Some social skills are better than others?

Post Reply New Topic

I can interrupt some emotions and feelings very well. Like, if someone is confused, I find it really easy to tell, or if someone is annoyed. Also, people who are nervous.

However, I cannot, for the life of me, figure out when someone is bored. I don't know why. I just don't. Sometimes, it's not so hard, like when they are giving one word answers, however, if they are trying to act interested to be polite, I have a hard time with interrupting that.

Also, some of my social skills are better than others, for example, I am pretty good at knowing whether a question is too personal or not and that what is considered "too personal" in one situation, might be different in another, but I have a hard time being interested when someone is talking about something that is not interesting. I generally don't tell them I'm not interested, but I will try and change the topic or let my mind wander.

Another else?

I can't read body language are facial expressions. I can't make eye contact. If someone tells me they're upset I can comfort them. I have gotten better at telling if what I'm saying is inappropriate.

I know that the social cues I have trouble with are....

....standing up for myself in awkward situations/being assertive
....starting up conversations with strangers (I'm OK once I got to know someone)
....joining in group conversations (caused by fear of being interrupted or not listened to)
....asking questions in a conversation
....being dominent, opinionative, stubborn, honest (I always seem to agree with the other person even if I don't)

I can't think of anything else, but the social cues that I don't have so much trouble with are....

....listening to other people without interrupting at all (I don't think I've ever interrupted anyone in my life - this is where people find me so easy to talk to)
....understanding and reacting correctly to jokes, sarcasm, teasing, flirting
....naturally being able to read tone of voice, body language, face expressions
....naturally being able to notice other people's emotions
....empathising and sympathising
....naturally using facial expressions and hand expressions and tone of voice when speaking to others (unless I'm really shy and uncomfortable with them)
....laughing and smiling (unless I'm in a bad mood or a ''can't-be-bothered-to-socialise-or-act-happy'' mood)
....average eye-contact (unless I think or worry too much about it. If I'm not thinking about it, I've been told that I make average eye-contact)

Usually in conversations with one to one, it's always me talking under 40 percent of the time (any alternate percentage under 40 depends on the type of person I am speaking to).
There may be more good points than bad points in my social ability lists, but that still doesn't mean I don't struggle, because I do.

I know what you mean! I can get most corny obvious jokes, but ones that require more social power elude me. Example a few days ago I went out to eat, and was drinking diet coke, and one of the guys said something do to with beer! I was taken aback at that, and my mom who saw my reaction said hes joking..... It didnt occure to me until today that the joke was both drinks are dark!
Certain speech sayings dont make sense either. Say what you mean and mean what you say well people dont do this all the time! They say (another example) Look at them apples! Me:what? what apples? Apples has nothing to do with what persons wearing! That saying 'say what you mean, and mean what you say' does not apply alot!

Ever do what people say to do? My dad told me to put the artichoke last night in the refrigerator, and I did that! This morning my mom says, why did paul(dad) put this in here like that?!?!?! what a idiot....me:I did what he said to do mom, he said to just put it in there. Mom:Next time think it through, and put some ceran wrap to cover it! Me: I did what I was told! You always say to do what your told.....

Based on your posts, I think less of your problems have to do with social awkwardness on your part, and more to do with jerks who take advantage of your agreeable nature.

Sometimes the problem isn't with how you're socializing, sometimes the problem is with who you're socializing with. If the other person is the problem, the only thing you can do is to limit contact and conversations with that person to make your own life easier.

I think a lot of people have social strong points and weak points.
My weak point is keeping a conversation going.

My strong point is that I'm able to detect other peoples feelings and act according to that. My weak point is that as soon as I'm logged on to WP, I might start talking about my special interests. Having admitted that, I don't wish to be anybody's project. I want to be free to do what I want on WP within reason.

I find it difficult generating enough interest in single persons to seriously manage to socialize, I can only manage well with some kind of distance to everybody, where the friendship actually remains an illusion. It takes me about 5 years to count acquaintances as friends. A person can be really affecting my condition (mostly with stress) and also be needing my attention too much, so that I can discard the plan of generating interest.

That would be my week point.

Maybe the good point is that I manage to socialize when the interest is present, so that the big main problem with my socializing is no more than that of above.

I can't tell when people are bored either, so then I assume they are bored when they very well many not be.

I'm very aware of when people are uncomfortable, bored or annoyed, and have a good sense of what is appropriate in a given situation and what isn't. I never used to be, though, but I gradually learned to read people as a teen/young adult.

When someone is bored, they may not fully pay attention to you. They might not say much or anything in response to you, and won't really look at you...instead they will look around the room at different things, or at their watch if they have one. Their voice won't sound happy or animated...it will sound more monotonous and less full of life.

[quote="anneurysm"']
When someone is bored, they may not fully pay attention to you. They might not say much or anything in response to you, and won't really look at you...instead they will look around the room at different things, or at their watch if they have one. Their voice won't sound happy or animated...it will sound more monotonous and less full of life.[/quote]

That's what I've read but I've had that happen and people will say they are not bored. I wish they would just say it if there were.

I know how to tell they are bored sometimes, it's only when they are pretending to be interested that I have a hard time telling and trying to show boredom.

I have officially given up with the guessing at the hinting. Now, I just come right out and ask.