Someone looking at you but talking to someone else

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jonny23
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01 Jun 2012, 9:11 am

Occasionally I'll walk up to a group of people and the person talking will stop, look at me and then start talking again while looking at me. At first I think they are talking to me but after a moment I realize they are continuing what they where saying to the other person.

This doesn't happen a lot but I'm very confused and uncomfortable when it does. So what's going on when this happens?



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01 Jun 2012, 9:21 am

Sometimes I answer back thinking they were talking to me. It happens a lot to me so I stopped getting embarrassed long ago. People look at me mostly because they find me odd. My dressing, my walking etc.



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01 Jun 2012, 9:24 am

Are these people your friends? Do you get on with them normally? Usually a decent group of people would welcome the person who has just arrived. Do they ever indicate that they're pleased to see you or acknowledge your presence in any way? When you walk up to these people, do you say anything, like, 'Hello' or give a hand gesture or nod, signalling, 'I'm here'? Maybe they are looking at you, expecting some sort of greeting, don't get the greeting, watch and wait, then start talking again, whilst still watching. That said, they should be welcoming you, then you would reciprocate.

I don't experience anything like that these days, but I have encountered it when I was younger and had less control over who I met each day, i.e. classmates and work colleagues.


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jonny23
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01 Jun 2012, 9:42 am

It's people I don't know. Usually people I know say hi. Maybe I am waiting to long to talk, my conversation timing is pretty bad. I don't believe they are being rude it just makes me uncomfortable because I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing when they are talking.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Jun 2012, 10:38 am

jonny23 wrote:
Occasionally I'll walk up to a group of people and the person talking will stop, look at me and then start talking again while looking at me. At first I think they are talking to me but after a moment I realize they are continuing what they where saying to the other person.

This doesn't happen a lot but I'm very confused and uncomfortable when it does. So what's going on when this happens?

Hmm. Sounds like the person doing the talking is distracted by something and is pin pointing that distraction on you. I am not sure what is going on since I am not observing, but it sounds like something is going on around you or you are doing something that is distracting the speaker and he is watching you to find out exactly what is going on. Or, he could be directing what he is saying at you specifically for some reason.



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01 Jun 2012, 11:30 am

I think it's because the speaker is prepared for the possibility that you might want to say something as you must have walked to that group for a reason.
After noticing you're not going to say anything he will continue, but look at you because he doesn't know whether you want to hang around or walk off.As the newest person to arrive in his audience he will look for expression in your face to see how you follow his opinions.
Just my ten cents.



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01 Jun 2012, 12:27 pm

Yer, this happened to me the other day. I was in a charity shop looking at some clothes when an older woman came right upto me and stared right at me and said, ''hello!'' I knew I didn't know her from anywhere but I didn't want to ignore her so I gave a slight smile and mumbled, ''hi....'', then suddenly somebody popped out from behind me and said, ''hello, there, how are you?!'' to the woman and a whirlwind of chattering started up among them, so I slipped away wondering why she was staring at me for when she wasn't even talking to me. I am sure she was staring right at me because she was peering right at my eyes as she was speaking. It got me confused for the rest of the day.


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jonny23
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01 Jun 2012, 12:32 pm

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one it happens too even if no one knows why.



jonny23
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01 Jun 2012, 12:34 pm

Chris71 wrote:
I think it's because the speaker is prepared for the possibility that you might want to say something as you must have walked to that group for a reason.
After noticing you're not going to say anything he will continue, but look at you because he doesn't know whether you want to hang around or walk off.As the newest person to arrive in his audience he will look for expression in your face to see how you follow his opinions.
Just my ten cents.


You may be right but It's still very confusing.



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01 Jun 2012, 12:43 pm

That would be perplexing....hmm. For me, it's really awkward when someone is talking to me, but looking at someone else - I hate that. Then, I really do not know what to do (in either case). I think asking the one staring would be too abrupt. Maybe it's one of those unspoken rules that you're not supposed to ask? As I understand, the talker ought to be looking at the talkee, in theory, I guess.


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01 Jun 2012, 8:41 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Yer, this happened to me the other day. I was in a charity shop looking at some clothes when an older woman came right upto me and stared right at me and said, ''hello!'' I knew I didn't know her from anywhere but I didn't want to ignore her so I gave a slight smile and mumbled, ''hi....'', then suddenly somebody popped out from behind me and said, ''hello, there, how are you?!'' to the woman and a whirlwind of chattering started up among them, so I slipped away wondering why she was staring at me for when she wasn't even talking to me. I am sure she was staring right at me because she was peering right at my eyes as she was speaking. It got me confused for the rest of the day.

Actually, stuff like that has happened to me. It is super confusing! Whenever it does happen, I consider the person being rude, but what might be happening is the person is expecting me to have a conversation and then it seems like I am reluctant so someone else plays the friendly person and comes up and talks instead. In the past, I have tried to talk to friendly people and then some rude person will come up and steal the conversation away. It's really rude and annoying. I guess the person who comes up and takes my conversation feels left out and wants to be included so bursts in, but what really irritates me is the person who was talking to me suddenly becomes completely oblivious to my existence and starts talking to the new person like they didn't even want to talk to me in the first place. A lot of times they are the ones who start the conversation, too.
When they say hi, they expect an exuberant "hi, how are you?" in return and when they get a mumble and no eye contact, they assume I don't want to talk to them.



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01 Jun 2012, 9:56 pm

Some people are just jerks. The sooner we accept this idea, the better we can stop thinking how weird we are.