The 7-second eye contact rule

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11 Jan 2014, 9:14 pm

I learned this on a website.

In normal NT conversation, you are to look at the other person's right eye for 7 seconds, then move your gaze down and around the mouth or so for a few seconds then back to the right eye.

This way you maintain normal eye contact without staring, and all seems normal.

But I'm told that if you look at the other person's left eye, it is a sign of flirting. Hmmm.

Now here is another nuance. If after the 7 seconds of eye contact you look at the other person's forehead or hair and then return to looking at their right eye, that is a sign of aggression, because you never looked down.

Isn't that interesting? With all that eye gazing it's hard to focus on verbal content.

Hey: I'm merely a reporter here. I'm not making up the rules!

Waterfalls
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11 Jan 2014, 9:21 pm

I've been told one must move the head, not just gaze in a different direction by moving the eyes. If the goal is to fit in and make the other person comfortable.

NorthPark
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11 Jan 2014, 9:45 pm

This is something that sounds so interesting. Do you think.."normal" people learned this at birth or what?!?! !?

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Sethno
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11 Jan 2014, 10:05 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:

When you say "the person's right eye", do you actually mean THEIR right, or the eye that's on your right as you look at them? (I'm guessing the former, but not sure.)

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Ashariel
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11 Jan 2014, 10:33 pm

That's interesting about the right eye... The only person I can look in the eye at all is my mother, and I always look at her right eye (and even then it feels weird to me!)

Who_Am_I
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11 Jan 2014, 11:25 pm

7 seconds seems like way too long.

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Rocket123
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11 Jan 2014, 11:34 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:

7 seconds seems like way too long.

It does to me as well.

Question - Is this 7 seconds of locked eyes? Or simply 7 seconds of looking at someone else's eyes, while they are looking somewhere else?

The last time I locked eyes for 7 seconds, was > 40 years ago when doing staring contests with my siblings. LOL.

AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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11 Jan 2014, 11:57 pm

I think this is where we run into trouble. It's like a social psychology researcher's best attempt to describe something. And then we try to left-brain it and apply it in a clunky, clumsy fashion.

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12 Jan 2014, 12:17 am

Yeah, eye contact is on of those things I'm usually pretty good at until the moment I become conscious of it.

johnny77
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12 Jan 2014, 1:01 am

I've had decent luck looking in the "eyes" just below the eyes for around 5 seconds down mouth for 1.5 seconds back to "eyes" again.
If someone has a better way, let us know.

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12 Jan 2014, 4:53 am

JSBACHlover wrote:

But I'm told that if you look at the other person's left eye, it is a sign of flirting. Hmmm.

Now here is another nuance. If after the 7 seconds of eye contact you look at the other person's forehead or hair and then return to looking at their right eye, that is a sign of aggression, because you never looked down.

Oh good grief!

Ennik
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12 Jan 2014, 6:29 am

Hello,

NT here.

Could I please have a reliable source for this?
Especially the left and right eye thing.

Being NT and therefore never having given a thought to these things (until having a kid on the spectrum, that is) I very much like to know who found that out, using what scientifically valid method of investigation.

Greetings

Ennik

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12 Jan 2014, 6:32 am

So annoying. It's not very long since I became comfortable with looking people in the eyes, but lately I've come to understand more and more that I have to learn how to not look people too much in the eye, and how to do it "the right way". Ugh.

zaneaspie
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12 Jan 2014, 10:59 am

Seems like an awful lot to juggle while also trying to think of something to reply to the other person

bumble
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12 Jan 2014, 11:11 am

Sethno wrote:

JSBACHlover wrote:

When you say "the person's right eye", do you actually mean THEIR right, or the eye that's on your right as you look at them? (I'm guessing the former, but not sure.)

I had a similar dilema myself recently. I ordered a new fridge and it arrived with one of the feet missing. I called to complain. The lady on the phone asked "is it the right foot or the left one". Unable to ascertain which she meant I had to ask do you mean the right foot of the fridge as I am stood facing it or the right foot of the fridge as if I was stood facing the same way its front door is.

I think I confused her....

I await my spare feet.

bumble
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12 Jan 2014, 11:14 am

zaneaspie wrote:

Seems like an awful lot to juggle while also trying to think of something to reply to the other person

Indeed. The reply is hard enough in and of itself.

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