Is this a autism thing? Dinner with family

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Hi,

Can't say i always had what i experience now. But maybe for the last 3-5 years i feel really uncomfortable at dinner time with my family. Number one of what i hate most is their talking. Not a second during dinner time is someone quiet. Always talking at a loud volume and constantly going blah blah blah about pointless stuff. Then someone thinks he's real witty and keeps on spurting out nonsense out his mouth. Well not really nonsense but i have grown to hate it A LOT.

I hate my families presence, i need to constantly shelter my drink from coughing, every time i pray someone doesn't let go a huge fart which they always do and love. Their a bunch of overweight pigs. My brother has a habit of putting his arm in my plate when he grabs something close to my plate. Then there's the loud chewing noises they make. Not even trying to keep it down just chewing on that food like they didn't eat in months. I hate their mannerisms, certain movements they keep doing, like when my brother has crumbs or something on his hands he shakes his fingers up and down in a very annoying matter. When i see it i instantly get mad.

Another thing that is annoying me lately. I kind of try to keep my gaze away from anyone, and if they step in my field of view i feel they violated me or something. It's stupid i know but that's how it feels.

Then there's my father, he has a habit of repeating the same sequences of songs over and over and over again. When he does it automatically gets stuck in my head, so him repeating something twice means that by the time i forget it i have heard the sequence 50 times in my head. Every time i hear it i get mad, when i hear it in my head i punch myself or something or will trip out.

So that's what they do, and what i do is, never speak, always keep my head down. Longing for the moment i can leave their "sounds" behind me and retreat to a safe and quiet spot. If i can't i can feel the anger and desperateness build up in me. This seems to be getting worse and worse, i want to leave my house forever but i can't and i have hundreds or more days left before i might find a place to live. Every day is exactly the same as before. It's like every day is chipping away at my sanity. I want peace of mind in my life.

I don't feel like my therapist is really taking me serious, i am getting tested for Asperger's Syndrome soon but why won't they help me find a place or something when they know it's a hell for me here? Anyway thanks for reading, i just came down from dinner and i am all worked up and mad.

That sounds very frustrating. Please don't get too angry at your family, though; if they are NT, they probably have no idea how much their loudness and bad table manners bother you.

There has to be a way to compromise here. Your family likes to eat dinner together--and that's a good thing, because it's often the one time that a family can socialize during an average day--but for you, this is overwhelming and frustrating. If your family can learn better table manners, that'd be wonderful (who the heck thinks farting at the table or coughing into somebody else's drink is polite? Sheesh!)... But there's no guarantee that they'd do it for you.

If you could get permission to eat dinner in your room alone, maybe that would help. You would lose the chance to socialize with your family, but as it is, you don't have that to begin with because you're too overwhelmed at dinner to socialize at all to begin with. There has to be a way that you can hang out with your family without having to deal with their table manners...

My dad makes so many noises when he eats, I just eat my food upstairs in my room in peace.

That sounds extremely frustrating for you, and I could never deal with that.

I act much the same way at dinner with my family. I stare at my food or look out the window, but everyone is extremely quiet. I don't really know why, but my dad and his girlfriend are the only ones talking, and it's among themselves.

My family does often tease me about the immense amounts of time I spend locked away in my room, which is the most frustrating for me.

The problem is my father won't let me eat by myself, he says dinner time is the only time were we are together. And sure it is all meant in a good way, but i'm not feeling it you know. I will try to ask him if i could, but when i mentioned i might be autistic he wouldn't believe me. He told me many times that i should build a resistance against things i don't like.

I could ask them to keep the volume down, they would be irritated that i breach their freedom, and even if we ultimately come to a agreement, they would forget it in a day. My brother almost sticking his arm in my food feels disgusting, but he would say that he didn't touch anything and he is doing nothing wrong. Same goes for the coughing. Sometimes out of nowhere someone coughs or sneezes all over the table. I heard that stuff can travel very fast and far so basically he just infected the entire table. And about the fart, it is considered humorous to do it often coming with the same stupid remark "what a squeeky chair" and laughter following.

They don't see it that way, they say they are not poisonous and that it's not that bad as i think. I had many many fight with them over this. But they keep "forgetting". Just the other day my brother coughed right in the direction of my plate basically making everything uneatable. (i also have germaphobia specifically against my family, i don't touch remotes, doorknobs or anything they have touched)

I really don't care about socializing with my family, i haven't done so for many years anyways. Maybe i should just force this and say "I'm eating upstairs end of discussion". Isn't it horrible to have to eat very rapid just to be able to leave? I once had a fight just before we started dinner and i went upstairs with my plate. I never experienced dinner like that, i could actually taste more, eat at a slow pace and generally feel good.

I think i know now what i could try thanks guys

I always hated dinner with family, or with people, it always bothered me. The pointless talking, people talking with their mouths full, the sounds of eating and chewing got under my skin and repulsed me to no end.
When I was younger I would take my food into my room. My family thought it was rude but they preferred that to me having a meltdown at the kitchen table.
Even today I hate even eating at restaurants.
When people look at me while I am eating it freaks me out.
Today I just try to blend and act normal on those occasions when I do have to sit down and eat with family, knowing I have AS and the way my family and other people act isn't because they're trying to bother me. I'm just hypersensitive. I had to learn to compromise.
A glass of wine in these situations helped me immensely. (If you're of age).

I try to make sure I can eat alone whenever I can for the most part.

I'm going to go outside the box here: perhaps a bigger table. Everyone would be a little more spread out, you could have a bit of breathing room and still include yourself in their ritual.

With my family even though everyone is spending (way too much) more time at home rarely will everyone have the same meal at the same time, that's pretty much reserved for the customary birthday dinner at the restaurant of the recipient's choosing

Hearing people eat thier food has got to be one of the most ungodly noises around. When I lived with my dad he'd eat like a 1,000 cows all at once and I never had any money for food, he'd pig out infront of me. the f-cker!

There is a solution to your problem however, do not eat at the same times they do

@Jesse - I understand compromising, but every single day is too much for me. Can't really use anything to make me easy going. I stay away from drugs because of my previous drug addiction, i have a addictive personality so never in my life will i drink wine or beer. Not to mention the taste is horrific, i tried once.

@2wheels4ever - we can make the table bigger but when i suggest to do so everyone else is bound to say no. (i tried once before) I can try once more but we don't have alot of room either. For me it's different though with dinner time, it's standard procedure to be called for dinner after which everyone heads to the table where we have to stay until everyone is done.

@Richardbenson - Chewing noises is not THAT bad for me but i can get grossed out a lot by some of the noises they make. They are all overweight and gasp for air while they eat aswell. The solution you mentioned does not work though. (see above)

I made a little progress, talked to my dad and we got to an agreement that whenever i feel things are too much i can leave. He kept on pressing me to take medication for my "anger" he thinks thats the root of everything, and that my depression and isolation is caused by myself making wrong decisions like staying home. I rather have him not talk to me anymore about my problems.. He always has a way of down sizing what i experience