Why do people want to hang out with me...?

Post Reply New Topic

I have had friends in the past and that was because the other people had to like me. I wanted them to like me so they didn't really have a choice lol.

But I really feel so confused when people come up to me and want to hang out with me for no reason. They aren't doing it because they feel they have to or out of pity but because they want to. It's driving me nuts though because why does this person want to hang out with me even though I'm very shy. I have hung out with this person sometimes during breaks at college but often I only stay for a few minutes and then leave but they sometimes find me and sit next to me.

I don't mind so much but I don't like being confused. I can nearly always work out reasons for things. My mum reckons he likes me but I think that's impossible and we don't have many similar interests, I'm not pretty, I'm a loner girl.

I'm thinking maybe the learner support tutor asked him to talk with me or he wants to help me for some reason? It could be like an experiment.
I don't want to outright ask though.

You are wrong and your mom is correct: he's attracted to you. You may not think you're pretty, but he probably does and how's one to know you're a loner unless they get to know you. That's what he's trying to do. So either you initiate something with him or explain to him you're not interested, it saves you the guessing and him the torment.

Then if that's so that makes things the worse...

I don't want people to like me that way ever unless I say they can. Such a problem and I can't have that!

How so? It's an answer either way. If you don't trust your mom's intuition and my understanding of my own sex, then all you have to do is ask him: why are you hanging around me so much?

I'm assuming there's some issues there then, and I'm not going to press, but I will say this: you can't control what other people feel, you can politely excuse yourself from their attention, but you can't stop the way they feel.

Sorry

I wouldn't mind if he wanted to be a friend to me.

The thing is if it's a girl doing the same thing nobody says 'maybe she fancies you'.

I don't want to say not to talk with me ever because I must learn to handle this sort of thing but I just wish it didn't confuse me or make me feel overwhelmed.

All my best friends are online.
:-/

Yeah, it's a pickle for sure. But you're a grown woman, you need to learn how to handle discussions about intimate relations at some point.

If I like someone and they like me back that's no problem. I have a bf and another guy I respect very much; if he liked me it would be okay . If a guy who doesn't know my personality and I don't know him is attracted to me that's kinda scary I think. I never wanted that.

Most guys nowadays only care about one thing, they'd never make a good partner or be a good man because they think with the wrong part of the body.

If you can find a way to mention the fact that you have a boyfriend that might help things sort themselves out..?

Yeah but then i'll lose my chance of making friends. If I've been given the opportunity I should try.

I don't think you'll miss out on an opportunity if he wants to be friends, necessarily.

I was thinking that if he is interested in you, then mentioning you have a bf will get him to give up and leave you alone, but if he was looking for a friend then you could probably find a way to say it so that it doesn't ruin that chance.

I can't think of a realistic suggestion of how to word it, but an UNrealistic example of why I say that is, imagine if you could say something to him like "hey, do you mind if I ask you advice about something? I dont know what to get my boyfriend for his birthday that's coming up. what kind of things do guys your age like?"... then if he is interested in you he'd probably blow off the question and leave, but if he wants to be friends he'd probably be happy to have a chance to reply thoughtfully and in a friendly way that might help you know for sure his intent IS friendship.

Ah that's a good idea.thanks

thanks for saying it's a good suggestion.

And, you're welcome, I just hope it can be of real help in the long run, or that you find a way to deal with the issue so that your anxiety is reduced as soon as possible. That would stress me out, too.