I'm 27, do I tell my parents I have Aspergers??

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Tufted Titmouse
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30 Mar 2012, 9:30 pm

I was recently diagnosed to be in the autism spectrum. My whole life Ive been different so I would think my parents already know I'm not exactly normal. In kindergarten my mother came to school with me to watch over due to behavioral problems. All of elementary the teachers told my parents I was ADHD, but my mother refused to believe it. Even though I was outgoing, I had very few friends and was taken advantage of constantly. After puberty I became withdrawn as it took this long for me to become aware of the negative receptions I constantly received.

Well you get the picture, I showed all the signs but I was never givin a psychiatric evaluation.

For some reason I have a strong urge to tell them. So they understand. My parents love me and will accept me no matter what, I KNOW this much. They are great people. I just worry they will feel like they did something wrong when really they probably just didnt know anything about aspergers or autism. I dismissed it too when I heard about autism because I never had a delay in speech.

I just have so many thoughts race through my mind when I ask myself if I should tell them. Would they even want to know? I really feel lost with this and I need to decide one way or the other because it is driving me insane :(



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30 Mar 2012, 9:53 pm

Letsrave wrote:
I was recently diagnosed to be in the autism spectrum. My whole life Ive been different so I would think my parents already know I'm not exactly normal. In kindergarten my mother came to school with me to watch over due to behavioral problems. All of elementary the teachers told my parents I was ADHD, but my mother refused to believe it. Even though I was outgoing, I had very few friends and was taken advantage of constantly. After puberty I became withdrawn as it took this long for me to become aware of the negative receptions I constantly received.

Well you get the picture, I showed all the signs but I was never givin a psychiatric evaluation.

For some reason I have a strong urge to tell them. So they understand. My parents love me and will accept me no matter what, I KNOW this much. They are great people. I just worry they will feel like they did something wrong when really they probably just didnt know anything about aspergers or autism. I dismissed it too when I heard about autism because I never had a delay in speech.

I just have so many thoughts race through my mind when I ask myself if I should tell them. Would they even want to know? I really feel lost with this and I need to decide one way or the other because it is driving me insane :(


Howdy,

With regard to your parents... You're sure they won't judge you, so tell them, and just do your best to reassure them that you don't judge *them*. Sounds like your bond with them is strong so I imagine they'll work it out.



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30 Mar 2012, 10:19 pm

AngelKnight wrote:

Howdy,

With regard to your parents... You're sure they won't judge you, so tell them, and just do your best to reassure them that you don't judge *them*. Sounds like your bond with them is strong so I imagine they'll work it out.


Ya they probably would. I just dont want them to work it out in a way where they blame themselves for anything. I have no clue if they would even want to know.



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30 Mar 2012, 10:27 pm

How could they blame themselves? Just tell them that little was known about Asperger's when you were growing up. I went through the same thing and I never really knew how my mum felt about it. I'm 26 so it's not a big leap in age.

I'd tell them because you never know how they would react.


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30 Mar 2012, 10:30 pm

Would it be ok to tell them on the phone? I told my brother on the phone and he said it's the type of thing I do in person. But I cant muster up the guts to bring it up when I am around them. I only see them a few times a year :/



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31 Mar 2012, 1:46 am

Ive decided I will tell them, this weekend I hope. Before I do this some input on phonecall idea would be great!



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31 Mar 2012, 4:45 am

Letsrave wrote:
I was recently diagnosed to be in the autism spectrum. My whole life Ive been different so I would think my parents already know I'm not exactly normal. In kindergarten my mother came to school with me to watch over due to behavioral problems. All of elementary the teachers told my parents I was ADHD, but my mother refused to believe it. Even though I was outgoing, I had very few friends and was taken advantage of constantly. After puberty I became withdrawn as it took this long for me to become aware of the negative receptions I constantly received.

Well you get the picture, I showed all the signs but I was never givin a psychiatric evaluation.

For some reason I have a strong urge to tell them. So they understand. My parents love me and will accept me no matter what, I KNOW this much. They are great people. I just worry they will feel like they did something wrong when really they probably just didnt know anything about aspergers or autism. I dismissed it too when I heard about autism because I never had a delay in speech.

I just have so many thoughts race through my mind when I ask myself if I should tell them. Would they even want to know? I really feel lost with this and I need to decide one way or the other because it is driving me insane :(


My God, you sound just like me less than a year ago(and at a very close age indeed).

I dunno what to tell you. I tried telling my folks, and they reject it still. Then again, yours sound more accepting than mine. I say go for it. I don't regret doing it despite the fact it didn't go as I wished, and you sound like you have a higher chance of a positive outcome than I.


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31 Mar 2012, 5:23 am

Sagroth wrote:

My God, you sound just like me less than a year ago(and at a very close age indeed).

I dunno what to tell you. I tried telling my folks, and they reject it still. Then again, yours sound more accepting than mine. I say go for it. I don't regret doing it despite the fact it didn't go as I wished, and you sound like you have a higher chance of a positive outcome than I.


What do you think of the phonecall idea?



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31 Mar 2012, 6:21 am

Letsrave wrote:
Sagroth wrote:

My God, you sound just like me less than a year ago(and at a very close age indeed).

I dunno what to tell you. I tried telling my folks, and they reject it still. Then again, yours sound more accepting than mine. I say go for it. I don't regret doing it despite the fact it didn't go as I wished, and you sound like you have a higher chance of a positive outcome than I.


What do you think of the phonecall idea?


I think that your parents would likely appreciate it being in person. Also, I know that I am horrible on the phone, and a lot of Aspies are the same. If in person doesn't work, perhaps an email or other written medium inviting them to call if they have questions or concerns?


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31 Mar 2012, 7:13 am

Letsrave wrote:
I was recently diagnosed to be in the autism spectrum. My whole life Ive been different so I would think my parents already know I'm not exactly normal. In kindergarten my mother came to school with me to watch over due to behavioral problems. All of elementary the teachers told my parents I was ADHD, but my mother refused to believe it. Even though I was outgoing, I had very few friends and was taken advantage of constantly. After puberty I became withdrawn as it took this long for me to become aware of the negative receptions I constantly received.

Well you get the picture, I showed all the signs but I was never givin a psychiatric evaluation.

For some reason I have a strong urge to tell them. So they understand. My parents love me and will accept me no matter what, I KNOW this much. They are great people. I just worry they will feel like they did something wrong when really they probably just didnt know anything about aspergers or autism. I dismissed it too when I heard about autism because I never had a delay in speech.

I just have so many thoughts race through my mind when I ask myself if I should tell them. Would they even want to know? I really feel lost with this and I need to decide one way or the other because it is driving me insane :(


I wasn't diagnosed until age 29.. or should I say I was misdiagnosed until age 29. Feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder. As for your parents, I printed out a lot of information and handed it to my mum. She read it and had no other reaction then clarification, the proof was in print. All the little signs, the quirks, sensitivities, etc. It all made perfect sense. It was a relief. Chances are one or both of your parents have autism too so it might even help them.



N0tYetDeadFred
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31 Mar 2012, 8:20 am

I just told mine at age 29. I agree with those who say to do it in person instead of over the phone.



mushroo
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31 Mar 2012, 9:39 am

You could use the phone thing as an example to help them understand. Meet with them in person but explain to them how that is more difficult than phone, and that you would like their help in the future, finding ways to interact that are less stressful for you. :)



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31 Mar 2012, 10:12 am

I'm going through that as well. Maybe you can ask the person who dx'd you to talk to them. My psych is going to. It is going to be at least a little easier, because there is no way I could be making it up since it is a specialist in AS talking. Also, I guess she will be able to have a calm objective conversation. I still fear the "afterwards", though.


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31 Mar 2012, 12:16 pm

I'm the mother of an AS kindergartener who has had tons of behavioral issues this year, so I imagine your mother to be much like myself, devoting lots of time and energy trying to figure out how to help this little boy she loves so much. I think she would be glad to have some answers after all these years, but also dismayed by the stats on how many adults continue to have major trouble finding/keeping jobs,living independently, and finding friends or marrying.

I would suggest that you start by saying, "Remember how all the teachers thought I had ADHD, and you knew that just didn't fit? I went for some testing because [insert reason here] and the doctor figured out that I have something called Aspergers Syndrome. I really think it fits me and explains a lot.".

I'd also bring a few things for them to read later. I like the cartoon in the sticky post at the top of this forum, "Hey Dude, I'm an Aspie". Maybe a copy of "Look Me In the Eye". The Tony Attwood book might be too much unless your mom is like me in obsessively reading everything she can get her hands on in search of answers.



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31 Mar 2012, 4:13 pm

Wow a lot of great advice. Ill check this out again after some rest. Been up 34 hours and just got off a busy day at work so crash time :P

Sunday I will tell them, just gotta muster up the courage.



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04 Apr 2012, 2:56 am

UPDATE:

On sunday I called mom up and told her over the phone. She asked if I wanted to come over so I went over for 3 hours and hung out. She had still never heard of aspergers before, so I explain things for about an hour so she would really understand. Not only did she understand, but when she told me she thinks she's on the Spectrum too it immediately clicked as true. Mom is the ONLY person I have ever clicked with socially. We have even gone to Europe together just me and her and we had a BLAST!! Anyway, She started telling me all about her childhood and how everything makes so much sense now. Just like myself, she had great difficulty believing in irrational things. But for her she was raised in an evangelical christian household and had to pretend to be Christian. Ahh Im kinda just rambling, basically it was a great experience.