Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ]
26 Aug 2011, 5:51 pm
26 Aug 2011, 6:53 pm
swbluto
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
26 Aug 2011, 7:05 pm
26 Aug 2011, 7:22 pm
26 Aug 2011, 7:34 pm
anneurysm wrote:
I'm so sorry this happened to you. People can be flaky and unfair sometimes, and often change their minds. This can be unsettling for you as you are likely most comfortable when things go according to plan. It makes you feel upset and overwhelmed and you may take it personally.
However, when she changed her plans, the situation was not likely about you. People have busy minds and lives, and when things happen like this, often the person is not meaning to offend or hurt you. Maybe she needed to save money. Maybe she was not able to stay out late as she had a committment in the morning. There may be other things going on, but she was not likely doing it to test you.
Unfortunately at this point, she may not be able to forgive you. You made the choice to send her the nasty email, and she felt threatened by it. She now feels that any contact you make with her will be harmful. It would be a wise choice for you to leave her alone, as any further contact from you will likely be ignored. Although you see it as logical for her to forgive you, your words hurt her, permanently damaging any chance of a friendship. It is not entirely her fault...sure, she made you upset by changing her plan, but calling her names just scared her off. Next time, instead of sending that email, write the words down to let it out but dont send it, and give yourself time when you are feeling upset to cool down. Hang up the phone if you have to.
Keep in mind though, that this is only one incident. You're making many generalizations about yourself though that are probably untrue. This is only one situation, and it is a situation you can learn from. You are not worthless, or a complete failure, you just need to need to work a little on managing your emotions a little better, especially during changes of plan. Specifically, if you feel you are going to make an assumption about the person or say something that could hurt them, take a break. Tell them you will call them back after you are finished calming down.
However, when she changed her plans, the situation was not likely about you. People have busy minds and lives, and when things happen like this, often the person is not meaning to offend or hurt you. Maybe she needed to save money. Maybe she was not able to stay out late as she had a committment in the morning. There may be other things going on, but she was not likely doing it to test you.
Unfortunately at this point, she may not be able to forgive you. You made the choice to send her the nasty email, and she felt threatened by it. She now feels that any contact you make with her will be harmful. It would be a wise choice for you to leave her alone, as any further contact from you will likely be ignored. Although you see it as logical for her to forgive you, your words hurt her, permanently damaging any chance of a friendship. It is not entirely her fault...sure, she made you upset by changing her plan, but calling her names just scared her off. Next time, instead of sending that email, write the words down to let it out but dont send it, and give yourself time when you are feeling upset to cool down. Hang up the phone if you have to.
Keep in mind though, that this is only one incident. You're making many generalizations about yourself though that are probably untrue. This is only one situation, and it is a situation you can learn from. You are not worthless, or a complete failure, you just need to need to work a little on managing your emotions a little better, especially during changes of plan. Specifically, if you feel you are going to make an assumption about the person or say something that could hurt them, take a break. Tell them you will call them back after you are finished calming down.
Thanks for the reply. But I have to say, she said she'd go, then said I might not be able to, then she said she would go again, then she said she wasnt sure.
I would NEVER do that to a person because it wastes their time. I'm not saying she deserved my rant, but why do that to someone, especially someone you KNOW is a depressed? And she was a psychologist!! She should have known better. Thats what makes me think this was some sort of "test". I dont like to be tested. It is not right to treat people this way.
Then again, she would never REACT the way I did if someone did something rude to her.
So I guess I am very respectful until someone does something wrong, and she would be respectful if someone wasted her time, in terms of her response I mean.
I react poorly but dont do anything to piss anyone off, she pisses people but doesnt react poorly if people initiate it with her. I guess that combo doesnt work. But its how most people are, unfortunately. And I dont fit in to that equation.
What I said to her was wrong but she shouldnt have done what she did either. How could she do that to me, knowing I was hurting? I hope her little test was worth it.
swbluto
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,899
Location: In the Andes, counting the stars and wondering if one of them is home to another civilization
26 Aug 2011, 7:35 pm
26 Aug 2011, 7:40 pm
26 Aug 2011, 7:44 pm
