What could the problem possibly be?

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In the past few weeks, I've come to the realization that my AS seems to be quite a bit less severe than many people here in some areas, but much more pronounced in others. Obviously, this is because AS is part of a spectrum, and we're all affected differently. Personally, my most prominent trait is my difficulties with social isolation, whereas everything else could be considered negligible. Considering that, there could be other causes. For clarification, I've gone a full 5 years without making any real life friends at all; which is extremely unusual for someone my age. So what could the other causes be? Let's Google it.

- suicide/depression
- various panic and anxiety disorders
- addictions and substance abuses
- eating disorders
- Alzheimer's
- antisocial personality disorder
- schizophrenia
- schizoid personality disorder
- and, of course, an ASD

That's everything. One of those has to be the cause behind this problem. With a little bit of common sense, it's easy to narrow it down. I'm not depressed. I obviously don't have an eating disorder. I know I don't have Alzheimer's or schizophrenia. I'm not a violent and immoral psychopath, so antisocial PD is out of the question. So what we have left to eliminate is either an addiction, social anxiety, or schizoid personality disorder.

Saying that I just have an addiction is actually a good argument. At a quick glance, that could easily explain everything, however, I feel that there's more to it than that. Here's my reasoning. I've been obsessed (to the point of addiction-like behavior) with video games. But so are a lot of people. At least half of my peers are into video games just like me. Maybe not quite as intense, but most definitely. So therefore, video games themselves do not cause social ineptness. Not to mention that ever since I've learned about AS, my interest in playing games has gone down dramatically. I'm still no more social than I was before.

While I have failed to make friends in real life, I have been able to communicate effectively through the internet. This points more in the direction of social anxiety. Perhaps my social isolation is due to anxiety itself, and nothing more. Alright, so what's it like to have social anxiety? I don't know, so let's Google it. Here's a video documentary I found.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dsj_mwVlLc

While I do hate being in social situations, it's nothing like that. In fact, I actually don't mind public speaking. While I hardly ever talk in real life, it is not for the same reason as the people in the video. I do not fear being judged, or have low self esteem, it's actually quite the opposite. I really just don't care, and don't feel the need to engage in pointless conversation. I speak when necessary, and only when necessary. I have no problems speaking when I need to. Shyness? No. Introversion? Heck yeah.

Now, lastly, there's schizoid personality disorder. This one is going to be hard. I'm a loner, and I don't mind. Therefore, I fit the schizoid profile quite well. The difference between schizoid and an ASD is that with the latter there is much more pronounced social ineptitude. So how can I prove that I'm socially inept beyond the point of "I just don't care about people?" Because I have tried to make friends. I remember going into the seventh grade, and it was like I hit a wall and could not communicate with my peers anymore. I told myself that in the eighth grade I would turn that around and be much more social. To make a long story short, I failed. I tried to befriend people, but it just didn't work out. I just couldn't do it. I thought it would get better in the 9th, 10th and 11th grades. It hasn't changed one bit, and not because of a lack of effort initially.

So there you have it. It's an ASD. But in what ways does an ASD impair social interactions? There's reading body language, eye contact, and empathy. I can make eye contact when I need to. I don't think I'm any worse at empathizing than anyone else. I can read obvious social clues well enough to get by. So what is it? Seriously, it's really been bothering me lately. I do all I can to put on my NT mask, make small talk, and be nice, but it doesn't work. It hasn't worked in 5 years, and the only reason why it worked back then is because my parents did all the work for me.

There must be more to it than that, but what? The list must be incomplete.

Perhaps it is empathy.
Perhaps I'm just not "cool" enough.
Perhaps I'm just too different to relate to anyone.

The more I think about it, the less I actually understand. I mean, so what if my body language and speech interpretation patterns are just a little bit weird. That can't possibly be a serious problem. Are people really that judgmental with things that hold such minute importance?

I have been officially diagnosed with aspergers, dyslexia and IBS. I consider myself to have depression sometimes as well as GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). Isolation makes me uncomfortable but I can understand why, I was brought up with a large family and suddenly I'm cut off from them. I would like to get diagnosed to find if I have depression/ GAD, I think seeing a doctor is one way to find out

Have you considered ADD/ADHD? What kind of sensory issues do you have? (sounds, smells, touch) How well do you fit in the diagnostic criteria of AS or autism?

As for me, watching this video I seriously consider putting SAD on my list as a possible co-morbid condition besides ADD. I still think my main problem is some kind of ASD, though.

I've found that - for me - people tend to see me as very different (personality wise) than I feel I am myself. For example, my sister has always called me a negative person, and just recently I've found out that my friend thinks I am too. I don't understand how or why, and I've never - nor do I now - see myself as a negative individual. In fact I would say that despite everything I deal with (ASD not the only thing) I am rather more positive than even most NTs I meet.

So somewhere along the way, people aren't "reading" the true me. And they get put off by something or some way of talking or acting that I'm not even aware of after being informed of it. I've tried to ask those close to me to explain why their vision of me is disparate to my own internal reality, and they go on about my choice of conversation topics and never quite reach a concrete or constructive answer.

And they suggest that my (perceived by others inexplicable to me) negativity pushes others away.

Anyways. I shut up now. I don't even know if this rant contributes at all to your post topic :/