Help for significant others of those with Aspergers?

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I am in love with a male Aspie, being a NT female, and I just have a couple questions concerning this;
-Do you have any tips on conversation? I love when he gets on little rants about his "obsessions" because I love learning new things, and we share similar interests. One thing on that, if I don't know what he's talking about, would it be better to ask and have him explain it to me or would they prefer me having previous knowledge (i.e, look up what he's talking about?) Sometimes though, he just won't be responsive to any conversation I try to start, or if I as a question will often just say 'idk' which frustrates the hell out of me. I need to know of a way to handle it when (as he puts it) his battery is drained. He described it as he could only take so much conversation in a day before he could no longer do it. What should I do when it hits this point? How can I deal with the frustration of the moment, and how to keep him talking?
-He has a problem with body language, so what should I do to try to make my feelings clear in the moment? It kind of sucks, because I am not good at body language (I can't frown for example) and he can't pick up the most subtle of hints. Usually we just end up sharing what's going on, but when he gets into those moods where he won't talk, it's difficult.
-Random question, how long do you think you should wait before telling a SO about having AS? He waited almost four months, and I have to admit I was angry. It would have been helpful to know this before so I didn't just think he was a shy, awkward, nerdy kid.
-As we are still in high-school, and it being one shit-hole of a popularity contest, he doesn't tell people. Any, people. Some of his closest friends don't even know, and I am one of about five who do. So, I am not going to go around telling people. One thing I can't deal with though, is how none of my friends understand. Like, it took him three months to kiss me, and even longer to even hold hands in public. My friends would make fun of him and me and try to make him do it. Stuff like that, gets me stumped on how to tell my friends, without telling my friends. An excuse basically.
-The last, least important one. How does one deal with, how should I phrase it. The lack of romanticism? Sometimes he's really sweet and just is so cute and stuff, but other times, I feel myself being jealous of my friends relationships when they plan romantic evenings and such. Should I encourage him to try and do this more?

Thank you for all your help on this subject!
If you find one with AS, don't let them go. They'll probably be one of the best, most interesting person that comes into your life.

Chances are, he would be absolutely thrilled to explain it to you. The only thing people with AS like more than talking about their interests, is when the other person wants to hear about their interests (they will talk about it regardless though).



You should leave him alone. People with AS generally need a lot of alone time.



You just don't. If he's tired he's tired.



Be explicit with him. If you are angry, tell him. If you are frustrated, tell him.



I will wait as long as I want. Sometimes it's relevant to the relationship, sometimes it isn't. You thought he was just a shy, awkward, nerdy kid. Having AS doesn't change any of that. He's still a shy, awkward, nerdy kid and you liked him for that, correct?



You don't need an excuse. Your friends aren't dating him and it's really none of their business. They should have the consideration to respect your relationship with him, or at the very least, you shouldn't be concerned with their opinions unless they are ones of concern for you for a valid reason.



Let us remember he and you are teenagers and still rather new to the relationship scene. Boys also tend to lag in certain skills than girls, and you are probably his first girlfriend. You can't expect him to be a Cassanova. You can tell him you really like romance and suggest you two do something romantic, but don't be surprised if you have to walk him through it.

There's a great many family members of Aspies here; you should hang around. Bring your Aspie SO, too, so you can work on this together.

Re. Obsessions:
Personally, I love teaching people about the stuff I know. If you're interested, ask him where he learned his information so you can learn about it too, and then compare facts. Sounds like you guys are well matched in that respect--you both like to learn. I find that very attractive in a person, myself.

Re. Body language:
Use words. Tell him how you're feeling. Pretty simple; you just have to remember to do it. Also ask him how he's feeling, because if he can't read body language it's not too unlikely that he may sometimes forget to display it, or use the wrong body language, or display it too strongly. I've had to explain to my counselors that I over-express emotion, and that what I'm feeling isn't actually as strong as it seems, so that they won't worry that I'm drowning in drama.

Re. Your friends:
It's his decision whether to come out or not; his life. You're right to protect his privacy. But in many cases, AS traits can be explained without actually talking about it as a disorder, and that can actually be quite a bit better. For example, I have problems with tube fluorescent lights because they flicker horribly. I don't have to explain all about sensory processing and overload to people; I just have to say, "You know, those fluorescents are flickering and it's driving me crazy. Can we turn them off and sit next to the window instead?" You can do something similar. Tell your friends what he's experiencing--say he doesn't like hanging all over you in public; it feels embarrassing to him. If they still make fun of him, tell them it's not cool and they need to stop it. Your BF has the right to be who he is, and the right not to do anything he doesn't want to do, and they shouldn't be shaming him for it.

Re. Romanticism:
Well, a lot of guys do that because they know that it'll get the girl in bed. I'm being cynical, but it's true. A lot of other guys do it because they're romantics at heart and they like the flowers-and-candy stuff. Your guy is more of a nerdy, down-to-earth sort, it seems, and that's not his thing, not his style of expressing himself. But look at what he's already doing. Look back up to that first thing you said about him--how he shares his interests with you, how he enjoys teaching you and learning from you. I don't know him, and I don't know you, but if that were me, that'd be my version of flowers and candy. There's very little that's more important to us than our special interests. Sure, lecturing on them is common, and we'll talk the hind leg off any donkey that stops long enough to listen, but actually including another person in that, making sure they experience the same joy we do in those things? That says "I like you. I want you to see what I see in this amazing subject that I'm so fascinated with." But sure, if you want to try something a little more romantic, talk to him about it. If he likes you, he most likely wants to make you happy, so explain to him what you'd like to try out, what you think might be fun. Maybe you want to go out with a blanket and stargaze on a summer night, or go on a walk in the woods, or give each other silly gifts for Valentine's day. Explain what you like. Now, you won't be able to change him; he'll still be the same nerdy sort he always was. But you could probably get him to do some things you like, as well as the things he likes. A relationship is about compromise, after all.

That was so helpful, thank you! I will try this next time, because last time I didn't handle it so well.She confronted him, because someone had told her she had AS and she wanted to know. He replied "No comment" When she looked to me, I was speechless. I tried to play it off as the guy who told her didn't know what he was talking about. It was messy and awkward. This might work better



I know that it's up to him, but I just felt like I should have known before. It was kind of hard to get used to that far into the relationship. And yes, that is why I liked him. I liked it because he was smart or nerdy, and I found his shyness endearing, as I am semi-shy as well. And it didn't change anything, although it helped explain and helped me understand slightly more how his mind worked. I still have not fully understood that though.



I know this, and a lot of times I can tell when he'd rather be left alone. When I try to be like, Do you want to talk later? But then he'll say no. I think he feels bad for some reason for not being able to talk. What should I do to kind of convince him to go have some alone time?

Thank you both for all your help, you really helped me work out some thoughts I've been having :]