I want friends! Please give me your thoughts on this...

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I have been feeling very lonely lately. Im not the type of aspie where I will aviod people or hide from them. I do like too be around other people. I do want friends but my problem is that the few friends I do have, we all have a relationship where if I died now they would be sad but I dont know that they would really lose any sleep over it. I have a great family that loves me and Im thankful that but I am getting the feeling like they are sick of me hanging out with them rather then going out with my friends like the rest of my NT siblings do. Another one of my problems is that I dont really like poeple my age. Im 14 and all the NT girls my age are all the same and they are all scared to have thoughts of their own. I try to talk to the other girls my age but Im not great at keeping a convoration and Im always feeling nervous the whole time. I really want to have close friends but I dont have any. How could I fix this problem?

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely *virtual aspie friendly hug*
I'm sure there are some nice friends out there somewhere if only you can find them. If you do a lot more social things or take on interests you enjoy, then that will help.
I have been diagnosed recently. People can't tell I have aspergers they just think I am very shy. I was very isolated at school. Recently I have gone on anti-depressants and having some specialised counselling at the aspergers centre. I am quite sociable at the moment and believe there are some people who care about me, whereas before I was quite depressed and didn't think people would miss me. I have a husband and one or two supportive people in my life. You have to learn to like yourself as you are and accept that you have one or two weaknesses but also you have a lot of strong points e.g. could be focus or attention to details. Just because you approach someone and struggle socially doesn't mean that you are any less of a person than they are, you are being brave for trying. You could work on social skills such as reading body language and I have seen books with courses for teens with aspergers. I'm sure there is some help you can access.

You could possibly do with counselling or similar to build up your confidence around people or someone sympathetic to talk to . At your age your parents/school should be sorting things out for you so you don't have to worry about it as they are responsible for you. I'm sure this is better than struggling on your own. They may not have noticed as it can be hard for people to read AS body language as it is for us to understand other people's.

Instead of going after normal people, you should go after those that are considered weird. I have friends that developed strong emotional attachments to me because they felt like they could relate to another weird person. They tend to not have "sheep" type of personalities, so they're much more interesting and less predictable. I was lucky that I was basically adopted by groups of people when I needed to make friends. If there are any clubs relevant to your interests at school, you could try that. If there aren't any, you could speak with a teacher about creating one. They give you something obvious to talk about until you are more comfortable around them to converse with them about other things.

You might want to join some clubs or groups for people who share the same interests as you. If you have something in common then it will be easier to talk to them.

It was the same way for me when I was your age... but I never did anything about it.
I agree with what the others have said, you should give some clubs or groups a try. Can't hurt. :)

I'd agree with some here. I've had few, if any, common NT friends. But I share-housed with six goths and gays for about seven years and have some Wiccan friends.

Why does that work? Because everyone in such a scene presupposes a little oddity in a person. In other words... I fit in.

You might like to look into joining clubs where a slightly 'different' personality wouldn't be out of place. Maybe an acting or drama class, science class, arts and crafts, etc.

I also used to feel very lonely, but you get used to it after a while.

I tried to get some friends but i found out most people aren`t worth my time.

If you want friends, find people who wouldn't take advantage of you (Aka, popular and "normal" people) and are interesting to talk to and be with.

I would like friends too because i am also very lonely , but i want to hang around with the right bunch of people. People have taken advantage of me in the past , when i go down the pub i have to buy them drinks eccetra so i have left them because of that. Also they have a lack of understanding and were not very sympathetic towards me and never cared when i was low , i have one mate which i see rarely. Although i find normal people weird and also i am not as confident as normal people are.

Hmm... I don't desire friends and I never felt "lonely". I often feel sad and "out of place" but another person's presence would not help, I just need to get through this. But if you do feel need for human presence or a friend I would suggest above all: don't try to force yourself to act like others do, don't try to fit into society since you won't find friends in clubs and bars and happy hours. You're more likely to suffer more as you have already realized. Don't think of it as the society rejecting you, it's you who rejects the society, and good riddance!

Judging by my own example I prefer company of unusual people. The kind you would fin in a relaxed, non-competitive bicycle club, for example (since I like bikes). So, see if there are any clubs or organizations that you might be interested in and see if you can find some more compatible people there. There are unusual people in most non-profit organizations. If you have some time you may want to try to volunteer a few hours a week. Many people with AS or just social issues tend to gravitate towards the fringes of the society, away from bars and club scene, which is freaking boring and annoying for um... I would say "us" but I'm not diagnosed yet.

Ah, Kaelyn, Can I give you a cyber hug, or just send some good vibes your way?

This is coming from someone who is 47, who I'm guessing you figure older than dirt

Being 14 just sucks. It just does. You see all the "shiney happy people" twittering, face booking and texting, and you look at yourself and go yuk.

I still do this at 47. Those obnoxious, shallow, twit like people will grow up to be obnoxious shallow twit like adults. Instead of boys, clothes and whatever they prattle about, it will be how marvelous their over archieving children are, or that new car their husband "surprised them with". Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. The PTO moms make me want to drive my face through a wood chipper. Then I remember, thank G_d, I'm not one of them.

My life was a hot mess from 13 to 19. I wasn't "popular", and my family situation was terrible. I had no "friends" per say. That was more due to my mentally ill, agoraphobic mother, than me (looking back).

One thing that helped me, is find something you can do without depending on your parents. I helped out at my public library during those years. It helped me learn to interact with people, and I learned there are adults that believed I was a good decent person. That also paved the way to get my job all through univeristy working for the Science and Engineering library.

Friends are like waves. They come and go. People forget that point. Your life situation changes and friends will change. It isn't good or bad, it just is. The friends you have in high school will probably drop away, and you pick up new ones at work or university. Graduate or move on from a job, another wave. Friends get married, another wave. Friends start having children, another wave. If you are really lucky, you will have 1 or 2 good friends that make it through all the waves. These friends are more precious than rubies.

The beauty of being 14, is nothing is set in stone. Kaelyn can be who ever she wants! You can pick up and shed interests. This week you want to be a write, few months later an artist, next year a biologist. You can be total self indulgent. This time in your life should be about YOU.

If you want to "learn" to be around people, and there is nothing that interests you at school, there is plenty in the big wide world to try out. Because you are 14, BONUS!, adults will cut you much more slack in the social skills part.

Off the top of my head

Human socities, food banks, groups that work to help clean up nature areas (very big where I live), hospitals (you can find a voluteer gig with little socialization to as much as you want), lilbraries, parks and rec departments. That is off the top of my head.

If you volunteer, and it doesn't work out, dump it like so much trash and move on to the next interest. There are cliquey obnoxious voluteeners. 95% of the time it is nothing about you. Figure it is a blessing you found out early and can move on.

The one thing my Aspie husband is learning at 51, to be comfortable around people (as much as an Aspie can), you have to be around people. His social skills degraded for the 2 years he hid out at home.
He is in the same spot your are, Kaelyn. What are my strong points? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? But to find out, you have to at least put your toe into the pond called life.

Hope I gave you something worth while.

Tawaki

Myself and Cockney Rebel I think both socialise a fair bit at our clubrooms

Mine is just an old factory in an industrial area, NZ's first cannabis club venue.

The surf beach carpark is full of old faces and conversations for me too.

I dont generally mix well with mainstream society, and I guess your the same. Go for a place full of freaks and non NT dominant environment and culture.

Sometimes even a walk around a mall is what a lot of lonely people do. However, actively participating in a group is ideal and possibly may only be regularly achieved in a club or employment place.

I could join a motorcycle gang, but I dont care for much for their activities. The NZ Society of Druids sounds appealing to me, except for the drunken sex with witches bits, which upon reflection could be quite good!