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superfantastic
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31 Aug 2006, 2:39 pm

I can't believe how hard just saying that little word can be! If someone says hi first it's easy, but when I see someone I know it's just impossible, unless it's a friend.
I mean like when I meet someone from my class on the subway ride to school, I'd like to say hello so they won't all hate me. Right now I stare at the floor or fake sleeping, so they won't think "what a b***h, she saw me and won't even say hi". I don't want everyone to like me, but they're going to be my classmates for another 3 years, I'd like to be able to greet them at least.

How do you do this?



marcus-As
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31 Aug 2006, 2:53 pm

If i meet a stranger then i tend to say "Hey, hows it going. my name's Marcus" and put my hand out for a hand shake. They usually reply " hey marcus, i'm bob" (replace bob with whoever), I say "nice to meet you Bob", and then let the other guy take the lead in the conversation. I may need to stimulate the conversation but I will then let him lead.

If a friend introduces me to another friend (rare 4 me) "hey marcus, meet bob", I say "hi bob" offering my hand (or whatever greeting is in vogue) "hows it going, have you known joey for long?"

If you learn a standard greeting routine and you know it works all the time then you are 90% there.

Marcus.

Ps. SMILE WHEN GREETING. nomatter what.

If you make a false smile, it is only false for you. The other people see your smile as acceptance and will be more comfortable with you.
I know it is hard, I am still learning. BUT! every time I fake a smile then people will talk to me with comfort and not the feeling that i will claim their soul.

M.x



Last edited by marcus-As on 31 Aug 2006, 2:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

davethecave
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31 Aug 2006, 2:54 pm

How about giving them a nice smile instead.

Would that work?



superfantastic
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31 Aug 2006, 2:59 pm

Maybe. I don't know, it's just all so hard.
Anyway, thanks, I'll try smiling.
(like so: :))



marcus-As
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31 Aug 2006, 3:08 pm

You will be surprised how easy it really is.

If you confront your AS and become its master then you have the greatest tool.

Many standard people have the same fears as you, it is just that you are so much more in contact with those fears than standard people. Just as you are more in contact with many things that others do not understand..
You have something more then others, not something less.

Keep with it and be strong.

Marcus.



waterdogs
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31 Aug 2006, 3:11 pm

everything has to be going my way that day for me to walk up to someone, and innitiate any good conversation that will get either of us anywhere.



Fraya
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31 Aug 2006, 3:12 pm

I have a tendency that when I see a person I know Ill say their name to myself.. more often than not they'll hear me and come say hi first :P

Yeah its cheating but hey :P

Helps me remember names as well.


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superfantastic
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31 Aug 2006, 3:29 pm

Hi Marcus, Dave, Waterdogs and Fraya :)

Thanks



Tally
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31 Aug 2006, 3:39 pm

My brain does not normally work quick enough to say hello first, or even to reply to them if they say it first. I normally manage to smile at them though.



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31 Aug 2006, 3:39 pm

Usually with me if I see a person I know I just acknowledge them with their name. Like say for example if someone I know sees me they usually say "hey John" or just "John" and nod, and I acknowledge back by saying "hey" and their name or just their name and nodding. No ones ever stopped at me and said "hi, how's it going?" Yet.



krex
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31 Aug 2006, 4:14 pm

Usually I have a book with me and dont look at people in social settings...even if I "know" someone I dont usually remember their name or where I have seen them....this is very embarassing ,so I keep my eyes on the grounfd or on my book.If I dont recognize them and where I met them(like some co-workers)I just raise my hand and wave alittle...dont know how this looks but it helps if the word hello is stuck in my throat(or I need time to identify them in my brain rolodex...I am so old I dont have a brain with a Blackberry)...I know that people in highschool thought I was "stuck-up" because I cant fake an interest in Cosmo or some jock they had a crush on...oh well,we dont all have to be social geniouses....


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TigerFire
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31 Aug 2006, 5:09 pm

This is come become a pattern for me. Used to when I was in a voc rehab center I would say hi how you doing to any stranger passing by me but no one actually said anything in return. So I usually don't say anymore but in malls and stores I don't say a think. Neither a hi or a goodbye. I just nod.


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superfantastic
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31 Aug 2006, 5:38 pm

Thanks for all the suggestions, but it isn't the word that's the problem. I guess I'm just socially anxious or a social phobic or just shy. I don't know, it feels as if there were a wall between the person and myself.



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31 Aug 2006, 6:03 pm

Personally I hate when people say hi to me or ask how my weekend was. I hate having to acknowledge every person I pass in the hallway at work because I work with over 150 people. I dread the handshake thing because I don't like sharing other people's germs. However handshakes seem to be reserved these days only with acknowledging high ranking co-workers or greeting doctors for the first time. At least in my neck of the woods...and thank God.

But anyway "hi" everyone. :roll:



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31 Aug 2006, 6:06 pm

I am from an area in the rural south where all greetings and departures are protracted experiences. The anxiety of trying to figure out what to say next is almost painful. At least now I am now able to say Hi to people quickly but I still have trouble recalling names quickly (even though I do know the person's name). A nod is usually okay also. Just saying hello and just nodding are usually more acceptable on the college campus I am at than out in the "real world." I only know what is acceptable and not because my dad will tell me I was anti-social, and I wasn't even aware of it.



superfantastic
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31 Aug 2006, 6:12 pm

Oh, in Argentina you're supposed to kiss on the cheek when you greet friends, family and classmates (from my experience, but I'm not too sure about who you kiss). It's always awkward because I'd rather just say hi (sensory issues) and the other person sometimes expects a kiss. Still, not kissing is acceptable.