantrums, though, even as a kid. I barely cried. You might want to get someone else to explain it to you. Someone that understands what they are and has experienced them.

That's good that you've learned to stay out of trouble. I'm glad that I don't have to deal with them too. I can definitely see how meltdowns would cause serious problems, especially for someone who is expected to be grown up and mature (as if that really happens ). All the same, I'm sure it does a lot of damage to one's reputation.

Shutting down can be painful too, though, in its own way.

I think I used to and would probably sound like a psycho if I described them. I don't now, I have a responsibility to stay calm and in control.

I will wait and see if anyone else describes them. I will try and get hold of that book though, just googles it, sounds worth reading. Now to work out how to order it online and not have anyone know I received it in the post or to see me read it!!

It's a good book. I wish I had read it years ago. The author gives a lot of good advice directed at young women with AS. It would've been really nice to know during high school or before I entered college.

I wouldn't say I have meltdowns or shutdowns persay, I also have a pretty high "boiling point" in regards to stress, anger and such. My problem is no one can really see it coming, it's a switch that just get flipped and while it doesn't all come crashing down it does effect my performance and reasoning when it does happen. I usually need to take a time out for about 10 mins to cool off, center myself, and realize it's most likely something stupid and so far removed form my control that being frazzaled about it really isn't helping. These events are few and far between but they do happen.

As a female with AS, my meltdown-to-shutdown ratio is about 3:1.

I don't have either as often as I used to, though.

Why do you always make these kinds of outrageous assumptions? It's really getting tiring.