Need to forget about Aspergers for my cousin.

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My 9-year-old cousin Kobe (sounds like Coby) has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, so he doesn't understand anything, let alone my Aspergers, or how I don't like to be touched unexpectedly, or how he can talk too loud sometimes.

So far I've been doing a pretty good job on not freaking out on him, but I don't know how long I can. He doesn't know any better, anyways.

I don't even know if he can make it in life. I'm very worried about him.

Your best bet may be to interact with him when you are well-rested, and then to go somewhere else when it gets to be too much. It's easier for you to connect with him when you're thinking clearly and not overwhelmed, right? So--don't interact with him to the point that you won't be able to cope. It's not good for either of you! You're doing him no favors if you push yourself past your limits.

Yeah, I'd be a bit worried, too. Life is still pretty tough for disabled kids. But he has a family that'll look out for him and teach him what he needs to know--at the very least he has you--so he's got some things in his favor already. Things will get better as time goes on and disabled people become more accepted in society. Our generation will make it better for his generation, just like our parents' generation helped make a way for us.

I really hate it when pregnant women do that...the only excuse is totally not knowing she is pregnant until damage is done. This happened to my friend though...she was a heavy drinker and was 4 months along before she knew that she was pregnant. She quit drinking after that at least while she was pregnant...but it was too late the damage was already done.
Anyway the life prognosis for severe fetal alcohol syndrome is not good. Some of the symptoms are like ASD's with meltdowns and such, but they are more social as they get older. However problem solving skills are very low and remain low. He will need alot of therapy for problem solving skills and consquential thinking. People with FAS are at high risk for run ins with the law because of poor problem solving skills and poor consequental thinking. However with intervention, this can be averted.
The best way to teach problem solving skills is "the 4 step problem solving process"
It takes alot of dedication to do this, but it works.
Whenever he is having a problem this is to be done, at at school and at home, total immersion therapy
Have him carry a note book with a pen...no pencils, they break and no sharpener usually around.

with the paper
step 1, Name the problem (this is important as many kids with problem solving issues dont know right away what is the problem)
step 2 write a list of solutions as many as you can think of
step 3 pick the best one, see if it works
Step 4 if it does not work, repeat step 3 or 2 until a solution is found to work.

It is very simple, but it teaches him HOW to think.

As far as consquencial thinking goes, that also must be done with immerson therapy. For everything he does which causes an event or possitive or negitive consquence to occur... he needs to be shown how his behavior (X) caused Y to occur. This takes alot of dedication, but it is well worth it in the long run.

As far as your sensory issues...that is a tough one. One reason I wont have kids, their unpredictabilty.
If you feel like you are going to nut up...remove yourself from the situation temporarly...immediately.
Thats my best advice on that though

I'll have to suggest that to my aunt Carol. I don't know if they have any places in Idaho that can help them, because they don't have much money. (You should have seen the look on their faces when they saw my computer)

As for his problem solving, he is actually improving a lot. He recognises a problem faster now then he did even a month ago. I'm just worried about the smaller things, like remembering to say thank you, or not to be rude. He can recognise the reaction to his rudeness, he just can't figure out why.

Life is so complicated right now.

Ya the good news is that people with FAS can pick up on social cues, the hard part for them is understanding what to do next. and how they may have contributed to the reaction recieved. I am glad he is making progress in problem solving, but it seems like his consquental thinking needs work.
The other thing is FAS is a hybrid of pre-natal brain injury/developmental disorder. The good news about that is the brain can heal over a long peroid of time. His symptoms will be much more severe when he is younger than when he is older. He will be able to mask alot of his social problems by the time he is in high school. However the problem solving/conquencial thinking duo will have to be kept in check for much of his life. Early intervention is key like alot of devlopmental disorders, but it will have to be continually reinforced through childhood and early adulthood.
Also he will have to learn how to advert a meltdown. A FAS meltdown is different than an autistic meltdown...in duration. The person with ASD will meltdown until they are wore out, but for the person with FAS, it can be quick, sudden, and fleeting, but sometimes it can last awhile too, He will have to learn how to remove himself from a situation before reaching the boiling point.
If he does not have meltdowns, he is lucky in that respect.
Also those with FAS have alot of problems with impulse control...which is a harder problem to tackle than the others can be because there is very little time for negotation from the time the thought occured and action takes place. Often they dont know what caused them to do something...it happens like a flash. Maybe the therapists have a better way of dealing with this. It is tricky to slow them down long enough to think something through before doing it. This does get better with age if problem solving and consquequencial thinking is worked on.

When they are young, they seemed doomed for life, but with intervention, they even out nicely if they can stay on the right side of the law. Often, they dont go out to commit crimes, but a tough situation arises and then they do something illegal due to impulse control problems and just not thinking things through. Often not horrendus crimes, but just not thinking things through kind of things. Like getting pulled over for speeding, and the person with FAS would flee the police to avoid a ticket they cant afford...that kind of thing.
One friend I know of averted that situation by steering her son into being a police officer...which has some protections from the law, ironicly.
But with intervention, these situations can be prevented.
a good thing to do with him is to role play how to deal with situations that might involve conflict with the law

Other than that, How are you holding up??

Can't sleep. He keeps bugging me to go watch a movie with him. It's nearly one o' clock in the morning. Not that I can sleep

I was going to make a post about how your hell can't possibly be any hotter than mine right now, but maybe not. At least my parents go to bed and leave me alone after midnight.

That is too late for him to stay up!! hmmm, try removing all exciting stimuli, dimming the lights and you read a book and ignore him. He will get bored and go to sleep.

That's a good suggestion.

Keep up the good work! I think it's great what you're doing for your cousin who is more in need than you are. It's good to be true to yourself but it's also good to put others before you and rise to the occasion.

Well, he is adorable. Once I really got to know him, I realized how sweet and gentle he really was. I just have to keep telling him to use his manners and to think.