Saying No

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I've learned to say no most of the time. If a salesperson offers me something, I can say no. If someone offers me food and I'm not hungry, I can say no.

But there are times when I can't say no.

For example, a person that annoys me to no end asked to tag along when I go to meet a few good friends tomorrow. He annoys me, he's intruding on my business, inviting himself... Why would I say yes?

Do any of you have tips/experiences for this?

That's a tough situation. Been there. The person asks "what are you doing at such and such a time" (the time you are meeting the good friends) and won't quit until you tell them exactly who you will be hanging out with and when. Anyway, that's happened to me, and it is most difficult to handle.

You almost have to omit mention that you'll be hanging out with any friends on that day and instead come up with a vaguer excuse. Just think of chores you have to do on that day and only mention those.

Just keep saying no. Some people need to learn that no means no, and getting the answer they're not persisting for will make them stop.

It's more of a reflex for me. I automatically say no to anything if I don't have any specific details or a good reason to say yes.

The problem really is, that my first thought isn't to lie. As an aspie, I'm very honest, to the point where only a long while of thinking lets me realize I should lie. Why couldn't I have taken the coward's way out and given a lame excuse? That's actually what I might do, even on a few hours' notice. I'll say my dad made plans for me or something (which is very believable).

I do experience this problem on occasion. The best solution (one that doesn't involve lying) is to leave without that person knowing. Sure, they might ask "well why didn't you get me?" or what not, but the temporary peace of mind is well worth it (plus, if you did cave in and take the person, they'd likely see that as a sign that they can keep bothering you and asking you to do things with them). Of course, you can be honest and straightforward by saying "I find you to be rather annoying, please refrain from being in my presence" or simply "I don't like you, you're annoying. Please stop bothering me."

I can't say no to people. I can to sales people, because they're not my friends or colleagues and they'll just go on to the next customer (if they do get pushy then I just say ''sorry, can't stop, I've got a bus that leave in 5 minutes'' and I look at my watch to indicate the impression that I'm in a hurry). But I find it hard to say no to friends or colleagues, or even people in authority like at the job centre. When the job centre offers me a job, and it's not very suitable for me, I always find it really awkward to say no, in case they might just think I'm making excuses.

Also when I was at my last volunteer job, the manager kept making me go on the till and I didn't want to, and they knew I didn't like going on the till so they always said, ''just for 15 minutes then we will send somebody down to take over'', but I knew they were just saying that to avoid objections. Also they always asked me at a very awkward moment, like if the manager was busy on her hands and knees doing a difficult task she would shout over her shoulder to me, ''can you just go on the till for 15 minutes?'' and it was an awkward moment to just stand over her and go, ''no, I don't want to, get someone else to do it''. It's a ''what can I really say?'' situation. Also I knew that we did work as a team so I didn't want to let the team down really. So I thought the only solution is to leave and start a fresh somewhere else, then if somebody wants to be hostile with me then I won't be there any more to put up with it.

I've always found it hard to say no.