Trying to figure out what to do from here

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Lately I've been trying to reevaluate myself in light of my recent AS diagnosis. I've had some success but have found more questions than conclusions. One conclusion I have reached, however, is that I will never marry my girlfriend. We've been together for over 5 years and have lived together for 3 or so. But this post isn't about our relationship problems per se.

My main concern is what to do about this situation. I am the primary breadwinner in the relationship. I have a good enough job I could live on my own, assuming I can keep my job. That presents two more problems. Firstly, I just got an evaluation wherein my bosses politely called me arrogant and a poor communicator (they don't know about my AS). Secondly, my girlfriend's father is one of the owners of the company I work for. I'm not sure he would go so far, but I suspect he might find a way to "let me go" if I break up with her. Also, he is the one who helped me get my bike, which is my transportation to work. So I might lose that, too.

I suppose I've had it pretty easy the past few years with her dad helping support us since she hasn't had a job in years until about a month ago.

I guess I have two options:
1) Break up with her and hope for the best, hoping that I can make it on my own.
2) Stay with her for a while longer and try to get myself into a more stable financial situation where it won't be so detrimental to lose her dad's support

Option 1 scares me because I've never lived completely on my own and am not sure I can find another job to support myself if I lose this one. And I no longer have a safety net of family. My parents are retired and can't take me in, and my siblings wouldn't want to. So this option would be sink-or-swim.

But option 2 seems so shallow, to stay in a relationship I no longer have any interest in taking to the next level (she wants to be married). I would really rather live by myself instead of with a complete slob with terrible hygiene.

Even though it's shallow, I would stay with her a little while longer. Meanwhile, start looking for another job. Let the places you apply at know that you are still working and haven't told them you are looking for another job yet. That way they won't call for references. I would mention that you have AS to the person interviewing you. They may not know what it is, or understand it, and I think the best way to play it off is to explain that "It's like Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory, sort of"

As for your bike, do you mean a bicycle or motorcycle? If it's a motorcycle and he's a co-signer, then you may need to try and get a loan to pay it off, or at least talk to the bank and find out what would happen if he wanted off the loan. Ask them what your options are. If it's a bicycle, I'd say to look around for a used one somewhere in the meantime.

I would also start putting back some money in secret so you have a cash stash when you do tell her and the s*** hits the fan. You may want to start looking around at apartments or rooms for rent so you know what the prices are in your area and what's available.

I would not, under any circumstances, plan on depending on that job after you break up with your boss's daughter. He may be understanding and not fire you, but then again, you never know what people will do. You also may find a better job out there in the meantime. It's much easier to find a job while you are working.

If the person who is interviewing you asks why you are looking for another job, tell the truth. Say "I've been dating my boss's daughter for several years and it's not working out, and I'm not taking a chance on being laid off after I break up with her". Do not say "fired". That implies that they may have cause to fire you. Say "Laid off" which sounds much better.

Frances

I would start looking for another mode of transportation, or try to get it paid for ASAP. I would also start looking at jobs closer to where you live now. If you do sign another lease, will it be both your names on it, or just one? If it's only your name, and it's something you can afford on your own, then there is no problem. You can ask her to move out when you break up. If it's in both your names, I don't know how that is handled.

If I were you, I would start looking at jobs and apartments on Monday. Look in the paper and see what things normally cost where you are. See what jobs are available. Start applying. Also, make sure you give them a phone number that she doesn't have access to. If nothing else, get a cheap prepay cell phone and put that down. That way, she can't go to her Dad and tell him that you are looking for other jobs.

Frances

Well, that sounds like good advice. I've actually already started looking for apartments closer to where I work now (and could likely find another job in that area if necessary).

Looks like OliveOilMom gives good advice!

Going more independent? You may keep your girlfriend and at the same time have a job on your own, independently from her father. It will show up what your relationship really worths. You'd have two problems solved. Of course, it takes time. Be patient, and do what you have to do, whatever her or his reaction would be.

Even if you end up keeping the current job, it's always good to have options. It also boosts your self confidence if you know you do have the options.

Thanks for saying I give good advice. It's always easier to see other people's problems clearer than my own.

Frances