Need Advice

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On the one hand, the person I used to talk to all the time is very bad for me, at least he was. On the other hand, I'm very lonely in general and miss him. (This relates to Asperger's because my Asperger's is one of the reasons I'm so lonely.)

More info please. I can't come to anything from just this.

I've had to go through the process with some bad for me people in the past. I found I went through periods of longing even well after I was "done" or things were "over". It's a slippery slope and its amazing how fast things can get "back to the way they were" both for the good and the bad is amazing.

Personally, I'd recommend doing anything and everything you can to find another outlet as I doubt you'd have come here and brought it up if it wasn't a relationship that was very much to the bad for you side and clearly with the "at least he was" comment you are fighting yourself to keep away.

Good luck regardless

Thanks for replying, both of you. To the first reply, I was talking to someone for 2 or 3 years who fulfilled most of my mental and emotional needs, but was sometimes controlling and things like that. Then he started being rude, so I stopped talking to him. I stopped talking to him in either January or February of this year. This summer I met someone else, who turned out to be very abusive. It's basically been further downhill, not to mention faster, for me. Since person number two, I mean.

Should I try to alleviate some of my loneliness by talking to him sometimes without being as attached to him as I used to?

If someone is being abusive you should get away from them. You could try going back to the first person, they have fulfilled your needs in the past and they may be better now, but if they are still rude and controlling than you should either get them to stop trying to control you or disattach from them again.

Thank you. Although now I have to contemplate the potential consequences should I have to detach from him again.

Is there anyone else who you could turn to?

I do not think so. I wish there was. Earlier, I realized I've been away from person number one for almost a year- a year seems like an accomplishment for me.

Are you talking about person number 1??

I know how this goes...I usually get very attached to one person, to the point I drive them nuts.
However since I been on wrongplanet...I been doing better at that cuz I have a whole bunch of people to talk to and a few people that I talk to in PM.

you can PM me if you want.
I am an artist, fiber artist (spinning fiber to yarn,knitting, basketry, weaving) and I paint, draw and write poetry


Jojo

I was in an abusive relationship for 2.5 years, then another for a year. The first time I didn't want to let go because he was so familiar to me. The second relationship I really cared for him a lot and actually was too naive to realize his behavior was controlling. You have to be strong and walk away. You deserve better.

Jojo With person number one, it was not that I drove him nuts- not at all, but sometimes he was mean and/or controlling. With person number two, he was plain abusive- I have no intention of ever speaking to person number two again.

Also Jojo, thanks for your advice. One of the reasons I joined this site was to help with loneliness and other things.

Thank you, Tropicalcows. I was thinking that if I limited my indulgence in person number one this time, and took a break when I felt I needed to, that this time would be better.

Thinking "next time around will be better" is common among abuse victims. However, the chances of anything changing are very slim. Abusers tend not to alter their behaviors. So do the victims, which is why it's important you work on making some changes: A. Stay away from both of these guys, and B. Go after men with different personalities.

You're right about it being common. Although, in the past I actually wanted a relationship with him. Now I don't, I just someone to talk to. (I want to talk to person number one- I hate person number two.) One of the reasons I want to talk to him again is I can't meet anyone, much less get a boyfriend or something. That and person number one was a much better person than number two. I talked to number one for two or three years, number two for two weeks. Somehow number two did both more negative things and less positive things than person number one.