I think my Aspergers makes it impossible for me to socialize

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I know that having a lack of social skills is part of having Aspergers Syndrome, but I seriously think mine is way too severe. For some reason dealing with lots of people seems to bring out the worst in me and I just don't understand why when on a one-on-one basis I can be a very nice and friendly person but with dealing with lots of people I act a bit like a... how do I put this gently? A complete fuktard.

I have this bad thing about twisting stuff about my life and saying stupid and sometimes offensive things, and it seems like I alter between being coherent and incoherent. I guess a lot of people with Aspergers can understand that awkard feeling, but it kind of sucks because to be honest I wish I could be more social and make lots of friends easily.

I also hate the way I behave just to get attention because I can't find any other way to do it. :(

I can kind of relate. I think I have it so badly that I don't think I will be able to work. When I did work people made fun of me and stuff. I have really bad social skills.

Lots of people at once is too much for me, I can't function; it's almost like I completely forget how to do anything. My mind goes blank and I freeze.

Loud noise is what I dread when I go to school. Everything and everyone is extremely loud, and my ears almost burst when I walk down the halls. I can't even talk when things are that loud, because I'm resisting the urge to cover my ears and run for a quiet place. I often get accused of ignoring the few friends I have while I walk down the halls. I think hearing is my biggest issue, not social interaction. I've got the basics down when it comes to that.

Socializing in a group is torture. It is impossible for me to socialize in a group of several people. Even with only three people in a group, "socializing" is me watching two people talk to each other.

Socializing can be/is usually torturous for those with Autism.
- NTz however, live to 'socialize' and can apparently actually feel 'refreshed' and 'relaxed' after several hours of 'socializing' in a group (large or otherwise)
- NTz would probably be quite astonished to learn how toxic 'social' events can be for those on the Autism Spectrum

Returning to the OP.

Ditto: I function well one on one, which not surprisingly is also how I prefer to socialize
- many NTz seem to find interacting one-on-one exhausting!

I can more or less manage a group of 2 or 3 if I already know people
- The effort expended by me to simply be in a group of 4+ (and the resulting confusion/exhaustion) then becomes logarithmic with each additional 'group member'

Last edited by Blindspot149 on 14 Nov 2011, 2:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

While I enjoy relating to people one on one, I find most group situations awkward and stressful. Multiple social cues and body language is so hard to follow. I usually just try to fade into the background. Social people/NTs find it difficult to understand how someone can feel like this. It's difficult to explain to them.

I wonder if socializing with me one-on-one is exhausting and un-fun for others. My mother often tells me that conversing with me wears her out. I wonder if socializing with autiztics one-on-one is generally exhausting and un-fun for NTz.

The primary activity of Autistic people at 'social' events is collecting and exchanging information - Not socializing

I believe this is what your Mother (and NTz in general) was referring to.

Thinking/communicating analytically over an extended period, is as tiring (and probably meaningless) to NTz as socializing is to us.

I wish i could fly, i can beat myself up about it until i die but i will never be able to fly without help of technology. If you can't beat it embrace it. It sucks that we live in a world where socializing is such a focus in life, we do not have to socialize as much as we are made to believe.

Wanting something that we do not have right now or do not have the ability to achieve in the future can only lead to pain. If you want to socialize but you feel that you are failing at it or you are not doing it, what benefit is there in punishing yourself for it ?. You are then only doing what society has installed in your brain, not socializing is bad and without it you must feel miserable.

NOT having or doing something is one thing but letting it work up your negative emotions is not beneficial at all.

You are socializing with your posts in a sense so your claim that you cannot socialize is not true.

There are similar people out there for everyone. Take a look at these forums there must be dozens of people here that you COULD socialize with.
Its just a matter of time/luck/effort to run into these people and have them become a part of your life.

This is a problem for most of the Aspies. You're sure not alone.

If it's any consolation (and I don't think it is), it takes VERY LITTLE for NTs to start seeing you as strange and to start ignoring you and excluding you from social situations. Very little. So just because you feel you are horribly bad in social situations doesn't mean your condition is severe or that you'd be unable to form friendships with others.

Well put.

Social media has been my 'social' salvation.

I'm now in regular contact, via social media, with more people than all the mostly fleeting 'friends' I ever had in the 'real world'
- I have met very few of these new social media friends, but they demonstrate friendship, care and support
- I also strongly suspect that a good number of these social media friends are neuro-diverse albeit hardworking, successful professionals

Thank you social media

It's hard for me to socialize even on forums like this one. I know most Aspies think the internet makes it easier, but for some reason it doesn't for me. My poor social skills seem to carry on to the internet as well, when I first got the internet I was banned from a couple of forums because I unintentionally came across as a troll.

But as I said with the one-on-one thing, I can do that on the internet very well too. I have a couple of really good friends I have met on the internet and whne I talk to them alone on messenger it's so easy to just be myself and talk to them about whatever I want, but I've also lost many friends because at times I didn't know how to act and I guess I got a little too annoying for them.

Having a large crowd of friends is overrated. It's not real and most of the people don't have it. People (including NTs) claim they only have one or two real friends... The rest are casual acquaintances.

It's difficult for an Aspie to have a large circle of acquaintances and casual friends. But it doesn't matter. It's still possible to have one or two friends who will understand you and be there for you.

I much prefer one to one activities over group activities. Group situations are very draining for me and sometimes I end up acting a little goofy.

I think people need to understand there are various forms of socializing. Nothing wrong abut hating the crowd and preferring one to one situations.