Emotion

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Do Aspies and Auties feel emotion differently? People always congratulate others and feel proud for them when they achieve something. I don't feel this way for people. People feel another's pain when, let's say, their dog died. I don't feel this. I feel indifferent. I somewhat talked to my mom about this and she said I sound cold and I feel differently than others do due to my autism.

Thoughts? Insight? Could use anything.

I don't understand it either. It's not that I don't really feel emotion differently, but I'm not sure why I should show that I feel it. If my dog dies, I don't expect anybody to feel sorry for me any more than I want to feel sorry for someone else. But for most people it's like "oh I feel bad; let's all feel bad together" or something like that. I really don't get it.

Do you think that when people are congratulating each other, a part of them is faking it?

Seriously, anybody?

I think it's a social ritual, done more for form than function. I suspect some congratulations are genuine (I have given genuine congratulations to people, for that matter, and I am autistic), but I think that it's one of those things that's expected in a certain context, like "How are you doing?" and "thank you."

A lot of that kind of thing seems fake to me.

Whether I feel for someone depends on a lot of different factors, and it's not even necessarily whether I even know them. I sometimes get pretty emotional about things that other people will brush off, and then I don't get emotional about things that other people do. I really don't understand it at all. I tend to get upset when I do get emotional.

I think the difference is my emotions are derived more from cognitive activity than social activity. I find people and conversations boring for the most part and don't really connect with most people. On the other hand I have a strong sense of justice and feel strongly for the downtrodden, suffering, etc. Combined with my own depression I don't have a good way of dealing with that stuff and can get worked up to the point of fury over just how f***ed up and unfair the world is. I'm also deeply moved by what I perceive as beauty. The experience of beauty is something I crave a lot and I get despondent when my depression seems to take that experience away from me. Overall I'd say I'm much more sensitive and prone to moods than most people. It's hard coping in a world of mostly insensitive people. Socially I can see how there is the perception that I show little emotion, even though that is far from my true inner reality.

Totally. Especially if it's something that they envy the other person for. I've witnessed it many times.
I'm an emotional grenade. I cannot hide my emotions from other people so if I really don't feel happy for someone they can see it written all over my death stare and the steam coming out of my ears.

When something bad happens, I'm not nearly as sad as other people, but still am, of course. I guess I express it a little more mutely. Same thing goes for good things, though to a slightly lesser extent.

I do think Aspies feel emotion differently. I think that in Aspies emotions are more intense. The problem is that those emotions need to be real.

When NTs congratulate others or feel sorry for others they are usually faking it. Just saying the words without feeling the emotions. I know because I am NT. I can say "I am so happy for you" without being happy for you, or say "I am so sorry about your lost" when honestly I do not give a crap. And I notice others doing the same. Just notice people at the church. They go and say "I am so sorry for your lost" and then turn around and start talking s**t about the deceased or the family. But you do that because it is expected from you. It is courtesy. There are rules. You are expected to say those things and act as you really feel that way. It is supposed to be helpful for the person who is receiving those words, and make them feel better (I am not sure if that really works - in my particular case I know they are faking so I accept the words but mean nothing to me). The only way I can really feel what I am saying is if the person is really close to me, like my husband or my child (not even my other family members anymore -mom, dad, sisters, etc.- we live really apart now so I do not care that much about them anymore).

For an Aspie it is very difficult and incomprehensible to say things they do not feel; there is the difference.

I also thought about this when before a video show, my friend was upset that our documentary about the eighth grade (we're graduating) wasn't going to be shown and burst into tears. I couldn't muster up any reaction. I didn't say "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so mad, blah blah blah" and when she left, I lied down on the chairs. Then some girl (my ex-friend) decided to chastise me when I said that I wasn't nearly as worked up as my friend was. She then asked how I could not care when the documentary was about my class and my friend was in tears. It was an odd situation.

Doesn't anyone hate it when they're pressured to care?

idk it is just awkward and weird

We're all different. Some of us care too little, some of us care too much and some of us care the right amount. I'm the type who cares too much.

Well I come in here under the Undiagnosed label. I would say I'm not totally emotionally numb. I can be happy or mad in my own way.

It's strange I'm trying to think of a way to put it. It might actually be that if certain things fall under what I consider "interesting" I'm more likely to feel an emotion about it. While things outside that "Interest" zone are distant on the mental radar.

But, there are certain things that can set me off. Like people giving bad directions. Also contradicting instructions. Or especially during speeches or campaign commercials from certain politicians that contain loopy logic and they don't make sense.

Sometimes I feel like my reaction to these things is unusually intense. I would label this emotion more specifically as being very intensely Indignant.

Strangely in a different context I find these same things extremely humorous. Especially loopy logic or loopy story telling in comedy.

Your use of the word "interesting" is, well, interesting. I'm not sure I "care" the way other people seem to - and I stress the word "seem" because I'm not convinced they're not faking it - but there are things that I find interesting and those that I don't.

As already said, physically showing empathy is more a social ritual then anything else, aimed at making the other like you more because you allegedly share his/her feelings about something. I am under the impression that most adults are aware of the lack of sincerity of such displays. Which begs the question:
Why do people still do this? Doesn't the knowledge that the other probably doesn't actually share your feelings defeat his purpose?