Friend told me I was something I am not

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This is a message I got from a friend:
"You looooove not fitting in. You love going against the grain. It feels soooo good."

Ya, pretty much pissed me off right then and there. I do not understand this mentality. I love how people state who they are, who truely know themselves, and the response I get is that. He basically just said my last 6 months of intense meditation and last year of personal study did nothing, proved nothing and was pointless. I just "want to be different."

Yes, I told him that when I was a small child I thought 'I'm going to be different' and 24 years, while completely alone, my fantastic plan is working.

I love being quiet and clueless on how to speak to people
I love never having been in a relationship
I love living in a world filled with illogics while I rely heavily on Logic
I love being told what society wants from me and how I should act even when its completely unnatural for me
I love "acting"
I love how I struggle with eye contact
I love missing out on social cues
I love how my verbal skills, what I do have, normally come out garbled under any pressure...

I am just acting my whole life out..


I'm just venting, this truely pissed me off and I havent been pissed off in a while

Say something like this:

Even if I am different, that's your fault, because you make too little efforts to be like me.

haha thats actually pretty good

Change the heading to "You love not being understood, you little attention seeker " and that would be me."

I had someone say something very similar when I was younger and did not like eating certain foods. For me it was a sensory thing but they said I just wanted attention. If I wanted attention I'm sure I could have found more extravagant ways to act out than declining to eat certain foods. The real issue is maybe this is how these people act so they project that onto everyone else.

This is a case of an NT interpreting AS behavior through a close-minded NT perspective. I hope you both resolve your differences!

I took it as him calling me a fraud, basically.

Whatever, I know myself better then fools

That hurts. I've been told that kind of thing many times, and that's exactly how I felt, (accused of being a fraud).

Can I just say that I think you're pretty damn cool? When I come accross your posts, you seem like a very considerate, kind and helpful person, among a lot of other good qualities.

Thanks I appreciate that

I got the exact same thing from my ex. Of course, in my case I do love going against the grain. When the grain is wrong. Damn grain. Get it right. Why aren't you like this. No, you change. Why is everyone avoiding me? Oh.

Its so true, how could anyone love being misunderstood?

I tried to fit in when I was younger, it taught me acting skills, however I continue to overload so must keep socialising to a minimum.

However, you could try offer a positive spin on the way you are...

Such as, I am what I am, though I grow and learn, there are defining characteristics of myself that should I eliminate, I would cease to be me, the reason you find me interesting is the very same thing you are criticising.

Ask your friend if they have ever heard of the term ..."projection" if not,you can explain ,it is when a person,who is basically clueless to their own psychology and internal motivations(through lack of ability or interest in introspection)often projects their own "issues" on to another person.It is very common.Let him/her know,that you sympathize with their inability to self reflect but that it isnt hopeless....it is a learned skill(that many AS people have naturally)that many NT's struggle with.Tell them that you dont judge them negatively for their ret*d development in this area but hate to see them live their lives in a constant state of superficial meaning and self-delussion.You could suggest psychological help as long term therapy can help in this area of dysfunction.


I have heard crap like your friends since childhood,so I have had plenty of time to think about the process that causes people to "project".I believe a lot of sheeple are jealous of those who are innately individualistic.They yearn to break out of their boxs but havent the courage to do so.They are terrified of the very isolation that they see resulting in our own individuality.They are afraid of being shunned by the clan and resent our(often inability and lack of desire)to conform.

Pity them.....theirs sounds like a very one dimensional existence.

Corvus, I'm angry on your behalf! I've heard things like this all my life. Also my husband's parents were told when he was a child that he was autistic and they refused to believe it. They still think he's 'pretending to be different' and he's 38 years old!! My parents have always been the same towards me, although the autism conversation has never come up. I have had several friends in my life who liked to put me down - I think they are one type of person we attract! Perhaps because they see our difficulties and see the opportunity to feel superior to somebody. Well, who needs friends like that anyway? I'd rather not have any!!

I haven't come across a situation like that (yet...), but I still feel like whacking them over the head with my wooden axe-sword I made in DTI. It's basically a short yet broad sword with a double-edged axe-tip on the end. Adds momentum and the ability to whack people over the head as if it were a hammer!

Well, as for me... I do kind of like not being "normal" because to me, normal=average=boring. Anyway, "normal" isn't the true me; I'd have to act like someone I wasn't if I tried to act like an NT, and it wouldn't be much fun to be constantly involved in things that totally bore me.

I don't do it for attention, though. I just like being myself, instead of some NT's idea of who I should be.

Well, agreed. I do it "on purpose" and "because I love it" because its who I am, not what I try to be.

Yes, I do live a bit differently but not for the sake of different but because I enjoy it. I enjoy sitting on the floor, playing my guitar by candle light, I enjoy being alone with my thoughts, reading, etc. These things are enjoyment, not 'for the sake of different.' I joke I am a Buddhist Monk because of it.

Thanks for the replies, I was upset for the remainder of the day yesterday - I didn't know how much until I looked back on it. I'm cool now though!