Aversion to Touch? What Has Worked Best For You?

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I'm researching an article I'm writing about aversion to touch for Psychology Today. I want to focus on practical solutions: books, or products, or strategies you have used to help you deal with touch in relationships when you need to (e.g., hugging, kissing, holding hands), or just sensory strategies you may have learned from your OT.

Thank you!

I don't mind being touched so much as long as I know that I'm about to be touched. It also helps when you live in a country where everyone is always touching eachother all the time, and you get used to it. I'm still bothered when people touch without warning me.

Could you clarify what it is that upsets you about a random touch? And how does knowing that you are going to be touched help you receive it? And when you receive it, is it still somewhat uncomfortable? For example, is deep pressure, like a hug, better than light pressure, like a hand on your arm or a kiss on the cheek?

P.S. By the way, I was born and grew up in Boa Vista, Roraima in Brasil!

I guess it's that the unexpected stimulation startles me or something, and when I know exactly when its going to happen I can sort of brace myself and the touch isn't surprising. Receiving it when prepared may be slightly uncomfortable, I guess it depends on my mood, the type of touch, and the situation. And yes, deep pressure is better than light pressure.

Boa Vista looks pretty. I live in Brasilia, which is probably the fakest city on Earth. The culture is still Brazilian, but it's still a bit different from what I've seen in other Brazilian cities as most of the people are so rich.

Disclosure; I'm NT.

Having said that, I don't like what I consider to be intimate touch with anyone but my immediate family or mate. In therapy (not OT) I learned that it's OK to reject unwanted touch.

I just step backwards away from acquaintances who are approaching for unwanted hugging or kissing. It always works and it's amazingly simple to do. (Assuming I see it coming.)

I agree, I don't like to be touched unexpectedly. Sometimes the sensation can be too much. But it's also that I don't like people in my personal space. Touching disturbs my energy field. I remember one time my Yoga teacher put her hand on my shoulder to help me with a pose - it sort of freaked me out because it was so unexpected and intense.

How I deal with it? I avoid touching if at all possible. Sometimes it's difficult to avoid, so I just go with it and try not to think about it. I've learned to also touch first, like in shaking hands (not my favorite thing), but if I offer my hand first, there's a sort of control over the situation, which to me is very different than feeling obligated to shake someone's hand.

If I know from past experience that someone I'm meeting up with is the type that wants/expects to hug as a greeting, I often force myself to initiate it because that way I'm at least prepared - helps both awkwardness and comfort level.

I do not like ANYONE touching me without my permission. There is though, implied permission.

If you are closely related to me, or married to me, you can touch me. Otherwise, HANDS OFF!

Not very many people ever do touch me that I don't want to anyway. When they do, I cringe internally, and avoid the person from there on in if at all possible. I do not like it. It's an invasion of my person.

Handshakes are fine, but never more than that.

I don't have any problem with it when it's family, or extremely close friends, of which I do not have many. Intimacy is not a problem.

When I am touched and it's unwanted, I don't handle it well at all. I mentally shut down, don't say anything, and bear it. I wish like hell I could figure out how to tell these "touchy feely" types that I don't care for it, and wish they would keep their hands to themselves.

EDIT: In case I misunderstood what you were looking for, pressure or whatever, isn't an issue for me. The only physical contact I hate and will go ballistic over no matter who does it, is restraint. Any situation that restricts my movement, even of just one arm or leg. Can't STAND it. Makes me claustrophobic. I freak out.

I don't like being touched if I've not been asked first. My personal space is very important to me. I prefer a firm touch because being touched too lightly gives me that weird itchy "bugs on skin" sort of sensation. I love hugging my friends but if anyone else tries to touch me it just doesn't feel right. I can force myself to shake hands with a stranger to be polite, but if I'm not prepared for being touched it can be very startling and uncomfortable. Really the only way to get me to like being touched is for me to get to know the person.

I've had a talk with my mother last summer, she was telling me she always found it a bit hurtful when I recoiled fom her hugs, so I've had to actually think about it a bit to explain it to her (and learn how to stop hurting her feelings....)
Like others have said, it's all about being prepared for the touch, imagine you're playfighting with your friends (yes, in my scenario, you're 13...) you tighten your abs before they punch you in the stomach, you're fine , everyone is laughing. Then you decide to go for icecreams and you assume the game is forgotten when one of them randomly punches you in the stomach: you're surprized, it hurts and you get mad.
I'm not saying a hug hurts as much as a punch, it doesn't really.....it causes no damage but, you're just as startled by the unexpectedness of it. And the....invasion? the other person is just "assuming " that you're always ready for it, when aspies need to prepare mentally before anything at all. We don't usually notice we do it , but we prepare mentally before getting up and going to the toilets.....
I found the solution, with my mother, by telling her she has to stand with her arms open for a few seconds before going in for a hug. I also started hugging her randomly myself, since I can picture exactly what my body will feel if I'm in control.
My husband is not a random hugger or kisser, he hates holding hands, so we don't have any issues in this matter. He likes to tickle me to death, though, which makes me claustrophobic and drives me to meltdown pretty quickly, my "strategy" has been to almost break his nose with my skull as he was holding me down and I couldn't breathe. It's a good strategy.

I often find myself shouting "NO TOUCHY!" like Emperor Kuzco.

my bigest problem is unexpected and/or light touch, things like sitting on a full couch and just barely having knee-on-knee contact freak me out, but the stronger shoulder-to-shoulder compression in the same situation barely bothers me.

the same thing is with things like hugs; i love a good hug with people i trust, but it has to be a strong bear-hug, not one of those soft quickies.

to cope with uncomfortable touch levels, i have developed a something that is best discribed as 'light meditation', that allows me to shut out almost all of my sensory input, yet still be able to move around to find a place where i can let off some steam, preferably my own room, but if that is unavailable, i find the nearest toilet cubicle and force myself into a premature shutdown to reset myself enough to allow me to either return to the gathering if i must (birthdays or, the horror, crowded public transport) or otherwise go home.

Similar response to most of the others here. An unexpected touch (usually light, even bing brushed up against) sends a feeling of fire without heat, or electricity without pain, throughout my body, with the worst of it impacting where I was touched and my head. I've gotten where I don't frequently yank away (still can happen), but I do move away quickly without jerking to scare anyone.

Only my wife can unexpectedly touch me without causing this issue, and only if I know it's her touching me.

I'm in pain all the time. So I don't really have a problem with being touched, though it doesn't happen much, because it hurts the same whether I'm touched or not.

Simple. I don't let people touch me. I hate it when people I barely know reach out and touch my shoulder, tying to be reasurring. I also hate being hugged.

I have learned that when I am stressed out, when my mother puts her hand on me, I some how calm down. She also rubs me. Sometimes I wonder if she does this to stop my repetitive body movements. I am not always aware of my body movements and I get very embarrassed when they are pointed out to me.

Other times I do not like being touched. I can get very angry if someone touches me and I am in the middle of something. I just throw the person off (not literally). Sometimes touch is painful.

I do not like to be hugged but however I am flexible when someone asks for one and I like to cuddle to keep warm and I love to be rubbed.


I shake hands but I don't like it. Sure if I am with a stranger and they touch me all of a sudden, I am fine with it. When someone I know touches me from behind, I don't mind. My mom told me I used to freak out when I get touched from behind but therapy fixed that. I was more defensive to touch as a child. Mom told me when I was little I come home from school and they hug me and I would be wriggling and squirming and they ask me what is the matter with me and I'd say I don't feel like getting hugged. For some reason they couldn't seem to understand that. I guess all kids like being hugged when they come home from school but not me. I just reacted to it. This was long before my AS diagnoses and before my mother knew I had sensory issues. As I said in some of my other posts in the pasts, she probably thought I was being a wuss so she get mad at me and start hitting me to get me to cooperate. It always worked though because being hit was more painful than what I was dealing with.

I often feel my personal space is being invaded so that I why I do not like touch. I do not understand the affection people need and too much of it for me is overwhelming. I feel my anxiety build up inside me when I put up with it. I just don't do it. Every now and then I let my husband hug me and kiss me.