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zeldapsychology
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19 Mar 2011, 10:30 am

My friend got an awesome pretty ring for her and her boyfriends 4 year anniversary (of being together they aren't married BTW) I replied (on FB) that "I wish I had a boyfriend to give me nice stuff!! !" Mom read that and said Brandy (in a shocked tone) as if writing that is bad. I'm confused how is that bad? You feel kind of bad not having a boyfriend to give you nice stuff like a ring etc. What's wrong with that view and stating my opinion out right? I tend to just speak my mind. I don't believe saying that was bad. Can anyone explain?



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19 Mar 2011, 10:40 am

I understand your point of view. Maybe your mother misinterpreted your opinion. Maybe she interpreted it as "Oh, I ONLY want a boyfriend for the hell of receiving nice presents", however I'm not sure. Maybe she interpreted your comment as an envious statement. Oh well, we can never be sure of NTs.


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Janissy
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19 Mar 2011, 10:42 am

It sounds bitter, as though she shouldn't post about her happiness because it makes you feel bad.



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19 Mar 2011, 10:45 am

I can't really see how this was bad either. Could be any of many reasons. It could be either/or both of tomboywriter101's suggested reasons or it could be something totally different. She could have interpreted it as a jibe at your friend aswell.


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19 Mar 2011, 10:48 am

It is not bad. I think it is just one of those times when you are not supposed to interject "I's". Usually when girls get something from someone like a boyfriend, they want you to go on about how beautiful or wonderful the object is and how happy you are for her and so on, not saying anything about yourself in relation to it. I believe it is an all about her moment? My best guess...


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zeldapsychology
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19 Mar 2011, 10:50 am

It wasn't a jealously I hate you statement I understand how saying it verbally I wish I had a boyfriend to give me gifts! (in a harsh tone) but this if said verbally would be a sad tone BOO! I wish I had a boyfriend to give me gifts! :-( (sad face). Perhaps she misinterpreted. I also don't mind her happiness IMO great for her but it's more out of sadness than rude jealously hate. :-)



zeldapsychology
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19 Mar 2011, 10:54 am

Why make it all about her. This isn't the last time her or any female I know will get a pretty gift from a guy. If it's my sister/husband I'd be more into it great that looks awesome but they are family since it's a friend then I do feel sad Boo! I don't have a boyfriend to give me nice gifts. Also I understand a BF is more than gifts I want him to love me for me and understand my traits etc. so it's more than gifts. :-) Good view though.



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19 Mar 2011, 12:37 pm

You didn't do anything wrong sweetie it's just one of those unwritten social rules for girls.
When a girl's girlfriend/boyfriend buys them something nice you are supposed to just let it
be all about them. It makes the moment even more special.
Confusing I know.


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19 Mar 2011, 12:52 pm

You could have said a hell of a lot of worse things .. :P

I wouldn't worry too much about it; I'm sure your friend knows you well enough not to take it the wrong way.



zeldapsychology
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19 Mar 2011, 1:15 pm

Lene wrote:
You could have said a hell of a lot of worse things .. :P

I wouldn't worry too much about it; I'm sure your friend knows you well enough not to take it the wrong way.



Thanks for all the replies. Also while mom made a comment my friend is nice and I've discussed that I had AS (since she did a paper on Autism in one of her college courses once.) :-) I sent her a link to WP's article on it and such. :-) I'm glad she's understanding.



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19 Mar 2011, 1:21 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Lene wrote:
You could have said a hell of a lot of worse things .. :P

I wouldn't worry too much about it; I'm sure your friend knows you well enough not to take it the wrong way.



Thanks for all the replies. Also while mom made a comment my friend is nice and I've discussed that I had AS (since she did a paper on Autism in one of her college courses once.) :-) I sent her a link to WP's article on it and such. :-) I'm glad she's understanding.


Sounds like you have a great friend. You did nothing wrong anyway, I would have said the same thing.


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19 Mar 2011, 1:37 pm

Sounds so typical of your family again. Always getting upset over little things you say :roll:



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19 Mar 2011, 2:03 pm

I think what your mom heard was "My friend's with her boyfriend to get nice stuff" even though that's not what you said. So that's why she's acting like that. She's reading into what you said that you must have meant that the purpose of boyfriends is to give nice stuff, not for the company or because you like someone.

But yeah, when people get presents from boyfriends or that the reaction that will almost always be right enough that people won't read into it is to gush over how nice the gift is and say what a nice person the giver is and lastly express happiness for the person getting the gift (but without emphasis on the gift but rather on the consideration the gift giver shows the recipient).



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19 Mar 2011, 2:09 pm

That conveyed that you only want a boyfriend to get nice material things from and not a real connection to the person. It might also of made you seem jealous of your friend.


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zeldapsychology
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19 Mar 2011, 2:13 pm

Peko wrote:
That conveyed that you only want a boyfriend to get nice material things from and not a real connection to the person. It might also of made you seem jealous of your friend.


Good point. While I don't feel "jealous/mad" I do at times feel sad that I don't have that connection with someone material things aside IMO. While the ring was a fancy girly ring I'll take a LOTR ring or a Superman Ring or something geeky over girly rings. :-) (Walks around with a Horcrux ring from Harry Potter! YA!)



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19 Mar 2011, 2:28 pm

You were implying that her ring was nice, has anyone thought of that :)


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