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This is what my social problem is...

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Kaelynn
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13 Nov 2011, 2:40 am

Ok so this is what my problem is. #1 I hate meeting new people. I feel nervus around new people. :oops: #2 When there is some one I like or want to I never know what to say to them. :( There are lots of nice people at my chruch and at my school but I never know what to say to them! I want to talk to them and I want to be friends with them but I dont know what to say. How can I fix my problem? How can I figure out how to talk to people my own age? :?:



Jory
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13 Nov 2011, 2:42 am

The good news is, I can relate.

The bad news is, I've had no more success than you.



Sparx
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13 Nov 2011, 7:11 am

...I'll have to get back to you.



swbluto
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13 Nov 2011, 9:55 am

Well, first you have to introduce yourself.

Smile and say "Hi, I'm Kaelynn.".

Then they'll say their name, usually.

Then you say something like "How are you?"

Then they say something like "Fine. How are you doing?"

And then you're SUPPOSED to say something like "Fine" or "Great" or whatever.

And then you start talking about whatever they might be interested in. If you have the latest bit of gossip, then you can talk about that. If you're clueless, ask about their interests. If you find you have common interests, then you have something to talk about and then you start talking.



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13 Nov 2011, 12:38 pm

swbluto, I wish it were as easy as you purport conversation to be. Unfortunately, it's not.

Conversation is like a dance. Some of us are good at dancing, and some of us are not. The thing is, you can become better at dancing/conversing. It takes time, observation of others who are good at dancing/conversation, and it takes some serious thought and practice.

Also, it must take relaxation skills -- because for NT's, especially those who are good at it, conversing is PLAY. It's not stress, it's not a job, it's PLAY. It's fun for them. I think that's a lot of the problem here -- for Aspies, conversation is pure work, and it's stress, high-anxiety work to boot.

I tripped over a really good web site that gives suggestions and help for those of us who are conversation-phobic:

http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2011/06/21 ... tionalist/

and this:

http://mysocialupgrade.com/

I've been reading this blog off and on, and using his points as jump-off points to help my son with conversation skills. My son describes the EXACT SAME situation that you describe, Kaelynn. Hopefully this site and the ideas the blogger presents can be of help to all of us.



Kaelynn
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13 Nov 2011, 2:40 pm

schleppenheimer wrote:
swbluto, I wish it were as easy as you purport conversation to be. Unfortunately, it's not.

Conversation is like a dance. Some of us are good at dancing, and some of us are not. The thing is, you can become better at dancing/conversing. It takes time, observation of others who are good at dancing/conversation, and it takes some serious thought and practice.

Also, it must take relaxation skills -- because for NT's, especially those who are good at it, conversing is PLAY. It's not stress, it's not a job, it's PLAY. It's fun for them. I think that's a lot of the problem here -- for Aspies, conversation is pure work, and it's stress, high-anxiety work to boot.

I tripped over a really good web site that gives suggestions and help for those of us who are conversation-phobic:

http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2011/06/21 ... tionalist/

and this:

http://mysocialupgrade.com/

I've been reading this blog off and on, and using his points as jump-off points to help my son with conversation skills. My son describes the EXACT SAME situation that you describe, Kaelynn. Hopefully this site and the ideas the blogger presents can be of help to all of us.


Thank you for this! :)



Kaelynn
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13 Nov 2011, 2:43 pm

swbluto wrote:
Well, first you have to introduce yourself.

Smile and say "Hi, I'm Kaelynn.".

Then they'll say their name, usually.

Then you say something like "How are you?"

Then they say something like "Fine. How are you doing?"

And then you're SUPPOSED to say something like "Fine" or "Great" or whatever.

And then you start talking about whatever they might be interested in. If you have the latest bit of gossip, then you can talk about that. If you're clueless, ask about their interests. If you find you have common interests, then you have something to talk about and then you start talking.


Yes but the what ever else is my problem. I can say hi and tell them my name the hard part is keeping the covorstion going.



OliveOilMom
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13 Nov 2011, 7:59 pm

You can always say something clever like "I failed Conversation 101, so tell me about yourself, what do you like to do?"
People love to talk about themselves. This is a charming way to let them know to do that and you will listen. They will ask you things that you can answer. This worked for me when I was first learning how (forcing myself) to talk to people

Frances