When you need help the most, people run the other way.

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In my experience, people can be counted on for one thing: You can't count on them. Whenever I seem to need someone the most, they run in the other direction. These are people who think of themselves as "good people" too. But to me, they are not. They put THEMSELVES ahead of others. I have always done the opposite, and receive nothing in return. Yet I continue on, helping people any way I can who ask me, or who need me. Yet noone returns the favor.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Sort of.
My family always helps me out when I ask although they are not so great on emotional support.
However when it comes to other people it's pretty much what you said.

When I was younger I believed that if I was kind, supporting and always there for others they would be the same way towards me when I needed help or support. But it's not like that. When I needed help the most I always ended up alone. Even the people I thought really cared for me somehow would find "more important" stuff to do. I don't know what causes this. Maybe I never communicated my needs well enough although I did verbally express them on several occasions. Or maybe seeing me all emotional is too weird for most people to handle.

Anyway, I stopped expecting the support and help from others long ago so now I just never express my need for it. I keep helping others just the way I used to but I do it without any expectations "to get it back". That makes those few occasions I get support or help unexpectedly that much greater.
The funny thing is that the most of the help and support I got in my life was from random strangers and not the people I know well.

Yes, I've had this happen many times and it's not like I cry wolf. "Let me know if you need anything" are empty words. Once I was going through a period of losses and so-called friends scattered. Later, one person said, "I thought you might need some space." No, you needed space until I got over it.

I have known kind, helpful people. It's just that my definition of "friend" was too loose and needed to be revamped.

Another thing - When you're not good at conveying emotion, others might not think your need is so great. Squeaky wheels do tend to get the oil. Others have said that they see me as being strong and independent, which I am, in part - out of necessity. Then again, I can be melting down inside and only the truly observant can tell.

I can relate when it comes to helping. I'll always drop what I am doing to be a shoulder or help a coworker but once Im having a problem or am stressin out over work load no one is willing to give back.

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no more hurt, but only more love. ~Mother Teresa


How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. ~Anne Frank


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Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ~Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy


The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all. ~Leo Rosten


Live simply that others might simply live. ~Elizabeth Ann Seton


We can do no great things, only small things with great love. ~Mother Teresa


Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. ~Dr. Seuss


It seems to me that any full grown, mature adult would have a desire to be responsible, to help where he can in a world that needs so very much, that threatens us so very much. ~Norman Lear


Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful. ~Author Unknown


I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world. ~Mother Teresa (Agnes Gonxha Bojarhiu)


I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale


The willingness to share does not make one charitable; it makes one free. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can. ~Sydney Smith


Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. ~Edmund Burke


If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. ~Mother Teresa


Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you. ~Mother Teresa


Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him. ~Albert Schweitzer


He who gives when he is asked has waited too long. ~Sunshine Magazine


This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. ~George Bernard Shaw


Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something. ~Author Unknown


The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. ~Nelson Henderson


While earning your daily bread, be sure you share a slice with those less fortunate. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


The difference between a helping hand and an outstretched palm is a twist of the wrist. ~Laurence Leamer, King of the Night


No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a boy. ~Knights of Pythagoras (Thanks, Jim)


Charity sees the need, not the cause. ~German Proverb


In about the same degree as you are helpful, you will be happy. ~Karl Reiland


How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a naughty world.
~William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice, much later adapted to "So shines a good deed in a weary world" by David Seltzer for the 1971 film Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory


If we could all hear one another's prayers, God might be relieved of some of his burdens. ~Ashleigh Brilliant


Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice


I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. ~William Penn


Be an opener of doors for such as come after thee, and do not try to make the universe a blind alley. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches but to reveal to him his own. ~Benjamin Disraeli


We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill


Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth. ~Mohammed Ali


The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But... the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" ~Martin Luther King, Jr.


Sometime in your life, hope that you might see one starved man, the look on his face when the bread finally arrives. Hope that you might have baked it or bought or even kneaded it yourself. For that look on his face, for your meeting his eyes across a piece of bread, you might be willing to lose a lot, or suffer a lot, or die a little, even. ~Daniel Berrigan


The Lord loveth a cheerful giver. He also accepteth from a grouch. ~Catherine Hall


Our prayers for others flow more easily than those for ourselves. This shows we are made to live by charity. ~C.S.Lewis


What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. ~Albert Pike (Thanks, Carl)


It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference. ~Tom Brokaw


God has not called us to see through each other, but to see each other through. ~Author Unknown


Do not commit the error, common among the young, of assuming that if you cannot save the whole of mankind you have failed. ~Jan de Hartog, The Lamb's War


One must be poor to know the luxury of giving! ~George Eliot


He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. ~Abraham Lincoln


If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it. ~Author Unknown


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When you dig another out of their troubles, you find a place to bury your own. ~Author Unknown


The only gift is a portion of thyself. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


Love the earth and sun and animals,
Despise riches, give alms to everyone that asks,
Stand up for the stupid and crazy,
Devote your income and labor to others...
And your very flesh shall be a great poem.
~Walt Whitman


Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden, They Call Me Coach


Trees outstrip most people in the extent and depth of their work for the public good. ~Sara Ebenreck, American Forests


Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. ~Buddha


Things of the spirit differ from things material in that the more you give the more you have. ~Christopher Morley


It's not that successful people are givers; it is that givers are successful people. ~Patti Thor


Not only must we be good, but we must also be good for something. ~Henry David Thoreau


True generosity consists precisely in fighting to destroy the causes which nourish false charity. ~Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed, 1970


Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them... he cried, "Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them?" God said, "I did do something. I made you." ~Author Unknown


Find a need and fill it. ~Ruth Stafford Peale


In giving you are throwing a bridge across the chasm of your solitude. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Wisdom of the Sands, translated from French by Stuart Gilbert


Sometimes a man imagines that he will lose himself if he gives himself, and keep himself if he hides himself. But the contrary takes place with terrible exactitude. ~Ernest Hello


You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. ~Kahlil Gibran


Love never reasons but profusely gives; gives, like a thoughtless prodigal, its all, and trembles lest it has done too little. ~Hannah More


If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart. ~Arabian Proverb


Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one. ~Nicholas Berdyaev


A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog. ~Jack London


If I thought I was going to die tomorrow, I should nevertheless plant a tree today. ~Stephan Girard


I've seen and met angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people living ordinary lives. ~Tracy Chapman


The vicious count their years; virtuous, their acts. ~Samuel Johnson


Look around the habitable world: how few
Know their own good, or knowing it, pursue.
~Juvenal, Satires


The deed is everything, the glory naught. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


The great use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it. ~William James


I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. ~Maya Angelou


The race advances only by the extra achievements of the individual. You are the individual. ~Charles Towne


Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but it is giving me that which you need more than I do. ~Kahlil Gibran


If all human lives depended upon their usefulness - as might be judged by certain standards - there would be a sudden and terrific mortality in the world. ~Gene Tunney


Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity. ~Edwin Hubbel Chapin


The destroyer of weeds, thistles and thorns is a benefactor, whether he soweth grain or not. ~Robert Ingersoll, inscription to Volume I, Collected Works


There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread, but there are many more dying for a little love. ~Mother Teresa


The work an unknown good man has done is like a vein of water flowing hidden underground, secretly making the ground green. ~Thomas Carlyle


Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope... and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. ~Robert F. Kennedy


I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire engine. ~Kurt Vonnegut


There are two ways of spreading light - to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. ~Edith Wharton, Vesalius in Zante


A handful of pine-seed will cover mountains with the green majesty of a forest. I too will set my face to the wind and throw my handful of seed on high. ~Fiona MacLeod


If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it. ~Lucy Larcom


[U]sefulness is happiness, and... all other things are but incidental. ~Lydia Maria Child, The American Frugal Housewife, 1829


You may not have saved a lot of money in your life, but if you have saved a lot of heartaches for other folks, you are a pretty rich man. ~Seth Parker


What a person believes is not as important as how a person believes. ~Timothy Virkkala


If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it. ~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book


My life is my message. ~Mahatma Ghandi


You must be the change you wish to see in the world. ~Mahatma Ghandi


Don't be afraid of outgiving God. It is impossible to do that. ~Charles R. Swindoll


Go the extra mile. It's never crowded. ~Author Unknown


Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots. ~Frank A. Clark


We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. ~C.G. Jung


If you pursue good with labor, the labor passes away but the good remains; if you pursue evil with pleasure, the pleasure passes away and the evil remains. ~Cicero


To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right. ~Confucius


Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action. ~Lowell


You can't lead anyone else further than you have gone yourself. ~Gene Mauch


If everyone howled at every injustice, every act of barbarism, every act of unkindness, then we would be taking the first step towards a real humanity. ~Nelson DeMille


My piece of bread only belongs to me when I know that everyone else has a share, and that no one starves while I eat. ~Leo Tolstoy


If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito. ~Betty Reese


A large heart can be filled with very little. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin


There is no use whatever trying to help people who do not help themselves. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb himself. ~Andrew Carnegie


Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. ~Mother Teresa


When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world. ~Author Unknown


A good example has twice the value of good advice. ~Author Unknown


There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root. ~Thoreau, Walden, 1854


Improvement begins with I. ~Arnold Glasow


Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.


The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of tiny pushes of each honest worker. ~Helen Keller


There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. ~Aldous Huxley, Time Must Have a Stop


Instead of counting your days, make your days count. ~Author Unknown


Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. ~Mother Teresa


Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others. ~Saint Augustine


Each of us can only do the best we can for as many as we can and that will never be good enough for those of us who care! ~Rea Cord

My sister loves me and is supportive of me and would do anything for me. At least she says those things. She didn’t seem so supportive when I was in tears and having a severe panic attack and dealing with my drunken and abusive father and calling her to ask her to drive less than 100 miles to come pick me up and get me out of a situation in which I would go to jail for three days if she didn’t help me.

Needless to say, I went to jail for three days.

But other than that, yeah, she would do anything for me.

Being in distress pretty much guarantees that I'll screw up any protocol I've painstakingly learned over the years. Then I'll anger or hurt the feelings of whoever's around me. Then I've got two problems.

Arrrrrrgh.

It depends on the help a person needs. Unfortunately, the situations aspies often find themselves in are situations that make others feel contempt rather than pity. It's the curse of the aspie not to be able to tell the difference between such situations, and the situations that most people would help out with. Sadly, the difference is only implied- not stated.

When I was so depressed I was sucidal, my father just made fun of me. His bully was the reason I started pulling my hair out becuase I was so stressed out from his constant taunting. When I told my mom I wanted to kill myself, she told my dad and he got a wake up call. I grew up afraid of my father becuase he had a horrible temper and would threanen to punch my teeth out. When I had meltdowns he would throw me into walls. Neither one of my parents really understoond my meltdowns anyway. And people wonder why my father and I were never close. My mom just basiclay blames me for it, saying I was "mean" to my father. I was a child! Was he really that damaged from PTSD that he couldn't suck it up and be the adult?

My phycologists, teachers and even my own "family" basicaly told me that the bullying I received in school was my own fault. I had a really stupid phycologist who doped me up on prozac so I could "calm down". She never suggested anything be done about the bullies. Even something as simple as sitting them down and explaning why I was so odd and letting whatever trace of a conscience they had kick in. No, she just wanted to hand out pills. The only thing the prozac ever did was make me get migrane headaches. Maybe I was supposed to be so out of it from the pain that I would be too miserable to challange a bully. My family said that I was bullied so much becuase I "wasn't very easy to get along with". That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard. If I was truely so violent and agressive, that would make other kids want to avoid me like the plauge and not have anything to do with me. Kids really came up and hit me for no aparent reason or called me names becuase I "wasn't very easy to get along with"? I don't think so, and besides that's just blaming me for it again.

I never get any help or advice online either. People tell me I will never be able to be a vet and I am a lazy bum who dosen't want to work hard becuase I will need acomadations. Even here on WP, people haven't really been that friendly to me.

I hate it when people are "busy." -_-

Hmmmm.... I always receive support and help from the people I choose to associate with. If you guys really feel this way then find new people to associate with. The "rub" with this is if you want to have these sorts of "higer" friends you sorta got to be on this plane yourself. I always look inward when I have feelings like this about other people.

Just a differen perspective.....

The Reverend Jim Jones of The Peoples Temple took in as many people to help as he could, but he saved very few, and the whims of chance helped save many more people. Some political groups claim charity groups provide better help than government can, while charity groups tell individuals to rely on their families, and give preference to the largest pieces of fragmented families, as whole families are held to be able to help themselves through the individual members. The smallest pieces of fragmented families are to be labeled "disordered", as if being seperated from other family members by the whims of chance (unemployment, catastrophe, eviction, foreclosure, etc.) results not from the environment, but from internal flaws of character, whether from a propensity to drug abuse, criminality, or mental illness. These are the propensities most tempting for Toxic Do-Gooders to do their deeds. Practiced toxins from such are seldom helpful.

Since epilepsy has left me unconscious on the street numerous times, I am very familiar with Luke 10:25-37 25:
30 In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

In the U.S.A., since 1976 at least, this is somehow, or in someway, proclaiming, or close to, as if: "Lead! Follow! or Get out of the way!! !" This slogan does seem to be what is being currently practiced under the guise of helping each other in the "best" American Christian way ("let'em die, that's the only way they'll learn to live" Patriotic Tough-Love early balderdash version again?).

With "Flat Affect" Asperger's,
Tadzio

I find this. I had a neighbour once who would want to help with the most silliest of things but when another neighbour was bullying me she wouldn't help.
I don't have anything to do with her now she's moved since as for the other neighbour she's gone too.

No. I haven't experienced that.

There is a prerequiste to "people run away when you need them". That prerequiste is that they we're actually there in the first place.

That happened to me the last time I made a thread in The Haven. I don't make threads there anymore. Some of my problems are the polar opposite of that of most of the other members, females in particular. I feel male anyways, so I guess it doesn't really matter. It does, but I'm not going to cry about it.

I have noticed that, yes, which is really why I don't seek out how help, at least not in real life. That's what forums are for and personal-responsibility disassociating anonymous usernames!