Could my heart be "beating with pain" instead of p

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My heart used to feel good. I did get easily frightened, but I also felt joy and love, and I felt it in my heart.

For about nine months I abused cocaine, and I felt most of the pleasure there, in my heart.

Now I live in pain every day. I keep seeing stars and lines on walls disappearing and reappearing. I feel an acute sting in my heart every now and then. Sometimes I retch, usually when I'm making what I might call an "ugly face". (Hope that doesn't scare anyone.)

I once had a nightmare in which a girl I had a crush on in high school beat me up. I felt a pang in my heart after I looked at myself in a mirror back in that school. When I woke up my heart was in severe pain, it felt weak and fragile, like it was dying. I tried to go to school that morning, but I was so nauseous that I had to take the bus right back home.

If I live in pain, and I "want it all to go away", does that mean I've lost my will to live? If so, is my heart beating "for pain" on every beat? Is that why I'm having all these symptoms?

Do you have high blood pressure? Or risk factors for it like family history heart problems, over weight, eat too much sodium, not enough exercise. Are you drinking to much caffiene during the day? When is the last time you been to a doctor?

I dont want to tell you a bunch of info about cocain and brain chemistry that you might already know.If you havent researched it,do so.I went through treatment about 15 years ago for alcoholism.I never like cocain but had several friends in treatment who used it.The brains chemistry gets really messed up after you stop useing.It wont last forever,you can rebalance the chemicals.It may feel like it's forever!!
Some thing about coke,actually burns out pleasure recepters(or desensitizes them.So the things that once gave you joy will feel...bla,for awhile.The actual "pain" you may be feeling in your heart could actually be heartburn or acid reflux...get it checked out.

@Topic Creator:

Having no experience with this kind of medical science, and indeed very litle medical... knowledge in general, as well as having never touched any illegal substance in my years on Earth, my only advisory is to see a doctor as fast as humanly possible. Good luck.