Workplace Disclosure - OMG. Now I've gone and done it.

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... I just sent an email to my "surrogate" boss, telling them about my ASD.

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh. Just need to let of steam a bit and to ask.....

Those of you who have disclosed at work ... how did you do it? who did you do it to? what was the reaction?

So far I have disclosed it only to my boss and the company doctor. Actually, I'd talk to my boss about it before I had been diagnosed, and he's been supportive ever since of my attempt to get diagnosed (which finally happened Friday last week) and to get help in the company to make things easier for me to work to my full potential, which is why I've now talked to the company doctor as well (this morning to be exact!).

In both cases the reactions I've got are all full support. That said, my boss was already aware of Autism, and our company doctor has attended a conference about Autism among adults a few months ago, so we could say I work at a very enlightened company .

I haven't "come out" to my colleagues yet, although I've somewhat mentioned the issue with a few close colleagues. There was no specific reaction to that.

I live in the Netherlands. Here HFA and Asperger's Syndrome are relatively well known, having received some strong media attention these past few years (last year there was even a National Week of Autism), so negative reactions are less likely than in other countries.

I've been where I work for almost 4 yrs and boss thinks I'm the weirdest person he's ever met. I go Sept. 16 2011 to begin DX process. He did his mock concern thing when I told him I was going to see a Dr. 3 hours away saying "OH, what's wrong? anything serious?" I replied: "Nothing more than has ever been". I have no lower opinion of anyone I've met than this guy (He's a walking P. T. Barnum). If he can misinterpret anything he will be sure to slam me worse than anyone. It's taken this long to get his begrudging respect for my high technical expertise but he otherwise has no clue what I do for his business. I debate whether I'll tell him any results. It will probably just result in an 'AHA' for him that I AM a 'documentable' weirdo.

That is a coincidense. I told two people confidentially at my work hoping that I could disseminate it slowly through them, but I actually think that I could trust them too much. That was a year ago and about six months ago and it hasn't gotten back to me, yet.

So, yesterday it came up in a conversation with two other people that one of them had seizures. I used that as my opportunity. I told them openly and there were other people in the room when I told them. Now, I'm waiting to see what happens. I hope it was the right decision.

I think my drive to tell people might actually be due to the HFA. My drive to always do what is right has played a major role in the decisions that have affected the "fabric" of my life. I think that it is a combination between feeling like I'm lying to people by pretending to be normal. a need to constantly experiment with things to gain knowledge, and hoping people will not judge me and understand why I do the weird things I do. I think the strongest part though is that I just like to have full disclosure. I don't want any "skeletons in my closet." I'd rather just throw them all on my front lawn.

My biggest fear isn't that people will judge me for having it. It's that I'm going to get inundated with questions.

Told my immediate boss. No particular reaction as he already knew me well enough and was already making allowances for my being A Bit Strange. Told the headteacher. Her reaction was (in part) "oh, Suchandsuch pupil has Asperger's, maybe you could mentor them." An offer I declined; we've got a lot of SEN students and I like helping them, but a mentor I am not. ^^ I talk about it with other colleagues if circumstances require it, which is occasionally because SEN issues do come up. *shrugs* Positive or neutral reactions, not had any bad experiences. I suspect I've been lucky.

I haven't told management, but I have told a couple trusted coworkers, including my current union steward. All seem like it's not a big deal. Though, there is a standing argument that you must be crazy to work here (and it applies to everyone here)

I don't understand. Why are you people so afraid to tell your jobs about your Asperger's Syndrome? Aren't they required to give you accomadations and not fire you because of it? I've never had a job before besides school, so I may be missing something here, but I don't see any dangers in telling bosses and coworkers about Asperger's Syndrome.

Because in the real world it doesn't always work like that.

I heard people were supposed to pay taxes and stick to the speed limit!

I'm really scared of my boss and was terrified when he found out about my depression. However, he was pretty supportive. I'd tell him about AS if I got a diagnosis, but only then.

OK, so the surrogate boss cannot reconcile the idea of me having an ASD with what she knows of ASDs (which is actually rather a lot, compared to the average person, by virtue of the work we do). This makes me feel pretty sh***y. What if the dx is wrong and I am just nuts after all?

But, nevertheless, they are going to try to help me find some strategies to get me back on track at work.

Frankly, I'm feeling quite terrified that I shared that I was having difficulties and I can't now go back to pretending everything is alright at work when it isn't ...

Geez. WHAT IN THE WORLD MADE ME SEND THAT STUPID EMAIL.

Because in the real world they can simply fire you for not performing to the company standards and if you do not have a solid diagnosis they have an even better get out clause.

They can say since you didn't disclose it on your application you withheld important information so that is grounds for dismissal, even though if you did there would be no chance of you ever getting the job...

I would love to be able to bring it up and simply get on with it, but this is not as accepted as you being in a wheelchair or being deaf...you are seen as being like Rainman having a meltdown constantly; an enlightened society we most certainly do not live in.

Hell, in my town they beat the crap out of people for wearing different clothes to them, and there was an EXTREMELY famous murder case a few years back for just such a thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Sophie_Lancaster

If someone is going to kick the s**t out of such a great girl who friends knew then they will not ever hesitate to do the same to someone who does not think like them.

No matter how much she knows about ASDs, it is nothing compared to what you know about ASDs.

That's terrible! I can't believe those people would do that! I guess I still have a childlike naivety.

I don't know what the laws are in the UK, but I thought that in the US businesses couldn't
discriminate against people with disablities while hiring them. They could be sued, couldn't they? Also, can't you tell if they're the dumb, ignorant, closed-minded kind of bosses when they interview you? I think you're allowed to ask questions.

I know I don't know much about the real world, but could you please explain it better to me?

Technically, you are correct, however, in basically every state, employees are at-will. If you sue a company because they wouldn't hire you, or they fired you improperly, you won't last long, because management will do everything in their power to get rid of you. Virtually every employer has contradictory employee policies for this purpose (basically, it ensures that everyone is breaking a policy, thus allowing them to get rid of anyone they want AND have a "legit" reason.) Now, there are defenses for this, but, effectively, the best that will happen for the individual that sues a company for firing them is 6 months of unemployment. In some cases a company will be forced to rehire the employee, but they will usually do everything they can to make it dificult for the employee. Also, the type of lawsuit neccessary would usually be a civil lawsuit, in which case you will need the filing fee upfront. Also, you likely will need a lawyer, as virtually every company will hire one, or already have one, and will attempt every trick they can to win the suit.

My boss once asked me in a performance review meeting to look him in the eye when we are talking. I was very tempted to tell him I had AS and that was a symptom of it and it helped me to focus on his words, but I let it slide.

Almost all of my boss's 'issues' with me are related to my AS, and also the good qualities he sees in me are classic AS qualities. I may tell him eventually when it feels right (been working here almost two years now). So long as it's not being used as an excuse for poor performance I think it's fine to disclose AS. i.e. if you're a good worker I'm sure any reasonably mature adult would be happy to co-operate and make some allowances for it.

On the other hand, I don't think it's a good idea to disclose in a reactive way (as opposed to a proactive way), for example responding to criticism by blaming things on AS, as that's going to cause problems.