Gullible on the outside but not on the inside

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Is this an Aspie trait, or just the way I am as an individual? Is anyone else like this? Where you suss people out easily in your head, and you know what you like and don't like about a person, and if they are being nasty (like using you, laughing at you, manipulating you, etc) and you know it, but you still go along with what they say because you are afraid or find it hard to stand up for yourself or express how you're feeling by the person. I'm exactly like this. People think I'm gullible and not realising that people are laughing, so they do it more and behave like I've got no feelings, but inside I'm boiling up with hatred and rage, which they cannot see. I really hate myself for it, but I cannot change myself because I cannot be something I'm not. If I do, I will do it the wrong way and people will just laugh at me more. It's a vicious circle really.

It happens all the time to me and I know exactly what you mean.I keep going back time and time again and I never learn-I have been used more time than I care to count.

If there's no benefit to you spending time with someone like that, avoid them. If someone is being particularly nasty, no confrontation or explanation on your part is going to change them, it's best to not waste energy on them and keep your contact with them to a minimum.

It's not just an aspie trait. The only difference between NT and AS in this regard is that smart NTs learn very early how to recognize these kinds of people and avoid them like the plague.

I know what you mean, it happens to me regularly. I would add that usually I keep one step distance from everybody, and when I notice that the person, who for example laugh at you occasionally, is a good person in his soul, I forgive it. If it turns out that one is mean or ignorant, oh well, I'm boiling up too. It's enough that I perceive the situation this way, which might be an erroneous act. But remember, it's not your fault, you shouldn't be anxious or upset due to someone else's stupidity. Let destiny deal with them.

I would also consider what I wrote in the selfish thread: 'One reason why I try to treat people around me equally kindly might be that I can not make effective and lasting differentiations between them, as my memory doesn't work that way. Besides, somehow I don't want to be in bad relation with anyone, which must be obviously an illusion...'

This sort of thing happened at my vollunteer job, though, which is harder to avoid. This is why I'm getting anxious about getting a paid job. It's because I know when people are taking the piss, but I just let them carry on, because I know that if I did stand up for myself, I would get laughed at even more. I just wish I was one of those people who everybody is a tiny bit scared of, yet they all love being around. Life is OK when you're like that, because then it is easier to be hostile when you want to, because you know there is always other people you can stick with. But when you're unpopular, like me, and you do get hostile, you're then on your own. And that's not very nice to feel like that in the workplace. I like to get on with everybody. It's ironic, ain't it - the Aspie wants to get along with everybody and co-operate, yet emotionally the NTs don't allow it, because whenever you're standing your ground, they just accuse you of being huffy, awkward, childish, weird, or annoying.

I hate myself for it. I feel like slapping myself in the head for it. It's like once when I walked into my vollunteer job (after being off for 2 weeks), and the manager was being very rude to me, instead of politely welcoming me back and asking how my 2 weeks holiday went. But I let her get away with it. I smiled and answered with a friendly laugh - and I wished I hadn't. I wish I had spoken rudely back (not too rude, just to even out how she made me feel). But, because I'm too soft and stupid, I let her speak to me in that way. But I can't help it. Actions and words don't come rushing into my head quick enough to react how I should react. Instead I act like I take any s**t from anybody, so people know they can do it more and more. But little do they know that I've actually sussed them out, underneath my gullible front.

But this manager isn't a very nice person, because she has favourites. She jokes and laughs with her favourite vollunteers there, but those who aren't her favourites you can tell she doesn't have time for. But I don't like people like that, especially when they're supposed to be managing the place, and especially at a charity shop where people are giving up their time to do unpaid work for her. She's one of those people who is a lovely person in some people's eyes, and a horrible grouchy person in other people's eyes. I wish she'd piss off.

In a paid job, management is going to be less tolerant of this kind of BS. It's just not very profitable to have the employees mocking and abusing each other.



My question is, how does a manager like that manage to keep volunteers from simply walking off the job? I would. If the organization were really hurting for volunteers, someone higher up would certainly want to know why the volunteers were quitting.

I am often like that - I think because I am more comfortable with how to act socially with one situation than the other. My biggest problem is things like jokes and teasing - I don't really get the social rules around that, so I act as if I missed the joke, because it is safer. I think if things crossed the line into what I thought was bullying or really rude behavior directed towards me I would probably act differently.

I am OK with jokes and all of that sort of stuff. I can tell whether people are joking or not. I do like positive social interaction. But when things are going negative, like being told off or people saying other things that offends me in some way, and especially being around people who are always back-stabbing, that's when I find it hard to say the right thing, so I just take it as something they said, and put up with it (even though I have not put up with it inside). When people are just joking, I can just laugh if I don't know what to say. But when people are having a go at me, I really don't know how to react. Well, I do know when I'm not in the situation , but when I am, my voice suddenly goes all monotonous and my mind goes blank, and I know that I have to give an answer quick, so a positive reaction comes out - which is not always good, since it encourages some people to think they can speak to me like s**t more and more.

Vollunteers have walked out - the ones who the manager doesn't seem to want to have time for. But the vollunteers who she favours never leave. They can't seem to see that the manager has favourites. They're just pleased that she likes them. She is one of those people who if she likes you, you really like her back and she can't do no wrong, but if she doesn't like you, you know it.

I wouldn't mind so much if she didn't keep coming in on her days off. Ah well, I have walked out now. I'm starting volluntary work somewhere else, where people treat you like a person with feelings, instead of like a piece of s**t.

Just do your job. When they cross your way, act along the rules, but let yourself to be actually mean a little. If they are, so what? Refer to their boss on the concrete matter. Other times, when someone is reluctant to do something say "This is what our boss told us to do, we have to follow her instructions." And you tell what it is while mixing it with your own thoughts. Stay correct.


You seem very anxious about it. Think of how many people suffer unfairly on Earth at this moment, who would instantly change their position for that of yours.


Go get a real job. I'm not cheating you, in a real job you'll be treated much more correctly. You may fail, but at least in a "real" context. This should help you in the long term.


I'm getting better at figuring out people, but honestly, quick and well directed actions are still beyond me. So, I suggest you'd better accept it.


People will always have favourites. Try to be a favourite of one of them yourself. Move, if you feel you are far from it.

I know everybody has favourites. Even I do. But some people show it more, whereas I don't. I treat everybody fairly, if they are nice people, and so do lots of other people I know. The manager there just can't be a very nice person.

Your are a better person. Keep that in mind. And don't forget, everybody is human.

I`m very gullible!

This kind of drama is why anti-fraternization rules exist. A good manager is not going to display favoritism, and they can tell a sycophant from a mile away.

It may be human to have favorites, but a company isn't paying a manager to "be human" they're paying them to behave professionally and keep their department running smoothly.



Yes, this. When real money is at stake, people behave differently.



And she's obviously not a very good manager.

I know exactly what you mean

Expanding on your original thought:
If someone tells a joke, I understand it (in my mind) But since I don't outwardly show it, they assume that it went straight over my head and act as if I need to have these things explained to me... It's worse because I DO understand, but nobody but me can see that. And it just makes it worse if I try to explain that I did get it.

*Sigh* What'a'ya Gonna' Do...

I do have my gullible moments, but I can also be very skeptical.

I think I'd rather be perceived as a volatile person with a psychotic rage than a doormat. So when they pull that passive aggressive BS you can let it slide a few times but eventually blow up violently right in their face and shock the s**t out of them.

Also, if something feels off about someone trust your initial instinct. Don't let the fact that others insist this person is the greatest cause you to doubt yourself or believe you are in the wrong. If the situation feels f****d up it probably is f****d up.