Ability to change and "get better" - opinions pls

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Do you think that if someone is able to "get better" because of just being more exposed to social situations and getting more used to them, it means they were never autistic to begin with? But maybe something else like social anxiety or something?

I have never been assessed by a psychologist at all but I have always identified with Autism and felt 100% "at home" when I first found this site 3 years ago. I have a lot of details about how I have changed in recent years and gotten a lot more "normal" but to avoid running on for pages and pages, I think I'll just stick with the general question for now. My husband (who is aspie) says that because I have made such good progress in the last few years that means I'm not autistic.

I definately know I am not NT, I just don't think I'm "disabled" enough to get a diagnosis. Not anymore, anyway. I feel that I may have been able to get one as a child if my parents had ever had me assessed. But I have grown and changed a lot even just within the past 4 years. To the point where I probably appear normal, possibly even friendly, to others.

What do you think this means?

For me the opposite is true and the response to an overdose is not getting used to it but a meltdown.

It's a highly variable spectrum,what may be one way with one person,can be completely different for another, but having AS myself, i think in the milder cases it's certainly possible to adapt and learn,but i dont think it would ever change how your brain works.

Mainly, I find it much easier to make polite conversation with strangers and answer phones and etc due to working as a receptionist at various times in my life. Prior to that I was paralyzed by the idea of doing those things.

I still prefer to not interact with anyone and will avoid it if able but I am capable of appearing normal and friendly if needed.

I also don't think that I have a very hard time interpreting body language or tones of voice now that I know "subtext" exists. I didn't know until I was 22 or 23 that people have hidden meanings in what they say and don't just speak for the purpose of exchanging information. Once I learned this fact, I am able to interpret what I see - I just never knew to look for it before.

I just dont know what this means to me because I function pretty much normally now wheras just a few years ago I was paralyzed by just about any social situation and constantly making social blunders.

Four years ago, I had a lot of anger issues and I used to become angry towards anybody who wronged me. I was so angry that my dark side was showing to the point that the world hardened me and I was wearing dark colours and I had green hair. That's how much my anger got the better of me. I won't say that I was a Punk Rocker but I had the attitudes of one. It got so bad that I actually flashed a backwards Peace-Sign at a bunch of kids in a park on Canada Day, in 2009. My first and last NT friend that I've ever had got very mad at me and said, "THOSE KIDS ARE NOT THAT BAD!" than she started walking way ahead of me. I was depressed and angry that entire summer though I did manage to do enough thinking and soul searching to have the ability to reevaluate myself for the first and hopefully the last time in my life.

I woke up one morning and asked myself, "What if the Mod thing does work for me?" because that's the type of person that I was, before my anger took over in January 2007. I got my hair cut that morning and than I listened to a Kinks CD for the first time in two and a half years. I haven't spiked or coloured my hair since than and I don't get angry anymore. If I know I'm not working the next day, I just stay up until I burn and fizzle out and than I go to bed. I'm much happier since I've changed in the September of 2009 and I started being myself again. I was very anxious and scared at first because people were seeing the real me and my real face after 18 months of hiding myself and my lips.

My opinion is that I look like Mick Avory without the spiked hair and the hardened face of hidden emotions. I won't post any pictures.

As humans, we are very adaptable creatures. For myself, I've learned to mimic NT behavior in order to get along in social situations. Am I "better"? No, just better at acting NT when I need to.

Well I imagine of one feels what is defined as 'normal'=better, then yes they could learn to behave more like that in some cases if they really wanted to. However in my case I am not sure, I mean I struggle with some things but I have no real desire to be 'normal' I never was and never will be so why fake it?

I think "appear normal" is the operative word here. You look normal from the outside, the question is, how do you feel? Do you 'watch' yourself, sort of from inside your head, thinking, yes, I'm managing to look normal, or are you genuinely at one with yourself and being yourself?

Do you think you would like to go through the diagnosis process now to know once and for all? It is my understanding that AS does not get better but that some people learn to adopt better coping mechanisms over time. Do you enjoy the social interactions which you gave. Ow or are they still something to be coped with? Even that as you rightly say can point to as number of diagnoses not just AS.

You can go through those bursts, it just depends on how much room you have ahead of you at a given point to wring more out of your coping skills. I remember that I was able to gain enough ground between 19 and 21 that people were starting to really second-guess my diagnosis, at the same time though I was taking the macho of approach of just bullying myself unsustainably - as in yes, I was getting performance but more than my body and mind could endure on an ongoing basis and I really thought that by going macho on myself that the skills would just get enough exercise, the bottlenecks would *have* to widen if I treated social failings or faux pas like a life or death of honor situation; turned out that this got me in touch with some things while, unfortunately, it actually did some brain damage in that I just wouldn't let off of myself and hence I was running my nervous system past the red line.

Needless to say today since that's stopped I don't look 'quite' as good as when that was working at its best but I probably come off as being much more at peace with myself. Being in the previous state of course was only socially 'okay' if I had somewhere to improve to, which I neurologically just didn't after a while.

Other things can happen to. 'Feel' for the world is a very abstract thing and while you can always improve your cognition of other people and what types of thoughts, emotional patterns, feelings, motivational structures, etc. will lend to better social skills on your side there's still a lot of it - and I think sometimes the stuff that makes the most difference - that's either quite esoteric where you can only gain it by having that right 'eureka' moment and the rest of it is simply genetic - ie. you either have it or you don't.

You'll have marathon points in your life where even with AS you can improve significantly but, you typically have that cut short by finding a whole other brick wall, set of problems, etc. and sometimes that brick wall may be the end of the line - you always hope it isn't but you can never be certain.

I don't enjoy socializing and always dread it when presented with a future situation where it will be needed but I am "OK with" doing it when needed. I prefer to be alone and at home. I just do what needs to be done but I don't like absolutely HATE it or feel fearful of it like I used to.

I don't much desire to be diagnosed becuase I don't see any purpose in it. I'm not disabled by it (a critera for diagnosis) and I see no need to label myself. I'd have to spend a good amount of time bringing up how I was as a child and convincing the psych of my tale and I see no reason to have to convince someone else of something so that they can in turn tell me it

It doesn't really matter to me what I am, I just wondered if it is true that someone with AS wouldn't be able to change or "get better" I put "get better" in quotation marks because I don't truly consider it to be better it's just a simple way of explaining what I mean. I value diversity and not normalcy

It's just very strange to me (and my mom) that I've been able to do so many things in the past few years, things I was completely incapable of before.


Also, readingbetweenlines, I do feel that I am being "myself." The friendly person is not just a facade.. it's hard to explain, I guess. I feel like I am friendly.. I'm just not social. When put into a social situation I can be friendly. I just don't seek out or desire social interaction in the first place. Which is actually completely different than my aspie husband feels. He wants friends and wants to be liked but can't act the way that is needed in order for the majority of people to like him. I can act that way (I feel like I'm generally well-liked) but I don't desire it. I don't experience peer pressure or the desire to conform to the crowd.

I can write an entire essay about how I fit into the spectrum (and have written them) the only thing that is really confusing me right now is my ability to change. But then again I have always been an extremely fast learner and it's only been a few years since I was really put out into the world since I led a very sheltered early life.

Last edited by myth on 03 Nov 2011, 1:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The flaw in your reasoning is that this assumes an autistic is only able to learn when actively being taught. But we are always learning. The intensive therapies given to moderate to severe autistics are simply forms of teaching and learning. It makes sense to me that mild, undiagnosed autistics would be able to teach themselves to some degree.

No, that makes sense. In essence you're saying that you're an introvert. Lots of NT's even are like that, albeit they do the same thing - try to gloss it over in public to avoid the drama over mixed signals.

I'm in a position with AS where I like to get out at least once every other weekend to a party, club, or get-together of some type when its available. What I've additionally noticed though is the difference in whether I'm energized or drained has a lot more to do with the people I'm around. If its a whole bunch of acquaintences of a friend who I can't make any conversational headway with and where I'm not really in on their style of thought or conversation, I find I need to drink a lot and even at that I'll almost try to segregate myself. If its people, AS, NT, or otherwise who I can have a conversation with and the conversation works - its energizing and I can have a lot of fun in general.

For wanting to stay in more often than not though I don't know where that sits with AS. It could go either way and I suppose it would have more to do with theory of mind and how many challenges you may have found yourself having early on.

I've always taught myself things, wavefreak58. I'm always experimenting with things (eg computer programs) and researching everything and as a result know more about those things than people who have taken college classes for said programs.

I have an aptitude for learning and one of my longest standing interests is language and grammar so I suppose that makes sense on some level. Plus I keep hearing about female autistics being indistinguishable on the surface.


*shrug* I suppose this is really a moot point since no one (not even a psych imo) can tell me what I am and I have doubts that autism is anything other than a description of a various collection of symptoms that can be caused by any number of things. I just want to hear what other people have to say

I think we can get better. I have gotten better and what I mean by that is learning to adapt or overcome traits or learning to deal with things and finding ways to cope.

I've seen you grow, Spokane_Girl, from when I first started visiting here in 2008. You seem more "down to earth" now. Before all you would ever talk about was Benny and Joon

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just saying you seem to be able to have more of a normal conversation now. If you know what I mean.

Everyone is changing due to brain plasticity

Change is more common with a change in life circumstances, habits, ageing, diet and exposure to pollutants, stresses coming and going, all sorts of things can provide more change, than that would occur in a static lifestyle

just learning about ones AS as an adult sets in motion a typical chain of events, a learning and change in journey

similar to meeting ones real parents

Personally.... any improvement in ones functioning, could most probably be due to developing techniques and strategies to cope, implementing them, avoiding past stresses (learning what one doesnt like anymore) and avoiding certain NT's due to bad past experiences

nowadays I tend to avoid certain neurotypes, even attractive women..... and aim more at freaks and nerds

This strategy offers a life of more harmonious meetings with others, less stress, more happiness.