How do I handle my Aspie friends from now on....?

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There was an Asperger talk recently, and as a result I made real life friends with a few folks on the spectrum.

The friendships have gone quite well, in the sense that they seem to like my company. They invite me to so much stuff, and I am grateful for their friendship.

However, most of the stuff they invite me to involves NTs. I am super nervous around NTs. It is so bad that if one NT is in the room, I get severe anxiety. (The reason is because I fear coming across the wrong way because i'm so self-conscious.... )

The Aspies I've befriended have a rich social network. Their brother, or sister is NT for example and so whenever I'm invited to something it is also with their NT siblings or contacts.

In short, I can rarely interact with my Aspie friends without an NT being in the room.

I don't assume that all NTs will be critical, but sometimes i get a vibe that they don't like me and this makes me so upset i want to leave.

I really want to cancel all invitations, except those that are just with them (Aspies only), because otherwise my anxiety hits the roof.

As an aside, has anyone noticed that anxiety around people gets worse over time, especially the longer you know them? The reason is because i figure people had time to figure something is "off".

Anyway, my friends will wonder why i'm suddenly cancelling invitations from them. I don't know how to handle this... I can't just say, "You know, i can't accept your invite if there are NTs in the room."

I feel anxious if I've known the NTs for a bit, not complete strangers. It is when i start to get the vibe that they think i'm a weirdo.

At any rate, I can't think of a good way to handle this situation. I need to scale my social interaction way down because it is draining and exhausting.

I have severe anxiety along with depression, in addition to Asperger Syndrome, so this may play a part in why i can't seem to enjoy myself, ever, even though i try very hard to keep these friends because i'm grateful to have them.

How do I cancel future invitations, or accept ONLY invitations where it is just me and one other Aspie?

(i don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and i don't want to lose my Aspie friendships...they may wonder why i'm not hanging around them much anymore )

Is it a bad thing to make friends and then shut down because you are exhausted from all the interaction, only to resume months later because you've had time to recharge? i can only interact with people sporadically, and this may not be good enough. Or is it my anxiety disorder that has taken hold of my life.........and maybe i need to force myself to interact with NTs?????

Thank you for any input

I don't think I've ever heard if someone being this afraid of NTs before. I'm sure that if they are used to aspies they should be ok.

It's the anxiety. I have it too, and it makes me think all sorts of bad things about people's intentions when they're not true. Vicious cycle. Worst advice is to say to you to force yourself to keep attending.

I'd approach it like this: I'd tell my new friends that I'd like to choose which activities I do because I prefer my alone time very much (they should understand). Since you know you need a long time to recharge, try to schedule things far apart (perhaps 2 weeks?) so that you can do better. If you keep going and doing things and drive your anxiety up you may get to a point you don't want any interaction at all (like me) not a good place to be. I'm happy for you that you have friends that can understand you, just try to keep your activities within your limits of social interaction, not theirs and things should be okay.

If I were in your situation this is how I would handle it:

Assuming your new aspie friends are part of the same social group, get the one or two of them who you feel most comfortable with alone. Explain to them that you are enjoying your new friendship with them but that you are struggling with one aspect of it. Explain to them that nt people sometimes make you feel very anxious and - this part is important - WHY. Were you bullied a lot, did particular NTs do something to make you distrust them all? Make it very clear that it is NOT specifically THEIR nt friends who you have difficulty with. Let them know that you are finding this anxiety very draining and that you totally still want to be friends with them. I would imagine that your aspie friends would understand that you feel exhausted by the scale of your new social interactions if you explained to them. Difficulty with social interactions is one of the most common threads which people on the spectrum have so they have probably all experienced that same feeling at some point.

If you want to get over this fear, try asking them to ease you gently into it. Low key, structured social events with only one or two of their nicest nt friends at a time to begin with are probably the way forward if that's what you want to do. You have to remember that their nt friends are clearly already, at the VERY LEAST, not hostile towards aspies or they wouldn't be close to your aspie friends. In actual fact they are probably understanding and sympathetic. You've already realised you probably need to force yourself to interact with them to a degree. I have BAD anxiety too and you know as well as I do that continuing to avoid things which make you anxious usually makes a problem worse rather than better.

Another option is trying some CBT or something focusing on this particular issue i.e. being anxious around nts. The world is full of them so it is a pretty major issue for you.

Edit: Also, good luck, I really hope you get over this problem. Chronic anxiety is the most horrible thing I ever experienced and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Nobody deserves this crap

I get the anxiety thing...believe me I get it! (I have had issues with it all my life) However, you have to learn to overcome it to a degree so that you can be more functional. You sound like you are overly self conscious (again, I can relate here too). The thing is though you have to learn to care less about how you are viewed by others or else you will always give off a negative vibe. It's not something you can change over night either. To alleviate some of my issues with it I had to make changes in my life to eliminate an overly critical friend and find a new job where I could start fresh. I then had to learn not to talk negatively about myself all the time and instead talk positively about myself. Most people are fairly lazy and easy to manipulate in this way. They will believe what you tell them until the need arises to question it. While this makes no real sense to me and my way of dealing with the world, it does work. So, as long as you don't give them ammo, they generally won't shoot. Remember that the adult world is usually different from the school age one. Most people are not looking to rip you apart unless they feel you pose a threat or unless they themselves have low self-esteem and are looking to deflect criticism from themselves by putting it on someone else. Sorry I can't give you more, but it's an odd thing to try and explain in more detail.